Rude hellos and shrewd goodbyes,
Long conversations and fancy ties.
Trying so hard and falling so often,
All in vain and wished to be in a coffin.
Always searching for something,
Ended up with nothing.
Love is really blind.
When we were about to meet,
Sweetest would be the apt word to describe the way you would greet.
So much disgust, so many sacrifices,
So many denials and so many vices.
Never showed what you felt, I showed what I felt,
Hitting the nail on the head, harshly this man was dealt.
A sobbing tale of love,
Ruthlessness and bitterness were the makings of your pet dove.
Thought it was you that was sent from above,
Judging by how it went, we were far from taking a bow.
Love is really blind.
I did not mind being a fool or a clown or a joker,
Although I was treated like an intruder I was far from becoming a choker.
I was falling in your ditch, you enjoyed every second,
The way I worshipped you, there was no other who could be beckoned.
All day I thought of you, every second I missed you,
Every moment I loved you, every minute I worshipped you.
You decided to end it, leaving me no choice,
I still searched for a reason although I knew that there was no spice.
Love is really blind.
It all occurred when my eyelids hurt, I did not worship you that night,
I was shocked upon knowing this, but had no fright.
You were everything I needed,
I was not the same for you and I always pleaded.
I still have no idea of the reason, the way you behaved,
I am out of your circle, the one, which to be in I had always craved.
Love is really blind.
You have now proved to me that love is blind,
You would always prove that to me, but I knew that it was all in the mind.
I knew how much you were concerned,
If you are, there should be roses and not sharp ferns.
What should I do on your happiest day?
Should I oblige after the things that you ever so often portray?
Love is really blind.
A contest entry
- Love Is Eternal by Heartsafires.
2600 points, ended July 4, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 99 of 99
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Last line of third stanza needs changing, I would use although I knew no love you voiced.Beautiful poem, love is not always true, some use it as a tool to get what they want from some one who loves them.Don't be influenced by people who use their personal voice in reviewing your work. Read their work and see for your self what the difference is. We write for our own satisfaction, yet we must make choices sometimes to please readers in order to get more reviews. We will talk about that.
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SO DEEPLY HEARTFELT!!!!
This could be what a lady who had a crush on me might have been saying to herself. All I could see was her age difference from me and I did not answer her advances. Would it have worked out right? Probably not but maybe on second thoughts I should have maybe gave my attention back to her.
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Lady
I read your reply, I like to know what other people think about the writer. I was drawn to the lady you mentioned who had a crush on you. You did the right thing
in not answering her. Some bad things happen in on line relationships, I have used poetry and story sites for years and have seen some people really get messed up.
Nosy me. WR1
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loved it.
amazing, honestly.
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Awesome!
I love this. The words are so real and powerful. I have poems on my page, saying something different yet saying the exact same thing. I could really relate to this one!
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Well Done!
Very well written. Very good imagery used in this piece with a smooth tone. I wish you well and God Bless. Lisa
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different
your poem to me isnt the style i'm used to. it looks more like a story instead of a poem...just my thoughts...
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Indeed many can relate to this one...
very well written romil...looking to see more soon by you.
ur friend,
ephiphany
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I can relate
Love really IS blind...
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Very emptional and heartbreaking this one is The hurt is so well expressed. Congrats on the hm with this one
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The hurt is expressed well here.
You put alot of rhyme and repetition in...
making it almost lyrical. Nice job. Blue
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Hey I really liked this!!
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Yip! love is really blind, but then again love is a strange thing anyway. I feel this work is a lot deeper and leaves the reader pondering and thinking...which is a good thing. The imagery and flow are both perfect. A very well thought out and interesting piece of work and once again, Excellent.
Shaz xx
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interesting
its beautiful and depressing at the same time, simply amazing.....
♥lauren
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Beautiful, you really have a way with words!
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AMAZING!!!
Love is blind, no two ways about it. You potrayed the journey for someone (hopefully not you) of going through a breakup when they thought the love was strongest and then the realization that the relationship was mostly a lie that the speakers subject wove. good good good. keep writing!
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Wow, again another beautiful poem. I love the rhymes in them all so far. This one's sad. Exellent job. Can I print this one, too?
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EXCELLENT !!
So beautifully sad. You are such a skilled writter.
Keep on inking.
God's touch
Jeri
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Wow...
There lies much truth in this exceptional piece...
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wow
I loved this. your an awesome writer.
