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Masquerade

stiff pride balloons incessant night
rising whiskey shot reality,
dependence scopes fragments of pain,
characters swap chasing easy.

passages search the obvious

as reverence shakes ballroom lure,
strangers masquerade as confidants.

dance stalls emptying currency's
indulgence playing identity.

soul fidgets fearing perdition.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • coffeeangel316
    July 17, 2007

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    I like the way you write. it is deep and powerful often makes me stop and think about what I just read. I like the in depth poetry. great job hun

  • tara wilson gold member
    July 10, 2007

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    This is a dark emptiness, and written very well, I was looking for with this contest..beautiful imagery of emptiness...if you are wondering why it is not in the finals, Alice...thank you so much for this entry...
    "passages search the obvious

    as reverence shakes ballroom lure,
    strangers masquerade as confidants."
    I love that...thank you


  • Barely Breathing gold member
    July 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really great. I love the wording you use. Its so different to the norm. "strangers masquerade as confidants.". Really catchy line.


  • Melodies
    July 6, 2007

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    One of your best!

    I like every line... admiring greatly... and the line about strangers is especially true, isn't it? A poem that pulls the reader along and puts her right at the scene. Really fine emotion and images.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    July 4, 2007

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    gasp!

    Oh my this is more than empty...it is desolate.

    "soul fidgets fearing perdition". I CRIED.
    Truly a wonderful poem. Simply brilliant!

    ~Pamela


  • 2lullabyhaven
    July 4, 2007

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    Wow, this is great, Iggy. The clever way it utilizes the chosen wordage. Makes this piece stand out. The message is inescapable but well focused. lol


  • individuality gold member
    July 4, 2007
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    I think we are all surrounded by strangers, do we ever truly know another soul? At times the emptiness within and what swirls without reminds us of this. Alcoholic escape is a temptation but it never fills the void, it just throws us deeper into the insanity of being alive. A good poem.


  • Kiran silver member
    July 4, 2007

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    Brilliant. This is so emotive and there are some really stunning lines in this piece. Wonderfully written and all the best in this contest!


  • RedAquarius
    July 3, 2007

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    Becky stole my line - the one that jumped out at me was "strangers masquerade as confidantes" - so true, so true. Excellent work


  • Whoochi gold member
    July 3, 2007

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    Dam, you just blow me away each time...this one gave me goosebumps and that all too familiar black void and dark black abyss once called loneliness, even if we try to pretend and where a different mask, we know inside...well done once again, my alliteration, word-play wonder! Good luck in the contest!


  • zochit2me gold member
    July 3, 2007

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    Another soulful write from the latin lover of my blue eyes...I love this line...really POPS for me

    strangers masquerade as confidants.

    Fantastic write!!!!

    Best of luck
    Becky


  • autumns rising
    July 3, 2007

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    another awesome poem by you. Its almost unneccesary for me to comment ur poems because all my comments turn out the same!


  • cheaphotelsign
    July 3, 2007

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    wow. this is awesome! once again you present enthralling images. i like the "countdown" of the line numbers. the last line is completely flawless!! excellent!!!


  • Blueskywonder
    July 3, 2007
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    Read it again man
    (((FREAKY DEAKY)))

  • Blueskywonder
    July 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a detailed piece full of depth,
    painting a vivid picture of your emptiness
    and the last line pulls it all together sweet.
    Excellent raw honest emotion. Thanks for sharing.

1 - 15 of 15