Lost amid the myriad of faces
Staring back from the great abyss
Serenity twisted beyond recognition
Chaotic whispers descend upon the living
Whisking away precious sanity of the world
Hatred creeping under the guise of justice
Lacerates innocence, distorts reality
Leaving its vile mark upon this earth
Decimating this once unmarred sanctuary
A contest entry
- Quickie - Picture For Your Pens by Ryno.
300 points, ended July 9, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
Hmm... this write is very bulky with your amount of descriptive words... and it is sort of cliche, words like "serenity" and "abyss" could be changed a little. It all so hard a rough flow. Nonetheless; I love the ideas that you've portrayed in this and overall it was a very sentimental write. Nice work and thank-you for your entry.
Ryan -
-
Its sort of funny how you get the best reviews on your works you like the least and yet the ones you really like...seem "ok" as best.
Thanks for the comment. I do agree about the word abyss however. I didn't particularly like that word their either but I couldn't think of something to replace it. Thanks for the constructive criticism. I appreciate it.
-
-
A wonderful write to be sure. Forgive me, but I didn't see a connection to the "picture". However, as I've said, wonderful write. I am always so entranced by the darker side of poetry. Strikes chords in my little black heart.
My only criticism is:
"Lost amid the myriad of faces"
is a term, rather a phrase that is used so often in
angst ridden poetry.
At any rate congrats and good luck in the contest.
~MotherMachineGunn~ -
-
The only connection really is the title. I looked at the picture and the word disjointed came to mind. The poem was inspired by that title.
-
-
A dip in the dark pool, this was well penned and my pleasure to read, good luck in this contest! "chaotic whispers" excellent work
~Tia
-
-
Every now and then it can be fun to tread on the dark side.
-
-
You never cease to amaze me.. Behind that sweet face, that nice smile, so sharp a mind.. Shows again..
You're in my Hall of Fame..
Love
X
{o!-}
-
-
I am honored. Thank you.
-
-
Is this the theme poem for Hell?! My big sister is so EVIL! I'm so glad I know your sweet side. lol! Anyway, I saw disjointed and I thought, "Ooh, this'll be good." I was right.
-
-
It just might be I saw the picture and the first thing that came to mind was the word Disjointed. I wrote down the title and the rest just flowed from there. I'm glad you liked it, but yes I do have a sweet side as well. My friends and family see that part. Anyone that crosses me or mine...well they only see THIS side. I can be an evil bitch too.
-
-
wow - this is wicked. the words you use are awesome - excellent imagery. your second line should start with a capital though
well done and good luck in the contest
-
-
I changed that second line, thanks for pointing it out. Thanks for the comment and applause as well.
-
-
An excellent piece, that requires a few reads and some thought..
Very effective imagery within these few lines gives the reader's mind plenty to work on.. and with..
Good luck with the contest!!
Love
X
Evert
-
-
Thanks Ev! I'm gald you liked it. Thanks for reading and commenting.
-
-
this is wonderful very thought provoking and quite deep i love it well done love its amazing xxx
xxx
-
-
Thanks so much.
-
-
This was very thought provoking. It is so deep and intense. A great piece you have penned here. Great job.
Soulful Woman
-
-
Thank you, glad I could make you stop and think. That was my intention
-
-
Absolutely stunning, loved the word usage here; cannot stand unnecessary words personally, and you captured this brilliantly ! Most impressed...Love this line.."lacerates innocence, distorts reality" Bravo! Good luck !
-
-
Thanks so much! This is the first poem of mine I like after a long period of writers block so I really appreciate the compliment Thanks again!
~Brandi~
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
