I’ve sat beneath my share of empty skies,
At windows fogging with my hopeless breath,
Counting seconds, blessings, and fireflies,
Discerning differences of life and death.
And all this time I’ve made this place my own-
Small and worthless to everyone but me.
Discarded, trampled, heartbroken…I’ve grown
To learn to be alone contentedly.
But now you’ve come along and stirred the stars
And I can’t help but notice them above!
Suddenly I long for them to be ours,
Endless wishes of never-ending love.
A falling star is beautiful and rare,
But for True Love: there’s no way to prepare.
A contest entry
- That time again... sonnets! by Cwm.
400 points, ended July 6, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Great write!
Very good flow and work use.
"But now you’ve come along and stirred the stars
And I can’t help but notice them above!" - great line.
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Very lovely wording. So softly romantic and full of great images and emotion. I really can't pick a favorite line - I liked them all.
Good luck in your contest.
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This is a beautiful poem, makes me believe Shakespeare truly is overrated because what you've written here is worthy of the highest praise history itself could offer.Well done!
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True love being found can heal us in so many ways. I can so relate to your write. Excellent flow and imagery
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Excellent
I loved the rhyme scheme that went with this piece. You also had amazing imagery. I loved your simile of love and a falling star, both are rare and both are magical. Great piece! -
A good sentiment, it's amazing when it seems one person can make a difference they can, you have showed that with this great poem.
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fantastic
I am almost speechless and is a rare thing for me!! I thought this piece was breathtakingly (to coin a word) beautiful, captivating, unique in it's own right. .. very expressively written so that the store unfolds perfectly and no mistake can be made in interpretation by even a novas reader!!!!! I love poem such as this, it uses ordinary words to express extra-ordinary feelings and emotions!!!!!! I held my attention!!! Once I began reading I could not stop!!! All I can say is this is a brilliant write!!! Keep on typing fellow poet! You are great with words!!!
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I know this is WAY delayed, but thank you for the wonderful comment!
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Excellent!!!!
Loved the write, beautifull imagery and impressive rhymes, made the flow of the poem perfect!!! love these lines here as well
But now you’ve come along and stirred the stars
And I can’t help but notice them above!absolutly fantastic!!!!! thanks for the comment on my poem as well, - Jacen an IndividualEleven.
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Third line you are missing a syllable.
12th line you have an extra syllable.
Other than that and the fact that your meter seemed to switch about (most of it was beautifully in iambic!), this was well done. It's very nice to see more people writing in the sonnet form.
I think you described this feeling well and I liked that it was uplifting. The story worked well for this form and you had a good turn at the end.
I hope the same will happen to me!
Good luck in the challenge.
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I don't count the missing syllable in line three, but i did see and edit the extra one in line 12. Thank you for reading and commenting!
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the last two lines are probably my favorite, although the whole thing is good.. i love it
and "hopeless breath" i like that too.
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thank you
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