For four months I said I love you
Thinking I truly meant it back
No sweet rythmes
Or how we did things behind anyone's back
No happiness
No love?
Was any of it any real?
Was I just more prey for you, a Vulture's thrill?
Was it too far?
Was there too much
Or was there too much time
Or didn't I do enough?
Wasn't I a good enough girlfriend
That seems to go away in the walking wind?
Or am I part of your alter ego
That talks to you within?
Mom always walking around
But I can't kill myself enough to disappear
All I want to do is save everyone I love
All friends from far and near
I tried to keep it together
For four months I thought I did
I guess I couldn't cut it
But it wasn't something I regreted
People say I'm a bad guy
And think I'm crazy
Like I'm trying to save the world
Make me feel like I am an idiot
But yet I am the only one being lazy
Kurt knows it's coming
It's just not the wind
I'm on my stiars, I want to cry
But I didn't want this guy to win
Flash-backing..I remember getting raped
Zanix, sweet Zanix, the only way I could escape
There was series of online relationships
And ironically they'd relate
Through that, I became a conselor online
I'm sure I recovered from it
But I don't know in the words of "fine"
Kurt knows it's coming
Part of me has had it up to hear
Feeling fatter than ever
Still, I don't even know my greatest fear
And no it isn't dying
Maybe finding vital things out
Screw most people who don't care about me
They don't care, all they do is shout
Parents either say you're fat and need to lose weight
Then their kids rebel, and all they can do is think about hate
They snap on you, and look bad
Those kids are thinking about good times they should of had
All I know is that I've gotten to the point
Where you think you can't think
And you're going off the brink.
Everything storms in, but it never comes out
And the vioces in your head,
All they ever do is !@#$ing shout
You never understand any of the sh!t in your life
But yet the easier it gets, Satan piles on more strife
Yikes, excuse me and as I was sayin'
This boy, this game he's playin'
The words he's saying
Ain't making up for everything he's got
...God...[someone could]
You could give me the world and not have it mean a thing
I want honest true commitment, but that doesn't mean a diamond ring
I don't want a guy witha wonder eye
And the height of 6 something and eyes that can look past the sky
I might be 5 seven
That's not the best height, but as I hear him talking ..."I love you baby..."
All I'm hearin' is but hype
Part of me yells
"I want out, I want out"
Then there's "Is there doubt, is there doubt"
I dug myself in this hole, and I can't get out
I think I need some space
But there's no way out
Or is there a way out?
Author notes
'Your Heart Is My Symphony'
Look I know this was long. If you read, thank you. I kind of went a wall. I'm thinking of breaking up with a guy that thinks I'm his everything and that i was the reason he's alive and the reason he got out of this gang... yeah. I know I am goth, I have been dating a gangster [ex gangster for 1yr+] He has been looking for girls left in right and the other day ago, I stayed over at his house. His parents like me. His girl cousin is crazy about me, she has me on her top 8.
Today he was yipping about a "shiner" {black eye?} him and his friends were playing basketball and one of them jumped too high... i didn't know what to say. i didn't say anything. Then he said i gave him the cold shoulder, and turbed away from me. my mom was yelling for me. i didn't feel right going back into my room. As his reminder on his cell told him he might be late. He saw me sitting on my steps. He was at the top. he was looking down on me, I told him good-bye. He came downstairs to where i was at, saying i gave him the cold shoulder, and he can't trust me with his problems and [yeah, that type of deal]... being an online concelor, there is something called confidentiality. I may not be able to spell it at the given moment. but i understand what it means, and i use it to its fullest.
breaking up with him seems right...i don't know what else to do...i feel like i need out, and i don't know. I person once told me to "ride out the storm" ... umm i think this might be the eye... i feel lost in it, and hi.
Did I ever say "hi" ... I'm sixteen and --- I don't want to live a double life. Can you tell me what you thought of this poem [aka past 5 months of my life and more in some parts] Can you give me some advice, prayer if you care, anything if you feel like if it could help and that it's there?
Ladies, Gentleman...am I doing what's right?
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Heartbreaking
Your story is more common than you might think. You are young and growing inside and out. Though you might think you understand, I know that I still have questions unanswered and I'm 48. Life is a test and the ones that make it are strong as you. I think you are going to be just fine. Listen to your heart and don't do anything to put yourself in danger. I wish you did not have to experence these things, but we all do at one point or another. Love and kisses, The Shaker
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I like the write even tho it made me sad....And I agree wit wat other people have been saying...Know who you are. If who you want to be does't work with who this guy is or who he wants you to be, then he does...don't ditch yourself, ya know. And I would say that this guy seems to need you too badly. My philosohy is if a guy can't take care of himself...how is he supposed to take care of you? If you really feel like you needa let me him go...let him go. And if after time,after he mans up, if he's supposed to come back to you, he will. Hope that helps!
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Don't make your life and world around someone else...the best thing I could say is trust your heart over your mind....no matter what happens you will know it was right..
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never stop living your life for someone else. you cannt be controled and i am pulling for you alll the way
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No one should ever tell someone else what to do. I feel for you, and this was a heartfelt and angst filled poem. I am rooting for you, don't ever stop living in yourself, KP
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a very interesting write. it seems like you just wrote what you were thinking at the moment, and thats really col. but in others, it seemed like you forced the rhymes, and that doesn't always work out, though that portrays a sense of inability to overcome the obstacle, so that worked for this poem. i give you kudos for what you wrote about, it's never an easy thing.
