I was trying to write you a poem,
to impress you with my words.
...
Along the river's foaming crest
dancing sparklets lay imprisoned
in the droplets,
waves dandling them like a mother’s arms.
Fractured light from sky and clouds
crawled on the strand
touching it with broken fingers...
What are you doing?
I am writing you a poem.
About me?
No, it is about a river. And about a girl.
Oh, I thought it might have been a love poem.
But, it is a love poem.
I can't see...
Wait...
There was a girl on the shore, singing songs of desire
drawing hearts and writing her lover's name on the sand,
while the wind was following her voice like a choir,
barefoot she was standing on the river’s strand.
She was feeding ducks and frogs and fish
thinking only about the time when she will meet him,
her eyes gleaming, in her heart a wish...
the sun floating over the water like a gold burning Seraphim.
At night, warm sand was her pillow,
with morning her soles kissed by the river's billow...
While stretching her arms to hail the morning sun
she found on her finger a ring made of wet river's spear,
she was licking her lips before breakfast,
her teeth sunk deep in a fresh pear...
...
Pear? Where does the pear come from?
And where is this river now?
This poem is not consistent to your promise...
But it is. Everything is at the same place.
At the beginning and at the end of the poem.
And where is love?
At the same place. At the beginning and after the end of my life.
Wait... wait... you are teasing me, how to read your poem if it is endless?
From the beginning to the end of my love.
Author notes
POY - Poem of the year 2007 - Allpoetry site gold trophy winner
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2383838
Theme: Conversation between lovers when one of them are trying to write uncommon poem telling about love.
* Free, narrative form combined with the rhyme
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narrative_poem
In a list
- AP Trophies G - S - B and HW • next in list
- Love • next in list
- AP Trophies - POD, POW, POM, POY and HW • next in list
- My Favorite AP Poets • next in list
- AP Fav Poems • next in list
- AP Book Project 2 group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Destiny~ by poet2angels.
650 points, ended July 12, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Golden Gallant - Pre-writes for Gold Brilliance by Namita.
300 points, ended August 4, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm a dreamwine poet -- who are you? by DancingRed.
300 points, ended September 5, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Time Favorite! by Mezclita.
600 points, ended October 13, 2007, 43 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best everything by sociaL IntollErance.
300 points, ended November 5, 2007, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of 2007 by B Chandler.
1000 points, ended December 30, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poem of the Year ( POY ) by Arkbear.
13750 points, ended January 4, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your best PW from 2007... by O.o.
1000 points, ended January 11, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stun Me by realism-vs-romance.
600 points, ended May 27, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 75 of 75
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this has obviously been through a great deal of eyes, but I was curious ...
waves dandling them like a mother’s arms.
was that meant to read that way?
it makes more sense to me with a g, as in dangling
nicely done
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Yes, it must be dangling, the word dangle is used with a purpose.
Thanks for your visit and kind comment.
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Wow! This is excellent...I can see why it's won so many gold trophies. I love the interludes of conversation...they really enhance the piece and your phenomenal imagery. Very well done!
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I like it, its very original, and its a beautiful piece.
thanks for entering!
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very beautiful piece, and a very unique style. i love it
pegleg
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this still leaves me in tears... congrats on your 3rd anniversary, sonja! beautiful...
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Thank you my beautiful friend. I hope that you will join to my contest.
~Sonja~
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"And where is love?
At the same place. At the beginning and after the end of my life.
Wait... wait... you are teasing me, how to read your poem if it is endless?
From the beginning to the end of my love."
What a beautiful rendering of a sacred conversation this is, Sonja. This last stanza incorporates my beliefs, as well. This is why I "end" my poem with ellipses...because it never truly ends. Brava on winning so many tributes & honors with this lovely piece, my Friend. Very impressive. Wanda
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You are right dear Wanda; ellipses are very often present in my poetry too. Many do not like them, but, this is my style, (if one could talk of any style because I am writing as my thoughts flow) to emphasize things important to me. Honesty, I was surprised what effect has this poem to my readers, but I am so glad. Each poet strive to do the best.
Thank you for your shiny visit to my side of poetry.
~Sonja~
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Wonderful, unusual metaphors and images. The images help me see the scene vividly. Congratulations on the POY and all the other trophies. All are well deserved.
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4 gold... 4 silver!!
EXCELLENT!!!!! -
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My dear friend, with your visit you are always leaving a piece of sun on my site. Thank you.
~Sonja~
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Great I love this . Well done and thanks for entering.
