summer has ended
and all the gardens are gone;
how long the winter ahead,
when frozen nights never end
and you swirl upward
in my cold winter breath.
Author notes
"I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep."...
- Neruda.
Inspired by the Neruda lines above
In a list
A contest entry
- What is your emptiness? by tara wilson.
900 points, ended July 13, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
very well done here the image of the breath is wonderful so expressive...best of luck in the contest...PK
-
-
Thank you so much. I was struggling with the breath part. I'm glad you liked it.
~Lyrical
-
-
sometimes being at the edge of empty is worse than empty...because you know it's coming...that is when you know you are 'leaking' lol....anyways...emptiness here reminds me of the worst time to be empty... losing someone perhaps..."and you swirl upward "... this is the line confusing me because I am not sure if the person is coming or leaving you here?
Thank you for this very thought-provoking entry
-
-
Thanks for the wonderful comment. For me, "you swirl upward" was, "i've lost everything else and now I'm emptying myself of you too".
-
-
that was my first understanding of that line...then I was second guessing myself
thank you...
-
-
LOL, you're goooooood
-
-
LOL
-
-
-
-
-
Excellent.
-
-
Thank you
-
-
Wow. This is kind of a strange poem to read in the middle of a hot summer! It even kind of cooled me off with the way it sounds so sad and empty and cold. And it seems so contradictive for the tone of your other poem about love. I wonder how you can write two love poems in a row that have just the opposite feeling in them. I guess there's a correlation that I'm just not seeing? But this one is just as strong as the other one. So don't think that I don't like it.
-
-
Wow you have really graced my pages today Thank you. I had to giggle when I read the confusion of how I could write 2 totally different poems about love
Let me just say that the "happy" ones reflect my true heart right now. This one was simply inspired by the Neruda lines I put in my authors note. Thank you so much for your comments today and for your wonderful words of encouragement. It's always a pleasure to see you on my pages. 
~Lyrical
-
-
The title is so captivating and it immediately drew me in. I like how you've conveyed the feeling of emptiness, not a word has been wasted. The ending was my favorite though. It sort of sounded to me like it's bringing warmth to this piece. But perhaps that's why this poem is "at the edge" of emptiness and not only emptiness.
-
-
Thank you Diana. I'm glad you caught the bit of warmth at the end. At the edge only, indeed. Thank you.
-
-
I have no trouble at all putting myself as the central character in this piece. It seems as though emptiness is my closest companion at the moment. Excellent work my friend. Best wishes in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
-
-
Thank you Leo but I don't like hearing that this could be you.
Here, hope this helps ==>
-
-
How wonderful to see you writing again, my friend. I know that you love Neruda's poetry as much as I do...therefore you know how much I like this poem inspired by the quote. What a lovely, tight piece of writing, yet so filled with imagery and emotion. Loved the last two lines!! Lovely poetry.
~ Nicolette
-
-
Thanks It feels good to be writing again. Now let's see how long it lasts this time
-
-
Sighhh...Haunting & lovely, my Friend...Good luck in the contest, Sweetie... Wanda
-
-
Thanks Wanda
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