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This is good!
Thank you for entering..x -
goshers this is a really long poem, seems to me you're pretty confused right now. i hope everything works out, thanks for entering and good luck. :]
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thanks. i thought this was the only way i could get you to read this poem. you know it's me now. i commented back. so now you know i broke up with my bf... and i havent heard much word yet from Jeremiah Bear. =[ And July 9th was deff. the weirdest day of my life! I didn't enter to win, and i know it was more for "dirtty pretty" and i can't write that. so, yeah... i wanted you to know... and aye. you got to it.
thanks for reading me. you havent read my stuff in ages. im sorry if it's kinda depressing now. ill see what i can pull together in my spare time. 
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Wow, really good expression! Hon, you know I'm here for you. Whenever you need me. I'm serious. If you want my cell #, I'll be happy to give it to you. Kep strong! You're too much of a jewl to lose!
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*huggs* id say to ride it out for a lil while..but if things dont get better.. then sometimes you have no choice.. but if you dont love him.. dont lead him to belive so,
great poem hun
hope you feel better *huggs* -
no prob about the longness of the poem i got into the write and wanted to see the ending i can relate with this poem.I was raped by my incle i know what you mean about that aspect and not wanting him to win.And about how you feel about him is expressed in this poem amazingly.Nice write
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First of all it's a great poem. And it doesn't matter that it's long. It's deep and full of emotions.
Second, as I told you on myspace. I hope it will be good for both of you. And from the poem I got that you SHOULD break up with him. I'm not really good with advices about love so I won't give you any because I'm afraid if I say something wrong heh. Good luck with the contest hun.
Keep writing and God Bless
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Damn. If you stayed with him for five months that's great IF you really felt something for himand wanted to stay. If not then it would be best to let him go. I'm not saying that you never felt anything for him at all, you did date him, just that if you no longer feel the same then what is the point in staying. It seems like he is getting to clingy but I could be wrong. In the end hun, it's all up to you. (If you need to talk you can always hit me up. ^_^)
Great poem and good luck.
Unfaithfully Your's
Of Blood and Tears
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This leaves me quite speechless. To pour out your soul like this can also be your own coping mechanism. Sometimes we writers just need to let the ink flow and we can only heal ourselves. No, it's not easy, but... eventually we do get past it all. But I wish I could wave a magical wand and make it all better. But the next best thing I can do is send ya some hugs.
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sweetie this is an intense write, full of mixed up emotions..my advice to you would be to wait until you have time to think clearly befor you make any important decisions, this guy may not be perfect..but are any of us..maybe you were both meant to share a little more time together, maybe this is the right time for both of you to go your own way..find a moment or two to sit and think, have you learned all you can from each other, have you come to the point where you can go no further witho utcausing each other problems or pain..if so then it is time to part and begin a new part of your lives without each other, sometimes this is the natural way and holding on to something that has run its course is just wasting your time and his.
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wow
Well all i can say is if you don't care for him anymore than there is no point faking
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Let me start out by saying that this was a ood write. You showed a lot of emotion and genuine feeling in it. You aren't writing like you have all the answers, or in an arrogant way, you write out of questioning which I enjoy. It feels like you just wrote down what you were feeling and thinking directly onto a piece of "paper" (you know what I mean) I do this alot, sort of a rant. The boyfriend situation..... ...I'm very sorry....I was in a relationship that was bad all the way around from every aspect right from the start....I thought I loved the guy though....and thought he had the same feelings back, but I was just an outlet for his frustration half the time...in more ways than one. Calling that relationship off killed me, but it had gotten to where it was just stagnant...He promised he would change and that I was the reason he was still even living and blah blah blah....but...if you're not sure about it...and you don't think that you're happy where you are...then it's probably not the best thing. You can always still try to be friends afterwards, although to be honest, I've never really had any look with that part....so really try to take a breather and think about it. Why don't you talk with him about how you're feeling. I don't know if it would be good in your scenario, but it might help. I hope things get better.
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i'm sorry things are going so bad for you.. i wish there was some way i could help.. about breaking up with your boyfriend, i've been there. i think i told you about the whole thing with TJ.. he told me the same thing, about me being his everything and stuff.. but we're still friends. yeah, at first it was awkward, but it got better. if you decide to break up with him, maybe it'll work that way for you. well, sorry for blabbin. it was a great poem. mucho love. <333
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WOW
Babi, this was an amazing poem. Wow. The heart and emotion and pain behind it all was empowering. It was a really deep piece. I can't say whether or not you're doing what's right, because I'm not you, but if your heart isn't in it anymore, then there's no point in staying with him. It isn't fair to him if he gives you his heart but you don't return that love. So there's my advice, and again, great poem.
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wow, that was realy deep and emotional, I could tell you were being realy honest about how you feel about him, and the whole situation. I hope everything will be all right. You should check out my poem "That Boy" its about a guy who made me his everything, and I tried to do the same. Well yeah, this was realy good.
Kaitlyn
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Wow good write!
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