It’s evident that you’re a star that shines in someone else’s galaxy,
But when you impart love, every clatter around turns into a charming melody.
You may well be an angel that is seeking joy in someone else’s world,
But the moment you set your heart free, I find myself in a twirl.
You are a star; you are a beautiful star,
You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far.
Nobody can spread love to others when they are in love with someone,
But when you exude such tenderness, I feel calm and worry about none.
I am pressed to believe; nobody will match up to you ever,
Since you are so special to me, an angel that has made me so clever.
You are a star; you are a beautiful star,
You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far.
Every moment of my life goes by and I proudly classify you as ‘classified’,
Every breath that we take suggests the fact we are still satisfied.
When I have to deal with fools and you with clowns,
We ought to remember, as always, we must face the ups ‘n’ downs.
You are a star; you are a beautiful star,
You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far.
Even so, we lend a deaf ear to them and seek each other in every corner,
The instant we shut our eyelids, all other things no longer matter!
With you around, all my worries are on a long holiday,
With you around, we are in our own ‘milky way’.
You are a star; you are a beautiful star,
You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far.
You are glory; you are freedom,
Of the life man leads, you are the reason.
A contest entry
- NEW; 10 options contest!!! , and more come take a look! by perfectsunset.
300 points, ended July 12, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A Lovely poem of unanswered love, a person you long for and can not reach
The language is very good and the flow of it is easy. Very good
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this is stunning....you have real ability..seriously this should be published
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SO DEEPLY TOUCHING!!!!
I have loved from afar in my past and always I had to move on but while it lasted every little attention she paid me brought a wonderful warm feeling to me.
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GREAT READ
This is a great write.... enjoyed reading this.... excellent job your metaphore was good, and use of words. keep pinning., and goodluck
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Great write. You have a way with 'love' words. My favorite of this the last stanza -"You are a star; you are a beautiful star, You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far.
You are glory; you are freedom,
Of the life man leads, you are the reason.'
I wish I could have such a way with words as yourself.
Your words remind me of what 'could have been' thanks for the moment.
Peace ~ Mia Linda
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Very pure... exudes a lot of magic and if colors could describe feelings, i felt really a spotless white and silver with dashes of pink all through your write.
Amazing write... the imagery ans flow is awesome. A deeply impressive work... I can't point out my favorite part, because, putting the whole poem in quotes is not really my style of commenting, but the refrain really does it in.
"You are a star; you are a beautiful star,
You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far."
Amazing work. Keep writing and sharing...
Cheers.
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This poem is so beautiful, so magical.
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I likey muchies
the best bit would have to be:
"The instant we shut our eyelids, all other things no longer matter!
With you around, all my worries are on a long holiday,
With you around, we are in our own ‘milky way’."
simply amazing =]]
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G R E A T
you have a talent that goes beyond explanation my friend...
great job
ephiphany
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This was a beautiful poem! And I agree with some of your other comments; this would make a beautiful song!
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Very beautiful write!!
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This is outstanding dude...
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your so romantic the poetry realy tuches my heart
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Very good, Who was is it for?
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Beautiful words! A song in the making I do believe. Excellent and well put together......mal
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Nothing true is out of reach ...just hang in their until morning...
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wow! it was really a great write with the sweet feeling to itxD - awesome haan!
keep penning,
seeya
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You are a poet....a beautiful poet
I must say,I am rather impressed. You labeled yourself weird and yet here I see nothing to imply that at all. Are you leading a double life?
We all lead double lives,in our own ways,I suppose.
Great work here,leaves me wondering why there have been no more??
Love this!
As Always,
~Deena
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this is so beautiful! I write songs to!
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Beautiful!
Such tenderness... -
this was a great write. Keep up the good work.
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this is most beautiful. Tenderness, emotional, loving. Just divine. Talent shines forth in this piece..may you find your ink to return once again and bless the world with your words.
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i really like this
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Excellent Poem
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aww this is such a sweet poem, i loved it!
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some good lines
like the repetition of the star that that shines "a wee bit too far." And I like the part about being unable to spread love when you're in love. Some truth in that.
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You are a star; you are a beautiful star,
You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far.
Even so, we lend a deaf ear to them and seek each other in every corner,
The instant we shut our eyelids, all other things no longer matter!
These words are so very true. This is such a beautiful poem, you really have a way with words and emotions, i wish i could paint emotions the way you do.
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Almost a song Nice poem, it's pretty.
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wow, that was pretty much amazing.
i loved it.
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This absolutely blew me away, I love how the whole thing is woven together. I need no explanation on your well crafted words, as I understand every word you have written. Well done with this truly amazing piece of work.
