The Epic of Ann-Marie (revised)

Venturing down the beach one day
our mighty Ann-Marie
found some highwaymen that way
on the coasts of the crystal sea

The highwaymen were hell-bent
on robbing every passerby
and making off with Ann’s last cent
they left our queen to die

Cut and bruised and hurt and broken
with stoned-out burning eyes
the cherry in her pipe still smokin’
she awoke there, soon to rise

And following our highwaymen
our Ann drew her great axe
traveling to their thieves den
she shattered each one’s back

The sheriff, as the locals say
was in on all the fun
sent after her the D.E.A.
all ready with the gun

Our heroine both quick and bright
stashed all of her drugs
with corpses of the men of night
in the hideout of the thugs

Approaching was a throng of feds
with plans to pat her down-
a knockout blow to each one’s heads
left them in that sea to drown

On her Olympian winged horse
she quickly fled the scene
when a crop duster broke her course
intent to chase our queen

In one great act defying
Ann pulled out her longbow
effortlessly tying
a half  lit joint to her arrow

When that arrow hit the tank
a spark flew from the J
exploding, this huge chopper sank
into a field of hay

The fireball within the field
grew with a rapid haste
the farmer lost all of his yield
and from his burning house escaped

So now our great old Ann-Marie
in heroic selfless act
heard this poor old farmer’s plea
when enemies attacked

It seems that in a nearby forest
all aflame and blazed
there lived a fallen angel’s chorus
all killers, and half-crazed

They chained this poor old farmer up
to perish in the fire
and drank wine from a golden cup
flames and voices raising higher

The great and mighty Ann-Marie
broke up their singing ranks
and broke the chains so easily-
the farmer running from their flanks

And all these half-winged censors
began a battle song
known to all the dark defenders-
it’s lyrics soft yet strong

In one mighty leaping bound
Ann left one songstress dead-
before her body hit the ground
so did another’s head

Ravenously hacking
with her steel-forged axe
the opposition lacking
the speed of her attacks

The battle raged on all night long
and into the next day
the only thing keeping our Ann strong
-amphetamines and yay

Drug-crazed strength now waning
dear Ann was growing tired
every swing was straining-
intervention was required

Just as luck would have it
the farmer, running back
shot out many a bullet
to stop each vocalist’s attack

One hundred broken angels lay
dead upon the ground-
now ash stained and grey
for many miles around

Now worn beyond what she could take
Our Ann went to see Morpheous
soon sobered and sore to wake
to thirteen lines of angel dust

Now back in her fogged state of mind
upon her winged horse again
and set off, not sure what she’d find
neutral, foe, or friend

Flying south for many miles
galloping through the sky
she flashed all of the good folks smiles
as she passed them by

Faster horse and rider went
to a small half settled town
and in it’s bars much time was spent
her weariness to drown

All the men within this bar
looked strange at Ann-Marie
six of them wanted to spar
with this woman nine foot three.


Out into the alley stumbled
our Ann and six more-drunk
and out there these seven rumbled
till she dropped each and every punk

Now back atop a barstool
our Ann had overheard
rumors of a speaking fool
and interest in her stirred

He spoke of a great furious beast
down by the river’s bridge
just one mile to the east
beside the limestone ridge

This beast had bitten many a man
and swallowed many more
now empty was where folks once ran
down by the river shore

After shots of moonshine
she traveled in it’s tracks
and tapped this beast’s red flowing wine
with one blow from her axe

The beast was standing ten feet tall
with iron sharpened claws
a body built like a brick wall
and locking ivory jaws

In one more stroke she dealt his head
he fell into the clay
the heroine, thinking him dead
began to walk away

Halfway through the bar-bound trek
-this sick monstrosity
sunk his teeth into her neck
and cut her quite deeply

Now dizzy from the loss of blood
she blasted him once more
throwing him into the mud
painted with fresh gore


Now dealing him a final stroke
-one more right in the chest
and lighting up another smoke
she laid down there to rest

Well rested and invigorated
she traveled back toward the bar
with his head-decapitated
a trophy of her spar

When she entered in that place
the townsfolk gathered round
as she spoke of her skill and grace
no person made a sound

And as she finished up her tale
she raised his bleeding head
the women shrieked and children wailed
to see this creature dead

As she headed on her way
the town was drunk with jubilation
saddened that she couldn’t stay
they sent her off with celebration

Scotch was drunk and pipes were smoked
cocaine was all around
some men sang and others joked
still others passed out on the ground

Now heading off into the clouds
she traveled farther west
and flashed a grin to cheering crowds
both thankful and impressed

Landing on a mountaintop
she dismounted from her horse
and climbed right down a rocky drop
and started on her course

Just as she reached the mountain’s base
she was seized in fear
she saw the black draped reaper’s face
drawing ever near


Old grim told her it was her time
and that her soul he’d take
to end her ruthless life of crime
for all the people’s sake

He asked Ann for her last request
she said she had but one
that he’d accept her one contest
before her life was done

She challenged him to smoke some bud
from her ivory carved bowl
whoever passed out in the mud
would loose claim to her soul

Ol’ grim laughed and took the green
drawing a mighty breath
but couldn’t last to our iron-lunged queen
yes, she had beaten death

Leaving him in stoner sleep
she stumbled on her way
she knew this reaper wouldn’t reap
for many a burnt-out day

Now nearing an old opium den
where cowboys kissed the smoke
she went and stoned with all the men
then faked her death in a coughing choke

Thinking this poor woman dead
they tossed her down the hill
but landing there she quickly fled
to leave behind the bill