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Tragic
I loved this poem. Flow is excellent and the power within is as if it is written with each reader in mind.
Tragic is the love we waste on our hearts desires.
Andrew
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Yes, love is quite blind...
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Ooooo
I love the topic of this write. When reading it i felt like it was being spoken directly at me.. Fab x
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Wonderful. There is an almost overload of rhyme, but the idea behind the poem and the repitition more than make up for it. And you have excellent word choice. Good job.
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i like this its really good thx for the great read
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i like the structuring of this poem,
its rhythm changes slightly which makes differences between the stanzas a little hard to read.
but its an increadibly powerful peice of writing.
thanks for sharing it!
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excellent flow good job
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This is a really great poem! It's got a continuous flow and it's basically amazing.
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i like it, i can relate to how you feel. nice job, your doing great! =]
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I think is a good poem, well written to me.
I must say i could relate & what a best way to a poem to turn out great, when the reader makes a connection.
But your 1st paragraph was a great way to start, It really attracts the reader & is good to have a good Start. -
you should watch out for how many sylables you put in each line and try to creat a pattern as this will make the poem more smooth and easy to read. i like the way you add love is really blind to the end of each verse..it is really effective here. the choice of words is great. you make the message in here really stick out. all up i love it.
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I like your choice of words. We tire of the same sayings, but you spice them up. I would suggest as many here has learned to work on your flow. If you dont understand, I mean balance the sentences with equal syllables where you can. Good luck, I see why you won, you have talent!
Rose
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really good
I really like it and i can relate i know how you feel some people just want to use people but ok nice job keep writting
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this is good
and cute!!!
lol
GREAt WRITe -
wow! it is true! nice on
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I imagine that happiest day you refer to ("what shoul I do on your happiest day?") is her wedding day...you loved her, and she did her best to destroy you and now has invited you watch as she declares for all the wold to see who she loves...and you want to be hurt, you want to be angry, but it seems that all you can be is sad and confused....love (or the aftermath of love) at its finest...congrat on the HM
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Love indeed is really blind! I cannot agree more
I like the alliteration in your poem. A lot of strong emotions in this poem. I can feel the pangs of pain you speak of, for I have also been in that place.
All the best,
Charishma
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this is good
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Awesome!!!
Very unique and well written. Glad to see you won HM for this honest piece of reality...
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sorry meant to do this the first time
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Yes I can really realte to this one and love is indeed blind
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I totally agree that love is blind cuz my ex bf broke up with me cuz he fell out of love but now he says he never broke up with me cuz he loves and didnt realize it til 2 days after we broke up. my gf on the other hand doesnt know what love is so yea.
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Wat !!!!
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this is very good and I love how you wrote this it was awesome. What a way job. I love the detail and description.
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Again ur rhyming... you should be more original like Pain, vain and all that. I still like ur poem.. and I love how it sounds like a song!
Fire Angel -
this is good. my only suggestion is to be careful with rhyming that you don't concentrate so much on making things rhyme that the flow and phrasing suffers. but i like the emotion behind it. well done.
~kat -
oh..WOW
xx
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Oh my friggin gosh...this is completely amazing...you just summed up a horrible relationship I went through and my feelings over the four years of it...all in one poem...Oh jeez. I know it's not much of a review but thank you! Because I believe...that in a way...it helps end it by knowing it's summed up... Great write
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pretty good man. I know how you feel XD
-Angel- -
Wow, this is the first poem in my entire life that has ever made me feel like crap. seriously though, that is a good thing, you really know how to pull the inner strings of a person. just woah man.. love is really blind indeed i agree with you. Great write... amazing write, i am adding this to my favorites if you don't mind... keep it up dear amo!!
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Interesting
I love the opening of this poem;
"Rude hellos and shrewd goodbyes,
Long conversations and fancy ties."
Good use of examples, original and yet something we as the audience can relate to; the poem, it seems, is built up with these common occurances which layer up the text to make it more substantial and, most importantly, believeable. Making a poem seem genuine is one of the greatest talents there is, so keep it up and you'll be a great writer!
On the other hand, the line in particular:
"All in vain and wished to be in a coffin"
Seems, and I know it's out of the context, a bit forced; a bit of childish narrative; the impulse to fill out the poem with almost obsessive phrases; but, all in all, I think the poem is good-and perhaps with some work- it could be a truly great poem.
Thanks for giving me the idea of reading through this and good luck for the future,
blackburn
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Love is blind...so true and so wrong...its weird
Anyways this is really organized/strucure but still had enough emotion to pull in the reader.