Shaz xx
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"with you around, all my worries are on a long holiday"
That is just...Wonderful...I love that sentence right there
It makes me think about my situation
I truly love ur poetry...
keep doing that... -
This is beautiful, I love all the metaphors and the imagery is spectacular! Yeah, i crave imagery :]
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that was amazing. (:
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really captured the reality of want
This was a great poem and you really let the reader know that the feelings are strong and the speaker is willing to ignore the harsh words in exchange for just a glimps of the subjects affection, even if its for someone else. I think that you should try writing poetry without the last word of every line rhyming. Just a suggestion. Well Done! -
see...you r good
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wow that was awesum...i really loved the flow of it all............keep it up...tc,bye!
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Great write. Wow, I love it. I'm looking forward to more of your work. Fantastic!!!!!!!!!
Amber
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BEAUTIFUL !!
Yoour words are fantastic. Very beautifully written my friend. BRAVO !!
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This was a tender penning, wonderful lines that reach the reader and leave you with a *sigh*, lovely work and my pleasure to read
~tia
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cute
i liked this very much. awesome!
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Cute!!
A well-written poem,loved the repetition...
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Great write. I really llike this poem i love the lines' "Nobody can spread love to others when they are in love with someone,
But when you exude such tenderness, I feel calm and worry about none.
I am pressed to believe; nobody will match up to you ever,
Since you are so special to me, an angel that has made me so clever" This poem touched my heart
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Once again beautiful poem.
Amber -
great Write
Hey.
Loved the wording in the poem. Though it was really well expressed. I particularly thought the way you ended the poem was great. A nice way to finish it off.
Nicely written.
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this is so good I loved the part:
"You are a star; you are a beautiful star,
You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far.
You are glory; you are freedom,
Of the life man leads, you are the reason." keep it up!
~red rose of light~
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I'll say that this was very good.
I enjoyed the imagery a lot. A little bit of the rhyming seemed forced,
but not too bad.
Overall it fit together nicely.
However,
"Even so, we lend a deaf ear to them and seek each other in every corner,
The instant we shut our eyelids, all other things no longer matter!"
Corner and matter don't rhyme.
It disrupts the flow of them so maybe choose a word that will correspond with the one below or above it.
Overall this was written very nicely.
The metaphors were soothing and done great.
Wonderful job, Care to read some of mine? <3 -
speechless.
the comment below says it all.
if feels like its being read to me.
that level of connection with a reader is phenominal.
well done.
curiosity...who was it about?
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Excellent Poem,Indeed
I THOUROUGHLY ENJOYED EVERY WORD OF THIS POEM. IT SEEMED LIKE IT WS BEING READ TO ME, ALTHOUGH I KNOW IT WASN'T, IT JUST MADE ME FEEL THAT WAY. NOW IF A POEM CAN DO THAT TO SOMEONE, THEN THERE IS TRULY A GREAT-WRITER, BEHIND THE POEM.....LOVED IT...'GOD BLESS YOU'....WONDERFUL-POEM'...LOVE, SHIRLEY ANN SHAW-RAYTOWN,MO.........................................
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I love it! You're a great writer!
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Very very very beautiful!
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amazing, love it! keep it up
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Ok...normally i dont read this sort of thing...but i thought i'd give it a go. It's very pretty, it's actually quite beautiful...
Well done. =]
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Amazing! A very great poem.
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wow. this is... amazing! MAJOR props :]
welcome to AllPoetry
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So amazing! Well written.
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hey! this is really cool!
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love it love it
this is your best write i just love it keep it up your good at this you have a talent
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very good! wonderful wording
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A wonderful piece. The one you where thinking about writing this should be really happy. You really express the feelings, and you make it all so important. It's a strong piece, with great wording, great lines! "It’s evident that you’re a star that shines in someone else’s galaxy," I really like that line. You know how to use the words! Keep on writing!
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This is a really beautiful peice...and, I really don't know what else to say...This is one of those poems that makes you feel...just happy. You did a wonderful job on this. Good luck in that contest!
~Avan~
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This is beautiful I loved the rhyme so genuine and it is just great what can I say go you
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wow...first time in a long time I
ve read something rhymed that doesn't seem fake to me...that said, this is a wonderfully sweet little pick me up for someone special...put it to music and you have a hit for sure!
goood luck in the contest! -
Very nice. I like the rhyming.
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WOW! This is so beautiful, so full of love and warmth, so romantic and so special. The one you wrote it for is lucky indeed to have someone like you write this for her. It's admirable. I really like the imagery and the tenderness in your words. I felt transported across the universe in the scribble of your pen.
BRAVO!
Charishma
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Very nice...
Good luck in this contest!!!
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I like this, the rhyming wasn't forced [so easy that I barely noticed it actually]. Good job. Wasn't dark enough for me to go crazy over it though. =]
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Wow.
I really like the description you've put into this.
Poetic is an understatement.
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This is good I like it
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Good job i liked it alot keep up the good work!!!
