The park bench of South Central
wasn't what you'd call a beacon of light
Tucked under the weeping of a tree late at night
made the wood look more like a devil's chair
And was it fair that the moon was so naked
in her paleness,
like it was all wrapped up in selfish ego?
Hard to say, and the creature curled up on
that splintered wood in the shadows of it all
probably couldn't care any less
Who knew that angels could reek of vodka, skin
soaked in lime from hard body shots?
The crash and giggles of her noises in sleep
were wet as drool pooled on the ground in a straight line
beneath her,
sprawled across the bench like a rag doll hanging,
loose
And for a moment I was worried,
this late at night and here she was snoring
alone in the dark known much more to the wickedness
of muggers and rapists.
But I guess you've got to place blind faith in
God at some point or another.
Author notes
Hope this is something like you were looking for! : )
A contest entry
- Wanted: Drunken Angel Poems by Amera.
1500 points, ended July 15, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
WoW! This is a different approach to this challenge. Well done and original. Good luck in the contest.
Love,
Amera ♥
-
First of all, this person that is critiquing you should remind you of your father.[ I read one poem you wrote about how his way of dressing just reminded you that you were a woman]Have you read this guys stuff?You are not here to entertain this moron. I don't usually say this but he stinks. I love the line...who knew angels could reek of vodka, skin soaked in lime from hard body shots?
My dad is from Brooklyn.This guy can't hold a candle to your grand style, word placement or fabulous imagery.There is something Quent about pale and moon.Read his stuff, he should be looking for a how-to-write class.You are one of the best on here, and if you think I have ANY talent, you will believe me when I say, don't change any thing for any body if you like it. PLEASE.
ALWAYS YOUR TRUTHFUL FRIEND,
LOWELL POE -
-
LOL You're very sweet to come and defend my honor.
I appreciate you coming to be my knight in shining armor tonight. A girls got to feel she's worth be rescued once in awhile. 
It's ok though. He didn't hurt my feelings or anything. I like poetry and all that but I'm not as serious as a lot of people on here. And I'm still learning. I'm not sure I really understand what it means to write poetry. I'm still kind of trying to figure that out. He can write real nice though. Sometimes it's only ok but sometimes he writes real beautiful. And you write really beautiful too. Especially with how creative your thoughts are in your work. So I respect both your opinions. And both of you help me see how my words sound to other people. So I thank you for that. 
-
-
pale and moon, together. could you be more cliche?
this is not what i'm looking for. -
-
I appreciate your candidness. Also I read your other review and it was very detailed and specific. That was really nice of you to take the time to do that for me. It's helpful because I do want to learn. I'm kind of tired with work this week but I do want to work on this poem. I just haven't had a chance yet. Please give me a little time.
-
-
Well if you revise and edit, let me know. I love to watch poets improve. Good luck with your writing.
-
-
Well I kept trying to revise and edit this but I was making it worse and not better.
So instead I just went ahead and removed it from the contest and entered a new poem called 'Friday China'. I hope that I did a little better on that one.
-
-
-
-
funny how spooky it can be to look at something that says "Central park south" and then look up and see a poem called "a south central park bench" lol. i was scapbooking yesterday and i left off on a page of central park.... south actually. lol. so then as i read i had the urge to look through my pictures and see if i found a bench lol
i really enjoyed this piece. it was so descriptive. it really put me in central park and i could see a homeless lady sleeping there too... i loved the way you wrote it. your tone is so sad but hopeful. its sounds afraid.... nervous... but willing to trust God with the lady's fate.
very well written!!!
(and you say you can't write... i oughtta kick u... lol)
-
Without all of the often rewarding stiff critiquing, I rather enjoyed this piece. The architect has given what changes are needed to make your jewel shine. All in all, you have penned a wonderful and imaginative piece. We all have errors from time to time.. even Architect when your piece was being critiqued. Proof reading and allowing others to proof read our writes is a habit that rewards.
I think that you have an awesome evolving flow that focused on the bench in its own splendor... then the mood setting of the moon. You then proceeded to thee state of the angel.. and then the interaction of the angel in your created environment. You have painted wonderful imagery. You tell a story in song well. Not all will appreciate our singing. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece and best of luck in the contest
-
hey excellent poem. a very tough subject but very nice job. Good luck in your contest, i say you will do very well and happy fourth of july!!
-
Strong and powerful
You write with such street knowledge about hard subjects. I must say you brought me to that place & I saw pictures of my youth in Brooklyn again. Great piece here
. Rewarded 4
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