You have alot of skill when it comes to rhyming without making it seem forced...something very hard for some writers[sometimes me]
Well just keep writing and hope to see more writes
Laters
Bloved
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wow very talented little guy aint ya, come say hello sometime.
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Trying so hard and falling so often,
All in vain and wished to be in a coffin
Great lines. I actually like your poetry. It's very descriptive and simple. Bravo!
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everyone has to learn it sometime or another.
nice write.<3
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LOVE IS DEFINATELY BLIND!
I think in the end we all learn the hard way. Great write....
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this is vwry good i liked this a-lot
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Awesome
wow that was good. i like the whole theme of love is really blind. i am in love with someone who is in love with me but yet she is not by me.she is seeing some guy and well i know that love is really blind.
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Very nice concept maybe a path that is a little too well trodden but well written showing a considerable amount of skill. Your poetry is very different to mine but I think that you are a veeeerrrrrrryyyy good writer and should continue to post poetry, if it's anything like this you'll get even more happy clappie chappie's. Well done keep up the good work
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This is amazing..
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Good job. I like this poem. Love is blind, isn't it?
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Love is blind or are we? mm good question... I am not in love now but would love to be, looking for that someone special to love and be loved!!! great poem and tho I have eyes I am blind!
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i actually started crying when i read this. this was AMAZING. great job
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It felt very organized, good, but a little ummmm hard to read at certain points. I loved the concept tho ^.^
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Very nice poem. It is the truth love is really blind. You have a very good talent for rhyming. Keep it up! I really enjoyed stanzas one, three and four. And I really loved the part in stanza two "Hitting the nail on the head,..." to "...we were far from taking a bow."
Keep writing, you are very very good at it.
XOXOXO KAT -
I have never experienced that. I can tell that this did/would hurt alot. I do know the feeling of love being blind. I really like the rhyme. For some reason i found this a combination of free verse and rhyme. I am not sure how I got that idea, but I really like it.
Good job and keep it up!
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It was a bit long, but I'm glad that I read it all. The honorable mention was very well deserved with this poem. There was alot of heartfelt emotions in it and it flowed well and quite smoothly. I liked how you kept repeating the same line after every paragraph. It added something to the poem, I don't know what exactly, but it made the poem alot better to me.
I try to avoid love at all cost, I don't want anything to do with it because I've seen so many of my friends been hurt by it and when I read poems like this is just makes me what to avoid love even more.
This was a really fantastic poem and I really think that the honourable mention was very very well deserved. You have a talent, use it!
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Very nicely done, lots of heartfelt emotion here and love the way it flows. Look forward to reading more.
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I love the rhyme in this ~ and congrats on the HM. Well-deserved indeed. I have to say, welcome to AP "good poets" line!!
Luv,
Candy
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The hardest thing about love isn't that we love, but finding it unrequited and hollow. There is a quote, "Love isn't love until its given away." Maybe with no expectations, but boy, one can sure take it on the chin!
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nice one!!!
a little long for my liking but definitely super super good!!
haha your rhymes are good too
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Ouch
The ending of a relationship is seldom pleasant and never does one go away without it having touched in some way. But our grief is simply that - our own, and we move through it alone.
An emotional penning. Beautiful. ~Pamela
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I liked the refrain, and the rhyme scheme. I always admire those who can rhyme without making their poem sound forced. Love really IS blind.
Congrats on clinching an honorable mention. A nice, shiny trophy for your home page.
Welcome to AP!
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Once again I love the repetition of Love is really blind. Usually rhyming is weird and awkward, but this one is naturall and flows well. This one really makes you step back and think. Love really is really blind (that came out wrong) Anyways, Great write!
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Another great write! I really do enjoy reading your work! I hope you post more soon! I'll be looking forward to reading more in the future!
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Very well Expressed!
You have expressed yourself very well here...its so emotional and from the heart...you portray a great image here and we all go through this at some
point in our lives...Hazel
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wow this is so emotional and wonderfully expressive,you have done a great job. I understand the point you focus on. I wrote one name hello and goodbye.
This poem you wrote here is wonderfully descripive,deep write and very heart felt love is sometimes truly blind we see only what we want to see.
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Quoting you....
'I did not mind being a fool or a clown or a joker,
Although I was treated like an intruder I was far from becoming a choker.
I was falling in your ditch, you enjoyed every second,
The way I worshipped you, there was no other who could be beckoned.