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This was amazing...And while I loved it...The poem already has 4 gold trophies, and 3 silver trophies...No doubt well deserved, but...I don't think I could give another trophy to a poem, no matter how deserving, if it already had 4 gold trophies, haha(By the way, congrats on POY gold)....But now to speak about the poem...
"She was feeding ducks and frogs and fish
thinking only about the time when she will meet him,
her eyes gleaming, in her heart a wish...
the sun floating over the water like a gold burning Seraphim."
I loved those lines...Sometimes we see words that are simple and rhymed, and we feel it sounds forced or that the writer didn't have the talent to put them together correctly...But that clearly is not the case here. Your words were perfect together, and isn't that what we really strive to do as poets?
Amazing poem, but like I said...I don't think I can give it another gold trophy...Think you have another to impress me with?
Brandon Spalletta -
Impresive
No wonder you won the Gold you so deserved it! Beautifully done!
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Oh Sonja, such a beautiful piece! Congratulations on your POY Gold Trophy...so richly deserved. I truly enjoyed reading the poem. You must know that I am a rhymer and enjoyed the most, the poem that rhymes within the piece which is written for her love. I usually have to read free writes several times to "get it" but your explanation helped quite a lot. You are truly a gifted and talented writer.
Carolyn
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Dear Carolyn, I like to write where my heart is driving me at the moment of inspiration. Mostly this is free style but from time to time I like to entwine it with rhyming poetry too. Thank you for so nice comment and applause. Also I am glad to know woman and poetess like you are.
~Sonja~
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This is beautiful. Congratulations on the POY award and honor. It is richly deserved.
Your "voices" in this poem are so pure and so clear.
This is beautiful.
Love and hugs from another "wise poet." - jo
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Thank you very much for so nice comment and applause, jo
~Sonja~
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Really a great poem for the golden winner in POY. Congratulations. Very unique way of writing - pleasure to read. Why one writes is so different for each person -
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Thank you dear Erika.
~Sonja~
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Congratulations on your POY.
Certainly a delightful read.
I did find it hard to follow at some points
but then it could just be me.
You certainly have a reason to be proud for sure, if for nothing else just the shear pleasure of writing this one
Becky
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Thank you very much Becky. To me, this trophy was more than a great surprise.
~Sonja~
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Please check the use of elipses.
Clarity: 10.0
Structure: 10.0
(rhyme & meter)
(line breaks & structure)
Grammar: 10.0
Punctuation: 9.5
Use of Language: 10.0
Poetic Value: 10.0
Uniqueness: 10.0
Impact: 10.0
Theme: 10.0
Title: 10.0
Total: 99.5
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Yes!
This is what I love so much about the PO contests...finding entries one after another that are top-notch and so deserving of recognition. As Bear said...you're giving other entries a definite run for their money. Whether this ends up being the POY or not, the number of trophies backing it up speaks highly of its worth and quality. You have every reason to be proud of this, and I loved every word. Thanks so much for entering it in the POY, or sadly I may never have read it, and what a loss that would have been without my even knowing it!
Best wishes and happy new year,
~J. -
Yes
Good luck. -
Yes ~
You are giving Bunny a run for her money ~
Top notch write, and I can see why it has won so many Trophys of Silver & Gold ~
Good luck my Friend,
Bear ~
PS...This is one of the most creative writes I have ever read ~
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Yes~
One of the best poems I've seen in a good long time.
Good luck~ -
A superb piece, very creative and well thought out with wonderful imagery. Very well penned. Good luck with it in the contest and a very Happy New Year!
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Wow! Look at all those trophies! Fantastic.
Congratulations.
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Thank you dear Zayra.
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OUTSTANDING -- Excellent Writing
This leaves me breathless. IT IS A MASTERPIECE.
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Each poet is starving to write a masterpiece. I am happy and proud if this one is mine own.
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Quite different than anything I have ever read before. A beautiful story about a story writer who knows where her heart lies.
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First impression is the dazzling glitter of all the trophies!!
Second impression is that you deserve them, this is a beautiful poem within a poem, about love and about being a poet. I like the story of the river, and the questions about it.
I like it better now than I did in July. I was such a newbie! Let's see if I can applaud now.
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Thank you dear Sandal, with your comments and your so nice words you makes me to be proud of my own poetry. I am so glad that you like it and you do not need to applaud it. Your friendships and great poetical support are the best what any poet needs.
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this is terrific i love the dialoge and the close
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lol... i absolutely fell in love with this one... especially after considering what i read in this other entry here called "loving an artist"... check it out... this one had me smiling the whole way through because it's perfectly persented in the most creative way with the right words at the right time... great one thank u 4 penning it up and sharing!