Deep into the night she walked
until she found the coast
On a departing ship she stalked
for she loved the sea the most

Much to our great queen’s surprise
the ship belonged to privateers
who stumbled on her at sunrise
approaching her with spears


In one quick and fluid strike
six men flew overboard
while our Ann broke another’s pike
with her large broadsword

In three hours, all on deck
surrendered to our Ann-Marie
then she traveled towards a distant speck
-a far off port city

Stepping off in this foreign land
she sought out more adventure
giving up this ship’s command
out to the wilderness to venture

Deep in a hot and humid wood
she saw an opening in the soil
where an ancient gate to hell once stood
with fountain springs so hot they boil

And looking in beneath the hole
she met the metallurgist
and for a monetary toll
he aided our protagonist

This metal-working Cyclops
made axe and chains of adamant
and gave her smoke, the quality-tops
and she began her decent

Half a mile underground
she lit up her Cyclops’ smoke
and kept on marching, inward bound
more vigilant with every toke

Several miles way deep down
she reached the entryway to hell
and knocked the dark gate-keepers ‘round
and cleaved them where they fell

And now a swarm a sentries came
with torches brandished in their grips
but she set every one aflame
by spraying whisky from her lips


Now facing ten dead sinner’s souls
our queen pulled out her axe
and filled them all with gaping holes
with swift and fast attacks

And in her great and flowing vigor
she fought every coming adversary
each one coming ever bigger
but still, our queen was wary

Till finally there stepped out
a dragon breathing flame
smoke billowing from his great snout
he called our queen by name

“Ann-Marie” the dragon spoke
“Atrocity” the queen proclaimed
taking a last hit of her smoke
with her longbow she aimed

She fired off a grey-goose shaft
that pierced right through his hide of scale
then brandishing the Cyclops’ craft
the dragon lost his tail

Now bleeding and invigorated
the dragon belched inferno
and just nearly incinerated
his axe wielding foe

But she leapt back, out of the way
then lunged forward with a sweep
and buried the axe-head in her prey
with a wound both wide and deep

Collapsed and fallen to the side
he lashed a grunting strain
as old Ann opened him up wide
and left the corpse there slain

Marching down the city streets
paved in old cracked cobblestone
she saw old Satan sitting there
upon a burning throne


Way up in a watchtower standing
there resided a hell-hound
and in an angry voice commanding
the demons gathered to surround

Our dear old queen knew she was done
-the demons had her stuck
she couldn’t hide and couldn’t run
so she pulled out her axe, and swung, and struck

In an act of blacked-out fury
ten were eviscerated
as the others tried to scurry
they found their hides aerated

All the others left in hell
broke the foreboding quiet
bodies burned and buildings fell
in a full-scale riot

Through the streets, our dear Ann dashed
slicing all that she ran by
as rocks were thrown and glass was smashed
-and hellions left to die

Running around in pure bloodlust
our Ann left thousands dead
their bones crushed finely into dust
on cobblestones of red

The fires in hell burnt hotter that day
than they ever had before
burning the bodies of each melee
on the sands of the sulfur shore

And with this ever growing heat
the ground began to pulsate
but Satan wouldn’t admit defeat
he just boiled in his hate

Still upon his throne reclined
he picked up his crossbow
and with an aim slightly declined
he fired arrow after arrow


Dodging each incoming round
our dear Ann ran to hide
inside a crater in the ground
several meters wide

Quickly making an escaping dash
she ran behind a burning mound
and lighting up a block of hash
from a fire on the ground

As she rose to run another length
he let another fly
and struck her sapping all her strength
he left her there  to die

But our old Ann just couldn’t wait
jumped right on top of Lucifer
and I must say she was doing great
but in the end he got her

Stabbed clean through in the dirt
and mistook our queen for dead
but she arose drug-crazed and barely hurt
smashing her axe-blade in his head

Enraged that our queen wouldn’t die
he wielded his trident
and let this wicked creature fly
but Ann would not relent

In one stroke the trident stopped mid flight
broke, and raining iron fragments
with Ann still ready there to fight
another thousand tridents

But Satan gave up on his plan
seeking refuge anywhere that would allow
but right behind him as he ran
Ann axed his bleeding brow

And with that axe she used to wield
cleaving at his scull
old Satan turned ‘round and revealed
two six shooters just ready for the pull


Twelve shots rang and twelve heads fell
a glorious sight to see
Satan shot up all of Hell
but missed our Ann-Marie

Turning back into the darkness
he ran from our queen
but she caught him, with a passionate kiss
seducing God of the unclean

Glistening bodies pressed together
he writhed in ecstasy
and in one single dark endeavor
he lunged on Ann-Marie

He had fallen in her trap
she mounted the King of Damned
and left him reeling with a sturdy slap
and gripped his throat with her other hand

On that day fell the Hellion’s throne
as Ann took chains of adamant
restraining Satan to the cobblestone
forever locked in a bed of cement

And that is how our Ann-Marie
defeated all of hell
returning to the surface gallantly
shouting “The dark one fell”

In celebration of her feat
they boiled bhang and filled their flasks
they laughed old Satan’s great defeat
and all the victories of Ann’s task

They lit up some great red-hair smoke
they had took some LSD
they shot up a load of coke
and snorted PCP

Then Ann took off from this drug-feast
and ran into the dark
somewhere off to the east-
just look for her cigarette’s spark


There’s no sense going after her
that one just can’t be tracked
at least not if there’s trouble to stir
or something to be attacked