Mother night spills her milk out from her breast of clouds
Her babies trees and flora crept their mouth in patience
Life is within a coffin upon the table in heaven's room
Roaming my spirit paces with death and her child love
Buzzing dreams fly my end irrating my ears of lies
How do dreams if so wealthy beg for more wealth
Sighs and moans within the sleep walking wind
She mutters hidden secrets unkown to my hollowed ears
Sometimes I wonder how long is her lifetime
Love fell in love with pain insted of beautiful peace
and my selfish love has a fiancé that of himself
Sometimes it feels as though life doesn't care for itself
and love doesn't want to share her speacial gifts to it
Though days run from each other, each day wishes not to live
Diluting all beautiful colors sought dying dots of rain
How separate they cascade, that of fainting love
falling like people in this world within the rain
Only truth knows if combine could feed heavy eternity
So you ask how come things arn’t so if so simple?
That's why I say life must be within a coffin
where it lies on the table in the room of heaven
A contest entry
- 40 Images for 40 Poets by Pollycheck.
425 points, ended December 2, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - { depression/ suicide} by Angel Eyed Baby.
702 points, ended December 22, 2008, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Thank you for entering my contest. This is a very well written poem. Unfortunately I do not see the picture prompt or a link to the picture prompt.
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I love some of the images you use, and i really like the metaphorical language, especially in the first stanza. I found all the flowing lines (enjambement?) difficult, so perhaps to improve you could vary this a little? (especially between line 4/5 of first stanza). But, its beautiful apart from that. I love the image of 'dying dots of rain' - so effective! Keep writing!
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This is has a great feel to it but sometimes, it is lacking of clearer understanding. Not that you are not potent with your writing, it is more like you are rushing and you tend to skip on some simple elements. Besides of that, it is an immaculate write. You assemble your thoughts and create a Picasso's masterpiece. Keep up the great work and thank you for sharing.
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