It’s a weight,
a sinking feeling.
It drags you to that place
you never thought you’d go.
It leads you to those thoughts,
that were hidden
in a room,
where the door
was locked tight
and wouldn’t budge.
Across the rug,
behind the curtain,
through the window
of one's mind.
That area
that seemed
so far away
until a key was
placed in hand,
and the door
ceased to be the
barrier it once was.
And you let them wander
those thoughts,
maybe play a little.
And before you know it
you’ve stepped
past thresh hold,
cross floors,
beyond drapes
and shutters.
Where that burden,
that weight
it seems to work
to your advantage.
Hitting bottom
never feels good
but lately
I’ve had this feeling,
it’s where real freedom
has been hiding all along.
Author notes
Thoughts seem to go there even when you wouldn't.
In a list
A contest entry
- oh, to just disappear... by CarCrashHumor.
1500 points, ended August 15, 2007, 48 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
this is pretty good, but it seems to have speed bumps, it flows smooth at one point, then stops at a jit line, it's pretty good besides that.
-
wow-- I definitely loved this piece. the honesty and personable quality were great. I think the title could use some work-- even if it were changed to just the 1st line of this poem, it would be better in my opinion. it just seems to take away from the whole of it, and makes it less deep.
but it's up to you of course, since it IS your work
thanks a lot for entering! -
-
I think you're right. I wasn't in love with the title either. I've been sitting with the piece trying to come up with something. (I've never been good with titles
)
How's this one? -
-
this one is much much better!
-
-
Adding your comment:
