I've travelled up this path before
to misery and hate,
is there nothing left of love
to stop us at the gate,
or must we go our separate ways
and savour what we can,
for this is not where it should end
it's where it all began.
Left in a darkened tunnel
with neither end in sight,
I took the outstretched hand of love
and followed in it's light,
I saw the face of happiness
soon begin to show,
but turmoil deep within the blood
gathered seeds to sow.
A cultivated wilderness
with love on either side,
with no place left to run to
and nowhere we can hide.
It's time to call a halt
forget the rules and change the game,
then if it all goes wrong
there is no-one left to blame.
A contest entry
- Rhyme For Men Only by piccola.
700 points, ended July 25, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Finally Get the Medal You Deserve! by TabbyCat.
475 points, ended February 14, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW Party by Blooming Poet.
425 points, ended July 23, 2008, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is obviously a lesson we all have to see someone go through or go through our selves. Personally not by marriage, but lovers I have been torn also
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Although I felt no emotional connection to this poem, it had excellent flow for the most part. Most of the rhyme sounds natural. Line 16 has the right amount of syllables, but itsounds too short or something. Happens sometimes. Other than that one line, nice work!
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Beautiful metaphor! A very strong write of a tormented mind, for when torn in two directions, one often loses themselves. Nicely done.
Thank you for entering.
Love -
A difficult road to be on with the toughest of decision imaginable at the moment. Many thoughts and doubts that revovle in the mind.
Thanks for entering into the contest.
Be well and be blessed,
Mouser -
Being a teenager, I've seen a LOT of poetry that all seems to blend together after a while.
I've gotten used to a completely different style than yours, but this has certain depth and clarity that I love. -
Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. tell: 80/100
Concrete Imagery: 80/100
Metaphor/symbol/allusion: 90/100
Originality: 50/100
Meter: 95/100 -
A cultivated wilderness with love on either side, I love that line. Wonderfully worded through out. It seems this gentlemen wants to have his cake and eat it to, but oh the tragedy he must choose. Thank you for sharing and for entering my contest.
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Ahhhh tragic! The metaphor and imagery are very well thought out and ably used and you convey the feeling of hopelessness when love fades and can't be re-captured.
Thanks for entering
Peace Georgia
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A wonderfully written poem about a situation all to real. Very eloquently stated. It seems that in the first stanza, he is contemplating leaving the wife or lover. In either case, he has to make a choice. This is written so well. I love it.
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awwwwwwwwwwwww what a sad story... it would be hell to love two and be torn...good luck in the contest...thanks for sharing i enjoyed this great write
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wow, this is a sad poem. good job writing it!
congrats on the Honorable win! 
keep it up!!!!!!!
Crimson -
This is an awful situation to be in and I speak from experience. I believe it is possible to love two people at one time but we do need to make choices. This was a very in depth look at a scenario that is not as unusual as we think.
Great job
Soulful Woman
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"The turmoil deep within the blood" tells me that the narrator is in a no-win situation since his loyalty is split in two - his long-term and short-term partners. I interpret this as a relinquishing of the lover's connection and not the wife's since he cannot escape his conscience. I can see the tension in the poem which reflects the inner turmoil of the speaker who appears to have genuine feelings for both people in his life. I don't envy you my friend. camus
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†his was well expressed and the rhyme was beautiful which made it flow smoothly. The feelings expressed were not hard to understand...good job and thank you for the great entry.
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Nice use of metaphor, I like they why you expressed the way this man feels in the poem, great rythm as always.
~Dark
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This is a fantastic piece you've penned here. The imagery is so vidid and the flow is done nicely. Good luck in the contest.
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