They just sit there idly watching
unable to see desperation
out of control emotionally
becoming totally undone.
She was as a snowball rolling down
growing larger with each rotation
in her mind voices started out soft
rising to an intense, loud volume.
The others could not hear her panic
fear deepening with each breath that she took
heart beating vigorously deafened
still, no one put their hand out to soothe.
In a list
A contest entry
- What is your emptiness? by tara wilson.
900 points, ended July 13, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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excellent~
I read this as tho you were trying to get across battling society and no one wanted to help....then there is the other way to read this as well...very thought provoking poem you have penned here sis...I posted a new one last night come give it a look see when ya get a chance...its free verse and ya know how I am so used to rhyme
Best of luck in the contest with this one...
It's winner in my book
Luv ya
Your sis
Susan~~~
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Emptiness in other's lack of action...yes...this is really good...thank you for your entry
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Gulp! We share some of the same pages from life. Very vividly expressed. We oughta gather up our snowballed and have a snowball fight!!
Might make us feel better, and it would be fun! 
Jeannie
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Thanks Jeannie
Sounds like a good idea. lol After the first snowfall here in South Jersey, I will start making snowballs, save them in a ice chestuntill I can fly over for the snowball fight.
I always appreciate your great comments, and applause too.
Aurora 2012
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They just sit there idly watching
unable to see desperation
out of control emotionally
becoming totally undone.
These lines really spoke to me, you make the reader understand and feel for what the girl in this poem is feeling. great stuff!
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thank you
Thanks for reading, commenting and applauding. It is great to see people can feel the emotions I wrote into this poem.
I appreciate the feedback.
Aurora 2012
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This was such a powerful piece of writing and it spoke volumes to me as I was reading through it. It could be taken in a lot of different ways, yet with me being one who battles social anxiety, it makes me think of how I feel in crowds or an unfamiliar atmosphere. There's that intensity within your soul that nobody can soothe for you and you can't soothe it for yourself neither. Very powerful writing. Very impacting and moving.
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Thank you Valerie
Thank you for reading this one. I appreciate your comments, and you understand the poem well, due to your own experience with the intense feelings of anxiety.
It is strange how so many disorders do not show on the outside, but are very real for the ones who suffer from them.
Aurora 2012
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Amazing.............
She was as a snowball rolling down
growing larger with each rotation
in her mind voices started out soft
rising to an intense, loud volume.
The others could not hear her panic
fear deepening with each breath that she took
Wow my friend, this is such a great wonderful way to express how frightened it can be to hear such voices inside your head.To feel this panic, becoming totaly undone...
GOLD for me..and I hope for you too,
Good luck in this contest,
XXJeannette
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Thanks Jeannette
I am glad you enjoyed reading this poem. I always appreciate your great comments, and your positive thinking.
Aurora 2012
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wow. this is really strong. I loved the lines:
"in her mind voices started out soft
rising to an intense, loud volume"
I like how you ended it, as in a kind of surrender and sadness. Very well written! -
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Thanks so much!
Thank you for reading, applauding and commenting on this poem. I appreciate your review of the poem, and I am glad you enjoyed reading it.
Aurora 2012
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Wow!!
OMG~ this is one Powerful verse
You have penned~
Wow~
The images that come forth
Thank You for sharing this piece!
Had to inhale a few more before
slumbering
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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thank you Desire
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on this poem. I love the way you use the word inhale. lol I am glad you enjoyed reading this one.
Jeannette 
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