Lying in my bed one night
With the help of the candlelight
I help write this song for you
I know that there's something between us
Like we're connected with soulstring
That has entwigned us together
You're my love, in this world
You're my mate, in this life
You mean everything to me, that's right
You shine like diamonds in the night
You're my friend, that's true
You're my light, that too
You mean everything to me, that's right
You shine like diamonds in the night
I hope that you really love me
And you'll read this to yourself tonight
Happy tears streaming down your face
And if you wanna be truly with me
Truly with me forever
Then will you please marry me 'cause
You're my love, in this world
You're my mate, in this life
You mean everything to me, that's right
You shine like diamonds in the night
You're my friend, that's true
You're my light, that too
You mean everything to me, that's right
You shine like diamonds in the night
Will you please marry me?
Author notes
Hope that isn't too long and it doesn't bore you. Any and all criticism is welcome! This is a soul/pop type track.
A contest entry
- Titles.. Titles and Did I Mention TITLES???!!! by NooNiThEWitcH.
405 points, ended July 26, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Songs, Songs and more Songs by Dark Soul Reaper.
360 points, ended October 25, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Omg, this was amazing! This is the kind of proposal that would melt anyones heart. You did a wonderful job and good luck in the contests.
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oh my goodness how sweet is this? wow!!!
you're such a romantic at heart!!
what a lucky girl to have this sweet song written just for her.
It is very precious my friend!!
GBY
SilverButterfly -
amen..this is a prayer of the heart..and God may answer it as early as possible..this is what my wish is..well done...
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nice one with a rhythm and continuity.good poem and also as a song its best.
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WOW
Wow i really like that one. It's deep. -
I like this. It's simple but very to the point and it has the essence of a good song. Keep up the good work and keep pennin.
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I think this is the most romantic way of asking someone to marry you. It made me think fo when my ex-husband asked me to marry him...all of our friends and family knew (but me) and he did it on Christmas Eve night and I can so picture this song being played silently in the air when he got down on one knee. You have penned such wonderful words of love that will make the girl you finally choose to ask to marry you smile and cry with such happiness and joy.
midnight lace -
The flow and rhythm of this piece go so well with what you have say that the entire poem just seems to mesh well. Even the title seems quite fitting. Nice job! Thank you for sharing this with us at Allpoetry.
♥ Touchof1der -
I loved it! It made me think of my boyfriend and how I continue to ask the same things that you ask in this poem. Absolutely wonderful. A truly beautiful feeling that you've chosen to write about. I absolutely love it... Simply amazing... Keep up the good work
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flawless
I love the form you chose to use, i belive it very well could make incredible lyrics, with the one stanza that you repeated being the chorus, this is amazing, keep up the good work! -
Wow, I hope that you get what you want! You did good with it, and the only thing is that you used a lot of you and you're in it..maybe find a way to knock a couple of those out then again could take away the feel of the poem. Anyway, well done
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Wow such a great poem, I am really liking what you did here. Great flow, and most of the lines are really great! There were some moments that could have been better, but overall, this was a great poem, and you are a really great writer! I will have to check out some of your other works, and you keep on writing!
Keep up the great work!
~Thomas -
This is a wonderful lyric I could hear a beat to it while reading, like a beautiful ballad playing with softness... wonderful
karen -
I liked it
It's an overall good poem, and the lyrical quality fits the content very well. However, some of the rhyming is rather simplistic ie "You're my friend, that's true/ you're my light, that too". It is very sweet though, and the repeated lines underscore the message effectively. The use of simile is appropriate, if ever so slightly cliche. As I said before though, it is a good poem, and obviously very sincere. -
very heart felt, i could feel love and emotion, when i read this made me feel all worm and fuzzy. the one you love, you must really love to wright something like this. alll the lines fit perfect, it doesn't have a jerky beet to it witch i like.
LOVE ENGRA
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I really liked this piece...i thought that it was written well and the flow was good and the title was really eye-catching
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I am glad I found this piece. A really endearing poem which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Excellent writing :-)
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Such a sweet, romantic proposal. Perfect to scroll or place in a card for the two of you to keep after the candles, sweet music, meal, wine......have long gone. I do hope the lucky lady accepts your hand. Kindest wishes and good luck.
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No, not boring. Very sweet and heartfelt. Well done job of putting your feelings into such beautiful words! thanks for sharing w/ AP
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Wonder if this could be sung to a tune, some musical piece? Wonderful thoughts shared in these lines - easy to read and understand - lovely way to ask someone to marry you - even if it was only for a contest.
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Lovely
Well, when I first looked at it, I though "That's 34 lines! I wonder how long do 50 lines look!" lol But when I read it I found that it had bits of rhyme and had a very easy and enjoyable flow. It is lyrical and musical "which shortens the poem" lol and I can feel the emotion in it. (I have a couple of poems in which I ask my love to marry me lol)
So did he read it??
Thank you so much for writing this for my contest and I hope you enter again. Keep on writing and good luck.
Nooni
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Thanks for the great comment! I'm actually a guy so it's more a 'So did she read it?' but it's good that it can be taken from any perspective. I'm actually still a bit too young to get married at the mo but I'll definetly keep the poem in a drawer! lol, thanks!
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