Casting back,
I remember standing between chairs,
my nervous heels rocking,
back and forth.
Ball to heel and back again.
Sharing with them
lessons learned in sunday school.
I can hear the applause,
and feel the pine needles poking me in the back,
when the christmas tree stole my stage
(for the sake of festivities.)
There was the time I experimented
slipping on banana peel.
Only to find,
there was no laughter,
only a dreaded stain on the patterned rug.
Author notes
Vashman
A contest entry
- Write Anything.... (following what I want) by Cool.Indifference.
400 points, ended July 6, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Joined by Shiro Okami.
800 points, ended July 13, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Une saison en enfer by Aesthete.
1500 points, ended August 24, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP Book Contest-- get published! by tinuelena.
900 points, ended September 19, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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subtle nuance and pratfalls, there is a lot to this poem and it is very good; life lessons do not come easily...veru well done...PK
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nice
liked bananapeel no laughter image
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This is a nice little poem. I liked the first and third stanzas but it was the third that caused me to go back and read it again several times. That part is interesting and eminently real. The second, however, seemed rather uncomfortable. I was a bit out of breath at the end. I think if you reworked that section and maybe expanded the feeling with another stanza or two I think this could be exceptional. That’s just a thought though. Good job and thanks very much for entering.
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Very very good. Wonderful length, and just deep enough. Like this.
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