All day I thought of you, every second I missed you,
Every moment I loved you, every minute I worshipped you.
You decided to end it, leaving me no choice,
I still searched for a reason although I knew that there was no spice.
Love is really blind'......that says alot about the hurt I've went through too...thank you for the read/write as always... -
Nice work!!!
Really Nice work!
Very good diction... I love the flow.... you have maintained good rhythm through out....
The tone works for me... Controlled rhyming, it can be made smoother than how does it sound now... do you mind getting back to your poem once again....
Keep writing..
Kiddy
lols
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Another excellent write! I enjoyed reading this one because I can relate. Love can really be blind, at first we think everything is going good and fine, but only for our hearts to be broken or feelings hurt in the end. Really good flow to your poem, keep writing!
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I think the rhythm is very good...it's easy to read, yet has some nice little changes in it, making it surprising at every stanza.
I would drop some of the cliches...'hitting the nail on the head' is very overused, if I wanted to use it, I'd try and make it different somehow. I have no problem with cliche, because after all, it's what 1st springs to mind, but most people don't think properly when they read them, so you have to put them amongst unusual imagery
'eyelids hurt' is brilliant
I like your rhyme scheme, and your narrative flows well.
Thanks for the read, and I hope to see more! cheers -
"Should I oblige after the things that you ever so often portray?
Love is really blind."
I loved those lines, and the way you make a conclusion at the end. Makes the poem so strong. The wording and flow is very good in this, but at times the flow kind of gets a bit messed up. You get out of very good though, so it's okay.
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This is a very nice poem! Although at some points I think it flowed kind of awkwardly, the aim and the formation were very good! I loved how you ended all the stanzas with "love is blind." It was very consistent and made the line stand out. Great write!
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And yet another great write. This is such a deep poem.
Great write. ^_^
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Wow I so agree with that. Love really is blind, great write!
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wriiten with conviction .we all share the sentiment at different times..yes we all think love is blind..peter
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wow, this is really good for a first poem. lost of emotion and imagery. i think everyone else that has commented has covered about all the bases with you as far as any constructive critique.
the only other suggestion i have is to stick to one time frame...first stanza...trying...searching...ended...i think endded should be ending....you need to stick to one tense
other than that, great job and welcome to AP be well and be blessed
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Once again, another beautiful poem. The rhyming was perfect; not forced, which allowed the poem to flow nicely. Lots of emotion and description. Pretty good for a first poem!
Kat
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Great first poem, I like that a lot! I'm not much for rhyming poems though but you carried strong!! very nice.
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Awesome....
Romi:
This is certainly a good piece, and an enjoyable read.
Imagery, thought provoking, and oh, so truthful!
Thanks for sharing with me and all of us here on this site.....
Be blessed with love and light always.....
Your friend in pen,
AngelicMistress...Tanya
PS
If you were gone and returned, I welcome you back home.....
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This is really good. Watch the amount of syllables that you use when you're working with rhyme. If you can match the amount of syllables up in each line of rhyme then it will flow better. Love the honesty and the heart-felt emotion. Great use of words. Keep it up!
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Well said Amanda1, I totally agree with your comments on rhyme. Although the piece has a fantastically sad story to it, I found it a touch forced in some lines.
Romil z, Try adjusting the tempo while you are reading it back, and see what lines can be shortened, This has the making of a masterpiece, and as the beautiful Tanya said, a very thought provoking and truthful write. well done.
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this is a wonderful poem with alot of emotions. definately going to keep an eye on you =] take care
Jasmine -
wow i know this feeling all too well. i love the poem. it flowed nicely and it just turned out very great. great job. i would try to put this in a contest and see what people think. it is really good. great work.
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humm pretty good for your first...
there was some forced rhyming but its no big deal
jus keep writing and reading poetry and you'll get hte hang out it...
good job keep it up
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Love the same as beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, not always shared yet roses do have thrones Very nice indeed Thanks for sharing and welcome to AP it's lots of fun...
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this is a beautiful poem with alot of emotion and vivid imagery ... there are no rules to how long a poem must be or must not be for it is what comes from within your heart that counts!! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your wonderful writes!
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kind of long but it is a lovely poem. some of the lines are longer than their rhyming line but all in all it was a beautiful poem
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long but this is rally cool. u r talented! I reallt like this one but... what does 'It all occurred when my eyelids hurt, I did not worship you that night,' mean?
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