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the flow of a beautiful love song...You are a star; you are a beautiful star...you are glory; you are freedom...of the life man leads, you are the reason thank you so much for sharing this masterpiece...Winner for sure!
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It reminded me of a sweet song! It's wicked, I love it!
Fire Angel -
nice work man. I like how you ended it. this would make a great song in my opinion. well... keep at it man.
-Angel- -
omfg
wow this is amazing! i love it! add more! more! more!
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oh this is wonderful! it is really sweet and sirin-esque
keep it up amo!
^+_+^
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wow
wow thats all i can say really, i love it .
nice write maybe u could readone of mine some time untill then keep this up
bye bye
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There is a wonderful lyrical tone to these words. I like the repeated lines as well. There are some clichés here like "ever/clever" but to me love is a cliché and where would we be without it. It's always hardest to love someone that seems to be in love with another. Excellent musing!
April -
this is really sweet
I like the formant you used here and the flow
My favorite line :
"With you around, all my worries are on a long holiday,
With you around, we are in our own ‘milky way’."
I think thats just a really sweet line...kinda cheesy but enough to make a girl melt.
Overall this was sweet and well put together...nice emotion.
Good luck in the contest
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awww this is so sweet
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Sweet and Kind Write!
WOW! This is an excellent write! So romantic and loving.... she must be one special lady!
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hmm i don't know what happened to my comment so i coment you again. This is beautiful good job! Nice ending as well.
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this is beautiful rillz! good job and a nice ending as well
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Great
this one is great. the whole thing of comparing someone to a star. i like the flow of it. i would love to read more they are all just so good so far...
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i like it! each stanza i very moving and emotional. good job!
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Excellent
Beautiful piece, good imagery, great rhythm, very good flow,an enjoyable read, thanks for sharing
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I loved it it was moving.
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Amazing write with some great
imagery here. I love the rhythm
and rhyme too. Well done with
this and thanks a lot for sharing
it here! Keep up the wonderful
work here!
Jeremy0826 -
Amazing
Wow I really like this it's like wow. I absolutly love it. -
your realy good. and yo have talent
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wow.. you definately have the rhyming thing worked out and your imagery is very good. i love the message behind it. its beautiful and the pace was just nice. you are a great writer.
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This would make a great song. Beautiful!
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This has an excellent rythmn to this, and i love the theme behind it. And some images in it that really stuck with me.
You have a lot of potencial, and I look forward to seeing waht you come up with in future.
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I like this. It has a nice flow, makes me want to hear it performed. The imagery is good, I wanted to point out some favorite lines but really there's more of them. I also like the astral feel to it. By comparing your loved one to a star you make it sound like the whole universe participates to your feelings. Welcome to AP, by the way.
~Diana
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i absolutely love the refrain!
"You are a star; you are a beautiful star,/ You are a star that shines even though it may be a wee bit far."
a wonderful twist on what otherwise would be rather typical, beautiful... yet a "wee bit far," an undertone of troubling distance, a underlying struggle between intimacy and distance that runs throughout the poem. ("someone else's galaxy," "someone else's world." "Even so, we lend a deaf ear to them and seek each other in every corner,/ The instant we shut our eyelids, all other things no longer matter!") and the rhythm and earnestness in this is great.
i have to admit that sometimes i had a bit of a hard time understanding the connection between the two lines and the couplet or the sequence, and sometimes things seemed obviouly manipulated to rhyme.
i found some of the phrasing odd. "when you impart love," "when you exude such tenderness," "I feel calm and worry about none," "suggests the fact we are still satisfied." there's a lot of passive voice in this, dobn't know if that's intentional, but to me it kind of weighed this down.
but there are some neat lines in this,
"I proudly classify you as ‘classified’"
and i like how you built on the astronomical images. anyways, cool, and thanks for pointing me this way! -
This is a wonderful poem I really like it and this line is so good....When I have to deal with fools and you with clowns,
We ought to remember, as always, we must face the ups ‘n’ downs... great poem, keep up the good work!!!
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great poem. i love it a lot. good luck in the contest. i think you did very well.
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awwwwwww, i wish someone would write something sweet like that for me! that almost made me cry! <3awesome
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I can kinda relate to this. I love "Even so, we lend a deaf ear to them and seek each other in every corner,
The instant we shut our eyelids, all other things no longer matter!" it shows a true connection. Love the theme, wondeful!
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Great Job
Great job! It's very different from the ordinary love writes.For example a lot of poem say things like "your my star" and keep ramblin' on about how important the person is but in this write you took that "star" to another level. The only part that threw me off was on the third stanza "wee bit far" I don't know, to me it didn't really fit to the mood the poem was setting, but over all it's great. welcome to AP.
Bitter§weetes -
CUTE
you did a good job in expressions of the post..someone special something you appreciate,beauty...keep expressing good luck...mm
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