We must have overstayed our welcome, chaps.
The women and the wine have disappeared.
They were correct about the rain, perhaps.
It stayed around much longer than we'd feared.
But, not to worry, we've our little boat.
And though our destination isn't clear,
We'll find a new location, more remote,
For anyplace is preferable to here.
The key to life is always move ahead.
Remaining where we are will make us old.
A stagnant man might just as well be dead.
We're men of action, brilliant, brave and bold!
So onward, men! We sail for distant shores!
(I wish we'd thought to bring along some oars....)
Author notes
Contest entry.
I chose options 1, 2, 3, and 4.
Option 1: Write a poem inspired by The Voyage by Alexander Jansson
( http://www.deviantart.com/print/326722/
Option 2: Write a poem inspired by the word nebulous
Option 3: Write a poem inspired by the quote "A rolling stone gathers no moss."
Option 4: Write a poem using and inspired by one of these titles:
The Sinking of Venice**
Dime Novel Hero
Velvet
Neptune and the Merchant Marine (or Neptune vs. the Merchant Marine)
The Underground
The Legerdemainist
In a list
- Graduate Seminar on the Sonnet group list • next in list
A contest entry
- 4 Ordinary Options: Picture, Word, Quote, Titles by bachelorette.
630 points, ended July 10, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Nothing like being a bit behind in reading but just now discovered this. I am by far not an experst on sonnets but this reads easily, rhymes perfectly and has a great story to go with and I love the ending. I can see why it won a gold...Darlene
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I'm so glad this won an appropriate trophy! I was feeling rather miserable this evening, and this was the perfect sonnet to come upon, what with the humorous last line.
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Easy and amusing read
Love the punch line 'I wish we'd thought to bring along some oars' it ties in very well with the picture. Written along time ago but hey! I've only just joined so new to me -
Move ahead, indeed
testosterone ahoy!
Tiki Cat
Buy my Gourmet Cat Food
"Too Good For Humans"
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LOL!
I laughed all through this piece. I am glad to see it won a Gold. There's really no constructive criticism I can offer on it this. It has perfect meter, excellent rhyme and flow, wonderful humor. The only possible tweaks for you to consider that I can offer are:
Line 12: change the comma to a colon after "action:"
Line 10: ("Remaining where we are will make us old.") possibly consider a slightly different twist, such as "Remaining where we are will leave us cold." (although I do like the line you have written).
Hope that helped in some way.
~M. Bear
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A nice English humour sonnet, and an interesting take on the prompt combination. A great write for the pic too.
Jem
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WOW!!!!
I LOVE this...hint hint...you want a free gold?? Just enter one of my contests!!It should be easy for you to win!!
---Thousand Petals
Merry Christmas!!
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...totally enjyable!
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Very nice. Humorous and again full of the lessons of life. A well deserved gold trophy
BRAVO!
"Pick up the pen and never put it down again"
ASM
AKA Raymond
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I really enjoyed this. It reminded me of that wonderful style of language used by Mr Pooter in 'The Diary of a Nobody'. Sort of elegant but misplaced.
Great.
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This gave me a smile near its finish, a nice sense of humor to it, and a lovely feel.
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A truly beautiful sonnet ended in the most comical mannet.Wonderfully well done!Best of luck
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Outstanding
Flooding has become a big problem in the UK. I thought this was a fantastic sonnet, well-deserving of a gold trophy. It is not easy to write humourous sonnets and you have done very well with this write. I liked how you managed to include some philosophy as well and the tongue in cheek feel of this poem. Well-written and very funny.
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that's why writing is Art ... it can evoke a crisis and end it with a smirk
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I loved it. another humorous but captivating poem you have wirtten well done.
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some applause
-K
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Excellent as always. This one brought a chuckle. I love it. Good luck.
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A sonnet! The first sonnet ever entered into one of my contests. The end couplet is perfectly acceptable.
This has everything: great imagery, a great story, wonderful rhymes and rhythm, drama, and comedy. This is truly a magnificent piece. I’m really glad all of the options could inspire this. It’s practically perfect (not that I have any suggestions for improvement).
My favorite line: “A stagnant man might as well be dead.”
Thanks so much for entering. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed reading a poem so much.
-K
(please do not rate or respond until the contest is over) -
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Thank you for the kind comments and for the inspiration. This was a really fun write for me.
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Enjoyed it
With the projected melting of the ice caps, many coastal cities are threatened, and Venice's streets are just a meter or two above sea level. Flooding is already so frequent that they don't put away the raised sidewalks...
I love the sonnet form, and the air of bravado is priceless. Best of luck!
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