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Solitude

A lifeless audacious dream smeared on a boy like a vile cream
A father's reclusive vision conquers a young domesticated mind
With a torrent of sly praise, a son relives deceased days
As he's forced to follow his father's ways, himself he'll never find
A destinate will is reborn in him, himself he'll never find
Only Solitude will save him from being blind

A portrait drawn with a bias line is what he uses to define
His son whose tenuous form is compressed into a rigid mold
He must mirror the perfection etched on a prestigious complexion
In cede reflection he hears his father say, "God knows you've been told."
A voice addressing itself says, "Remember what you've been told."
Only Solitude will save him from the cold

Visions of grander and wealth blind him to his son's deteriorating health
His son is killing his own soul in a desperate attempt for attention
He'd feel like a sculpture crafted from a foreign culture
As his father victimizes him like a vulture with perverted conviction
his father plunders him like a gold miner with perverted conviction

Only Solitude can save him from affliction

 

His personality his father wouldn't accept so into solitude he deplorably crept

Hoping that he could reforge with his father an ovate connection

His soul on its knees, his father it trying to please

But all emtions freeze as he feel his father's rejection

A soul that is actually a puppet feels it's maker's rejection.

Only Solitude will give him protection

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Everwind Rising
    October 18, 2008
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    Honest and moving. I think that I've seen both sides of this delima, fortunately not so much from my own father. He was pretty supportive of me no even though I didn't follow in his footsteps. Yet after having sons of my own I find that it is a great temptation to desire them to follow a certain path in life.

    Enjoyed your poem. It made me think.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    October 18, 2008

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    You have raised a burning and long lasting question here..and that way your author notes are the appropriate plea to make out the situation seriously..a great sentiment you crafted here..well done...

  • thoughtsforu
    October 18, 2008
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    Follow your dreams

    Very deep and emotional write. You have to live your dreams the way you like not like your father and any other person. Parents sometimes make big mistakes in raising their chidren wanting them to continue living their lives. For each person to grow you need to follow your dreams. Well done. Thank you for coming to my site and reading my poems.


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    September 1, 2008

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    Superb plus

    A most excellent write indeed. I understand what you are saying quite well, as I'm sure others on AP, also do. This is a mistake that many parents make, they kill their childrens dreams before the child even learns what he/she wants to do with their own lives.
    I went through a lot of therapy before I became my own person instead of always trying to live up to someone elses expections, which often were unrealistic.
    Thanks for sharing this one with us.


  • Poesing
    August 30, 2008

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    Wow! A lot of feeling here - and it's wonderful that you express it so well on paper. Really helps a lot, doesn't it? God bless. Keep Writing.


  • michael thomas
    September 14, 2007
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    you write poetry of the self with exposition in almost prose style. Charles Simic was a prose poet, like you. I have only admiration for you trying to sort out these emotions dealing with the hold they have on you. Good work, the first job of the poet, as you are, is to write the hell out of yourself.............


  • poetryality silver member
    September 8, 2007

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    I am the child in my family line that; "needs no help because she is strong". My sister is ill and has been sickly all her life, she gets the attention, and I cannot be angry in that. My little brother was more rebellious than I so, he got the attention in that area, my eldest brothers (three of them) one went to Nam, the other became a minister, and one has diabeties...that leaves me, healthy, driven, wearing a mask to be in agreement that I am strong...

    So...alas...the black sheep remains dark and disenfranchised. I am not looking for pity or understanding in this comment. I simply have written here, what was provoked from your poetry. I too am a parent and am sure I placed certain demands on my children, simply because I wanted them to succeed. But you see, success is in the eye of the one who strives for it most, unbridled. My vision of success and yours may not match, and our society has raised the bar higher than many can reach.

    Sorry for rambling on your page but this poem brought some feeling out of me that I thought had long since waned. Thank you for making me review my emotions with this stunning work. Your use of language is stellar, and the message conveyed is easy to relate to. Excellent!


    Much Love & Respect,

    Renee


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    July 26, 2007
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    Superb

    Wow, an excellant write with which, I'm sure, many on AP can relate.


  • HangingSoul
    July 19, 2007
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    i'm facing exactly all of this right now... i'm done with my grad, and now my parents want me to do a post grad whereas i want to do a job...and they're not even interested in letting me be a journalist which is, to say the least, my calling in life... i mean i'm good at writing... i'm being offered a job in the field...and all my parents can think about is that they want me to have a degree rather than a life!!!

    anyway...enough of the ramblings... i've forgotten all about how amazing i thought this poem was... i like the repition that u used to create a haunting effect which stresses so many important points and also lends to the rhyme!! beautifully crafted...and an amazing and difficult whyme scheme that u used... i always love rhymes that fit between the lines....!! oops i did it too...

    anyway...keep penning....u're good at it!!

    Luv
    VidZ

    PS sorry i can't applaud... i don't have enough points... i will when i do


    • ventus11
      July 19, 2007
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      thanks for the read. i hope that one day you can fulfil your dream and become a journalist. if i were in your postion and they were offering me a job that i loved i would go for it. good luck.

