The boy’s curled in the corner
And people pass him by
Seeing shaggy hair
And a vacant stare:
Nothing more
Than a wasted life.
But even as his phone rings
And he ignores his home
Something swells inside his chest –
He is not alone.
He writes odes to eternity
And stars as yet unseen,
Imagining a galaxy
That’s more than this one seems.
As he goes outside
And stares into the sky,
He feels
As if he should feel
Small.
“But what is life?”,
He thinks to himself,
“If size means nothing at all?
Maybe eternity is where it’s at
And maybe Forever is all that it seems
But I don’t have forever,
Only ‘for now’,
And what is a life
If it’s wasted on dreams?
For even if I
Could stare into the sky
And grasp its infinite breadth,
How would that change
This planet of Earth,
This top that’ll witness
My life and my death?”
And with that notion
He walked to the ocean
And ripped out the pages his handwriting crossed
With them in his hand
He knelt in soggy sand
And watched as waves lapped, and meaning was lost.
A contest entry
- Beyond Imagination, Can You Imagine That by Roaddog Wolf.
700 points, ended July 5, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow! I loved it. I wish I had something more profound and intelligent to say, but I don't, just GREAT!!
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Thanks! Let me get your opinion on something, though - in a later draft, for poetry class, I removed lines 7-10. What do you think - good choice or bad one?
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Wonderful!
Really good poem.I think I did find mistake but I'm not sure.On this line did you meen to put boy instead of boy's?
The boy’s curled in the corner
I really did like this poem and I wanted to let you know that you are a good poet.YOu said on you page that you didn't think you were much good at writing poetry.Well I think your'e great!Again really good write.
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Well, thank you, m'dear! I actually meant to have "boy's" - it's a contraction for "the boy is". Thanks for pointing it out, though - I usually DO have silly editing mistakes like that. *rolls eyes*
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Good work, getting a gold trophy! Well deserved, obviously.
There was one spot where it didn't flow very well for me:
"As he goes outside
And stares into the sky,
He feels
As if he should feel
Small."
In relation to the rhyming schemes surrounding this particular section, it doesn't flow right. Unfortunately, I don't have much in the way of suggestions for it, and if you're happy with it, then by all means leave it the way it is. I think it might just be more my own personal preference.
Very good poem, though, I really enjoyed it. -
This was good you carried the poem from beging to an end and it all had significance to the meaning you penned over all. I was also able to identify with your thoughts , their concept is relative to real life in a manner that others I'm sure would relate to. It had good flow and structure. I enjoyed reading this write good job thank you
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Thanks!
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nicely penned
well written full of deeply thought meaning and I felt a part of your thoughts. Thoughts that start simple and lost then reach out in the imagination before retrning to home with a fresh outlook. I liked this write it is thought provoking good write
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