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The Breath of Dawn

Liquid gold squeezes through
fluttering eyelids
Sweet breath on my neck
a shower of kisses
Serene face
composes a smile,
"Good morning."

Amorphous whispers ascend
a briefly shivering spine
Dawn's soft breath in the air
promise of intimacy
Estranged hand
entwines with your fingers
"I love you."

Incandescent happiness.

Author notes

Prompt: "The Breath of Dawn"

Not that anyone cares, but parallelism between lines in the first and second stanzas.

Say what you want; I appreciate anything.

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Comments


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    July 4, 2007
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    a lovely little piece, nice job with it and thanks for entering


  • zochit2me gold member
    July 4, 2007

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    (Not that anyone cares, but parallelism between lines in the first and second stanzas.)

    What do you mean "parallelism between lines"
    Because I do care and would like to understand the beauty behind this poem...very metaphoricly rich and enticing to read.

    Please explain your notes to me
    Becky


    • Tseng Yu Nung
      July 5, 2007
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      I'm pretty surprised that somebody does care, and thank you. I just meant that the first line of the first stanza relates to the first line of the second stanza... the second line of the first stanza relates to the second line of the second stanza, etc... It's loose relations like "liquid/amorphous" "eyelids/spine," but I wanted to show some sort of parallel structure.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    July 4, 2007

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    Wow

    this is true beauty, soft and lovely wording. A promise of intimacy, pure delight.
    Well done, Buddy