  • HangingSoul
    July 19, 2007

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    i see your point in the poems being similar.... i guess it was just two different ways of expressing the same thing... you are more explicit and verbal about it...while i chose to make it a metaphoric...

    by the way u should also read this one...again its on the same topic... http://allpoetry.com/poem/2698594

    have u heard the song perfect by simple plan... i love the way it goes...

    Hey dad look at me
    Think back and talk to me
    Did i grow up acording to plan
    Do u think i'm wasting my time
    Doing things i wanna do
    But it hurts when u disapprve all along
    and now i try hard to make it,
    I just wanna make you proud
    I'm never gonna be good enough for you
    I can't stand another fight
    Nothings all right
    Coz we lost it all
    Nothing lasts forever
    I'm sorry i can't be perfect


    • ventus11
      July 19, 2007
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      wow, its like that song came striaght form my head.


  • Sandygram silver member
    July 16, 2007

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    Very Heartfelt

    Hello, I know how devastating it can be to have your parents never being satified. I have several friends on here who have gone through the same thing. I tell them to keep writing your honest feelings and don't let anyway say you shouldn't. It is usually the ones who have no idea of the pain you feel or what you go through that don't understand how much writing about pain helps release it. You take care and I hope in time you and your dad can be close. Bless you!! Sandy


  • The Hidden Darkness
    July 16, 2007
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    Not Bad

    This was a lot like Silence, same structure, you've done well here!!! Great job


  • storiesuntold gold member
    July 16, 2007

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    This happens too often

    As you watch your friends and neighbors and families as they correct their children you can see the damage being done day by day . We as adults can not force on our children our own disapointments for not going the whole way with our own dreams . For we had a choice which we ignored and the only thing that puzzels me is why dont they see their dream come true and in doing that would teach their children more about life and they will be proud of them and lov them instead of fearing them every day. Let your children help you see your dream come true by letting them see the excitment of never giving up. So many people I have heard say I would have done that but I got pregnant or I had to get married . Whos fault is that and why did you shut your brain and life down because you were in the process of haveing a family. NO NO NO This is your own fault for not being the best you can be so never force your children to live a dream you had never lived yourself .


  • Aurielle
    July 7, 2007

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    this is really good very dep making rhythm so rap being refreashed and new. Very memorable and sincere


    amazing!!!


  • Asdzaa Nadleehe
    July 6, 2007
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    Bravo...I'm so happy to see that you are putting these thoughts to paper...more so...Im thrilled that you at such a young age clearly understand that our dreams are our own...Its never up to a child to fulfill what a parent failed to achieve..
    This is such an important step in healing.
    I for one am right behind you...smiles
    Peace
    ~A~


  • forgotten voice
    July 6, 2007

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    thats so sad i'm really sorry i know how it is to feel like your parents want you to be a certan way and it sucks it's like live your own life not mine. but great write i'm glad you can get it out and not have to keep dwelling on it.

  • Andy Miles
    July 5, 2007

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    A succession of well chosen words make this piece more a waterfall than a stream. I think your adjectives work fine in most instances though "desperate attempt" and "gold miner" seem too commmon as collocations to carry any special meaning. It is powerful, but maybe a bit of trimming would make this a more blatant, direct, stronger poem.


  • Bazza
    July 4, 2007

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    Love can be shown in strange ways.

    One of the most selfish things in this world are the wishes and stresses that parents put on their children. Instead of accepting them for whoever they are or how they turn out they selfishly expect impossible things. I can go on all day about this, but I am strongly reinforcing the powerful plea that you are sharing. This would be a wonderful poem transcribed onto a nice piece of paper and framed in YOUR STYLE and given to him with Love. My Father showed too late that he was possible of showing Love. Theories abound, but it is an odd fact that many just want the best for their kids but are blind as to how it is achieved, for they think they can 'make' you be that way. Powerful and many messages are entwined throughout your work. Well done.
    Bazza


  • imperfectperfection
    July 4, 2007

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    Emotions Spoken Very Well

    Eddy hun this is very heartfelt emotional poetry expressing hidden feelings brilliantly... The choice of words form a perfectly structured poem that flows gently like a river stream... it's a very heartfelt masterpiece of yours... yes writing helps to move on and is very therapeutic... Sometimes we gorwn ups forget we were kids who had are own dreams we were never able to live and are trying to live through our kids... it happens but unintentionally most of the time... I just hope, wish & pray that you find yourself and your family sees you for you, aperson with dreams, aspirations and strength to make them a reality... very well written but then that is expected of such a talented writer as you hun... let this talent grow and flourish to blooming spring for eternity.... take care Minoo

  • Bob Fox
    July 4, 2007

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    A thoughful write

    A words of sadnees and wisdom. young poet yopu shall grow to be your own man & a maker of fine lines. Wonderful

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