It's always cold with your touch,
numbing to the core;
and I shudder in disbelief,
you would never hurt me.
You caress me
(make me feel);
liquidate the pain,
and I will become invincible.
This addiction dissolute;
each sip a little stronger,
and each night a little longer.
My life,
passed out upon the floor
and waking up wanting more.
Author notes
it was not my intention to rhyme at the end, it just happened... this is about my addiction to alcohol, and it is personal, don't pass judgement...
A contest entry
- Write about almost anything you want. by TheDevilInYourHead.
430 points, ended August 23, 2007, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep Dark Thoughts by FleetingImage.
330 points, ended August 11, 2007, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Want To Win a Contest? by ArmorXForXSleep.
360 points, ended July 31, 2007, 154 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
wow this poem says a lot for just that and makes you thik "why do we do this?"...good luck.
-
I refuse to pass judgement on something like this and it would be hypocritical if I did. I just got over a horrible addiction of alcohol after fighting with it for almost 3 years. This was a wonderful piece that shows the struggle of many people. Thank you for entering.
-
"And, you do caress me" -- Cut this to "you caress me".
"(no words can describe how you make me feel);" -- Cut this line in half because it sticks out like a sore thumb. Throw a line break in there or something.
This was okay; not bad, not great, but okay. -
-
thanks, and i did...=)
-
-
Wow...This is a really powerful and courageous write...and the words you use,"numbing to the core;","liquidate the pain", "and waking up wanting more."...I loved the whole poem, but these three phrases...really nail the core of this disease. Brilliant Write!! Good Luck
Wyatt xxx
Oh, you really should be careful messin' around with that rhyming stuff too, because that can quickly become a habit...that is very hard to overcome....believe me, I know!!!
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
-
This is so powerfully moving. I think it shows the struggle we all have with our own addictions. Good luck!
(P.S. I like the little rhyme at the end.)
-
i think this poem is great and it really shows how you feel about your addiction and how you recognise it. This poem hes the poem to make me feel what you feel which is really great in a poem!
-
'the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom' william blake
be brave zen
-
I'm not passing judgement because my addiction to the bottle has almost killed me on sevral different occasions, I've had alcohol poisoning like 4 different times now so I can totaly relate to this poem in a very strong and very emotional way thank you for writing this and sharing it with us here on ap wish you the best of luck .. very powerful and brilliantly penned...
-
I do enjoy this piece. Struggles like these are not unfamiliar to me. I have witnessed the ramifications of what happens to those who are addicted to alcohol, and how their lives are still affected post rehabilitation -just like the gross old man with his pants about his ankles. I just had hoped that wasn't overlooked. Life isn't pretty, and if poetry is any reflection of the condition of life, then poetry isn't either. But it is understanding that makes way for beauty, and the old man begins to shimmer. You have my apologies for the way I responded to you earlier and my condolences. Be well and keep evolving.
-
Very moving piece that adequately describes an addiction. I hope you find the strength to get through yours and come out on top.
"If you can believe it, you can achieve it."
Nicely written, poet.
-
awesome write -- Great luck in the contest!!!! This is just great Betsy
-
liquidate the pain...powerful line.... kick ass write you have... good luck in the contest...
♥
whisper
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