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This is just so beautiful, Sonja. I'm reading this for the 4th time... its just awesome.
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My dear friend, poetess with a heart big as a mountain and tender as a feather, you are always welcome to my site. After your fourth visit making my chest to swell of proud.
~Sonja~
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Just ahd to come back and read this again. Awesome.
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This is extremely beautiful poem!! The imagery you use is heavenly. Gold burning seraphim, ring made of wet river spears, awesome and you start about writing your poem as a river, very empowering. When we fall in love we go through positive life changes. Adore these lines -
At the same place. At the beginning and after the end of my life.
Wait... wait... you are teasing me, how to read your poem if it is endless?
From the beginning to the end of my love.
We have a lot of room in our hearts for happiness and sunshine to come in. Something i experience all the time with my husband Highly pleasurable poem.
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This is most beautiful. I love the way you've recorded thoughts and questions, ideas and images. This is a truly vivid poem.
It isn't any wonder it's already won you two gold trophies.
Thanks for entering this poetic piece.
DancingRed.
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This is a beautiful poem! I especially liked "There was a girl on the shore, singing songs of desire
drawing hearts and writing her lover's name on the sand,
while the wind was following her voice like a choir,
barefoot she was standing on the river’s strand" This was wonderful to read, and you are right, you are destined to write poetry. Keep up the good work
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oh gosh.. that is just so damn beautiful.. there's that very light touch to it, like the caress of a drifting petal on your cheek in spring.. this is such a soft piece.. and i love the arrangement, the dialogue, the deep daydream gaze to it..
pretty, very pretty..
thanks for sharing. well deserved write! congrats on the 2 golds!
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Hi,
You have just won the contest "Golden Gallant" As you may know, you will get 300 points first and 100 points at evey month end from August 31st to December 31st. This is just to let you know that you'll be receiving the points. Remind me if you do not receive it. Congrats again on winning gold out of 72 amazing entries.
Luv,
Candy
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Dear Candy, thank you for this shiny trophy. It means a lot to me but you do not need to send me any further points. I have enough of them. It was very generous of you to start this kind of contest. Keep points for your other contests like and make some other poet happy too.
~Sonja~ -
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That is much more generous of you to say that! You are a real poetess.
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Amazing writye. Good luck and thanxx fro entering.
Luv,
Candy
Contest Holder
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Excellent, one of the best so far.
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Yes, you are right, and this poet will never stop to do that.
~Sonja~ -
I enjoyed the second stanza best, but it says so much of fruit and the choices we girls make in our world.
Tamara
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Thank you Tamara. your visit to my site and comment are much appreciated.
~Sonja~
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Most beautiful. Good luck with your destiny of poetry writing. I want to be a published author as well of poetry and of stories and prose. Beautifully expressed, such lovely flow and choice of words and vocabulary throughout.
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Thank you dear xEmpathic Rosex for your so nice comment.
I am sure one day you will be published too. Don't be in rush. It is much better to publish your work when you will have the right feelings about your poetry. The most important is that you must like it. It must be a part of you. That could be in a month, five, maybe three years but then your happiness will be sweet like a sweet wine.
~Sonja~
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This is so creative and So unique...WOW, I loved this...no wonder you won the gold, congrats!
Excellent poem!
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Thank you dear friend.
~Sonja~ -
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you're welcome and I will have to look up the meaning of the title of this poem now...lol
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I am so happy that you have followed your destiny!
We are able to read such beautiful thoughts of love and life from your golden pen!
TY for entering this magic!
Lynda
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the paradox of love, beautiful
the imperfection of the rhyme making it soft, human, warm, singing a heart’s reality. the incredible perfection of the framing unrhyme making its touch as sharp as a razor blade, cutting skin deep traces, never touching the flesh yet penetrating straight to the heart. the paradox of love
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Lovely interchange - I like the different styles and images, and I love the questions about how these could express love. My sweetie is just such a concrete guy, but love goes around and around anyway.
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Outstanding
This poem is exquisite with such a powerful story, you draw the reader into your world and do not disappoint. I loved the imagery and the way you have created a poem that is at once intimate and timeless. This is a brilliant poem. Best of luck in the contest.
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lovely
this poem showed style and wit about the worlds love and loss of ,good over all poem,keep sharing...mm -
Your destiny is to write poetry...and this is exactly what you did here, my friend. I so loved the narrative style of this poem, the many interactions between the lovers. Love poetry really is your forte and this one is evidence of that. Beautiful imagery...and the last few lines are simply gorgeous!
~ Nicolette
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