Her mirage
on the vanity
little lies
fake lashes
like two dead spiders
little lies
little lies
avoid naked truth
just small lies
Author notes
This is an abreviated chain hiaku, the normal count is 5-7-5, this is 3-5-3. I hoped it would stay under 20 words if I abreviated it, however I ended up with 23. Hope that doesn't get me DQ'ed.
Option #4
Purple monkeys fly at night
A contest entry
- 20 words or the picture by SensualWhispers.
600 points, ended July 8, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wow Me With One Word *Platinum Edition!* =] by Anjole-Of-The-Artz.
1700 points, ended August 9, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wow Me! by Malkolis.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Infinituple Haiku by Pollycheck.
600 points, ended April 10, 2008, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is not about self deprecation or mutilation..lol its about cosmetics..and how girls hide behind "fake" beauty.
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I don't like haiku, especially dark haiku. they are meant to be about nature and meditation. not self deprecation, nor mutilation. good imagery, but not what i want.
thanks for entering. -
Thank you for entering my haiku contest.
Her mirage
on the vanity
little lies
fake lashes
like two dead spiders
little lies
little lies
avoid naked truth
just small lies
This is avery nice haiku chain, but the iuse of poetic devices like similes and metapjors are discouraged when writing haiku. -
Very nicely done with good thoughts and concepts that were well presented. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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little lies
avoid naked truth
just small lies
what a depth and what a flow of the muse here bringing a kind of soothing touch to the eyes and soothing touch to the soul as well..Indeed a very soft journey of the heart is here revealing the magic of the poetry here.. a beauty of life you have portrayed here in the magical words of your poem here.......a great poem indeed...
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Heya
I really like this piece. The piece has a pseudo gothic feel to it, but not in a negative way. The image that plays into my mind is that of a most superficial being, covering up her internal imperfections with external shrouds-illuminated in the second stanza-.
I enjoyed reading it, so best of luck in the competion, and good luck with your future writing.
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Somewhat haunting. Interestingly written. Though I guess I am a traditionalist when it somes to haiku, not so much in the amount of syllable as the fact that haiku is about nature. Still, well done.
Anna -
Aw
This is a bit sad yet it pulls me in so I wonder what her secrets and lies are all about. Gently intoxicating. =]
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Intriguing
Very very intriguing. I love the way it is written. Very simplistic yet complex at the same time. Great work. Thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie
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