Sweltering in this black hole
Distinct lack of air
Freedom flew beyond here
Let me drift unnervingly
Chaos of the consciousness
Epic drama
Absent the hero
Enter the victim
Let the monster feast
On inner entrails
Allow the poison
To saturate the mind
Envision the light
Drifting yonder
Helplessly calling
Aware of it
Losing it
Or….
Scream out in denial
Of the torturers right
To blaspheme my body
Rage against the parasite
Erupt into rage
Explode in power
Stake my claim
On I in I….
Author notes
c2 "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." -Albert Einstein
Battling intrusive illness.
A contest entry
- Weird Options Contest by Kimojuno.
456 points, ended July 12, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any comment will be appreciated
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
-
I have been here in this place fighting something to reclaim the I in I... well written what a fine piece you have written here well done
Karen
-
Here Here! well said. Powerful words from one who is wise enough to write them. Weakness in character eats at ones ability to escape the damage and insecurity that quitting brings. Power to the strong person who has the guts to say get lost to things that can damage them. *HUG*
-
Great power in this poem. It was incredibly vivid. I could feel your every word like a blade.
-
awesome quote, content, everything
way good!
this reminded me of victor frankl
and his idea that the one thing his torturers could never take from him was his reaction to what they were dishing out
well said!
-
sadly
Depression, Booze, drugs. They all tend to torure the body and mind. This is a powerful write that could pertain to one or all of those three. Sadly, it seems , at times we just lose all desires
-
-
well done poem.
-
Very distinct, and yet very powerful. A wonderful thing about this write is the diversity to which many people can relate. Substance abuse, mental instability, even natural illness can find something here that relates to them. I personally have a natural illness known as Celiac disease... it's painful, and very emotional because you have to change your life - but you either accept it, deny it, or settle into the long haul with pride and dignity.
Wonderful write, powerful and lasting. -
wow.. i'm speechless. It's very beautifully written and i can relate to it. I loved it. =) Great write.
-
Excellent this piece is totally awesome
-
Amazing Imagery
Excellent poem. All the right elements to create a dark, very depressing atmosphere.
Two thumbs up.
-
FransB
Well written - keeps one reading it again and again. There is power in acknowledgement - your poem indicates this also.
-
I just wanted to add some applause xx
-
I just wanted to add some applause xx
-
An Excellent Poem !!
I thought the imagery that you brought forward with your words was amazing.There is so much pain in your words,yet they hold a quiet dignity and beauty.A poem to read again and again.Excellent xx -
An Excellent Poem !!
I thought the imagery that you brought forward with your words was amazing.There is so much pain in your words,yet they hold a quiet dignity and beauty.A poem to read again and again.Excellent xx -
Scary Nightmare
Your words convey a powerful pull to the Inevitable. This is really, really good.The mind is always stronger than the body for the body is weak. Keep your mind in tune.
Andrew
-
These lines flow with ease and the truth the imagery is grand a wonderful write for all to take a dip into addiction a grandstand of writing I found this in the spotlight
-
-
This poem isn't about addiction but candida (yeast overgrowth and mercury poisoning from amalgam fillings) yet it could easily be about addictions. You're being control by something you have to fight. Thanks for your comment.
-
-
Excellent poem, deep and solid at the same time.
I hope you win the contest.
-
Okay, please correct me if I am wrong, but are you saying you're being tortured? And if so is this by yourself? As in a mental and emotional torture, finding yourself losing yourself and no longer being the hero, but rather the victim of a monster who is feasting on you? Okay, I am not trying to copy word for word here, but I mean as in you are finding your mind no longer exist and begin to take the form of someone else, you know? I hope I'm not TOO far off the ball here, but you said you're aware of it, so it makes me believe you're doing it to yourself in a way. Anyway, just a guess here.
-
Whew...a dip in the dark pool
This was well composed and thought provoking! You did a splendid job weaving your lines and drawing us in, awesome work ~Tia
-
i meant raging..sorry
-
excellent
you easily drag us into the darker side aslan..always a battle gaging forus to read ..well done .peter
-
When I read this, I felt that I should give up all the faux 'pleasures' - viz baccy booze and spicy foodz - but then, I thought, life's too short to so deny myself.. dial tone.... "hello Hot Spot?" "Send me a vegetable thali, and don't spare the vegetables....."........ "Hello, Mrs Maam, and your address is...?"
-
-
Moderations good. I only got this ill because I'm a grotesque glutton when I like anything! lol
-
-
"Erupt into rage
Explode in power
Stake my claim
On I in I…."
You're either the strangest lady or the most helpful. I'd guess a little from column A and a lot from column B. No joke I've been up for only an hour and I already feel ok considering yesterday I was literally at the edge of the cliff.
As for the poem, yeah the structure is good and the flow is perfect but the content speaks to me more than most poem content can.
I'd love to study how your individual brain works.
Bandaid.
Best of luck in this contest!
-
-
How my brain works whoa! You could take a trip inside it if you like but be prepared for anthing and all things! lol
-
-
Good response to C2. What about the whole 'mother' quote? Is that not scary? Who is 'The Crow'? xx chills
-
-
'God's name is mother to every child.' Brandan Lee 'The Crow'
This is the quote from the film and I have it on my page. It's my favourite film and Brandan is saying it to a drug addict mother who's neglecting her little girl. I'll get you the link for it.
-
-
I'm going to post a comment on this before I check out the contest in which it's entered. This scared me and had resonance in my 'cupboard under the stairs' (my head) where I go when I need to escape from someone else's troubles. OK, now, I'll go and see what the contest wanted!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 31 of 31
