Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Forsaken

You encircled my being
in scandalous deception
tantamount to your fingers
neck choking inception

my heart surrounded
your distracting smile
words unfounded
looking all the while
into
lies
deathly eyes.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • RatherImaginative silver member
    July 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "tatamount" Did you mean "tantamount"?

    I liked how you shaped the poem into a goblet. Considering the substance of it, it brought to mind unknowingly ingesting a poison . . . in this case, the lies. Your poem flowed very well, and the rhyme is smooth and unforced. Thanks so much for entering my contest!


  • Tercil gold member
    July 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It looked promising at the start but that was the beginning of the end in feelings and it showed, very much.


  • Cant-touch-this
    July 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My heart surrounded your distracting smile words unfounded looking all the while into lies deathly eyes..this is a powerful piece you have penned and thought provoking Thanks for sharing


  • HeavenScent4U
    July 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very good take on the prompt...i see you are off to another day of quicies good luck dear...bbe well and be blessed


  • delightfulmess silver member
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Whoa that was intense And I loved it!!! Great Job thank you for entering.


  • -Ink Artist-
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very prolific! Best of luck!


    ~Lori ♥


  • Lady Eventide
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Liked the rhyme in this...as well as the word choice. Great job!

  • delightfulmess silver member
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Your prompt is up

  • Lady Eventide
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck.

1 - 10 of 10