You are steadily trying to down me down.
Everything I do just isn't good enough for you.
I'm trying to break the cycle and you have no fucking clue.
I scream, beg, reason,
What else is there to do?
Put up with way too much for way too long.
Can't you see, we don't even get along?
Oblivious to the pain you cause
Talking isn't going to fix it all.
I'm breaking the cycle, and yes dumb ass that means you.
Excuses and broken promises,
Heard that shit so much I could puke.
The tears don't faze me,
You successfully had me fooled.
I now know you're just an adolescent,
I'm already out of school.
Breaking the cycle to better myself.
Once again I set my heart back on the shelf.
Sick of allowing people to damage my soul.
Tired of giving other's all the control.
Want to be my own person from here on out.
Please stop asking me what I am talking about!!
My words fall on deaf ears.
Just hear we have reached our end.
I'm trying to figure out where I begin.
Your jealousy is dangerous,
A risk I can not take.
Breaking the cycle.
Removing all the hate.
Me, I choose not to self- destruct.
Being true to me and livin' honestly.
Not trying to be your shitty ass masterpiece.
Not made of clay, you can't mold me.
Where was your heart this whole fucking time?
Stuck in the past?
Convinced it wouldn't last?
Never thought this shit would happen,
That I would see past your mask?
Now you're alone, crying to your friends.
Asking them for advice to get you back in.
Never will I let a man break my spirit.
Breaking the cycle, finding peace within it.
Taking myself back to where it all began.
Ready to find me a REAL MAN.
Learning from the past to better my future.
Taking this shit one day at a time.
Praying to God,
Assured that He keeps me safe.
And only He is in charge of my fate.
I've put myself into other's hands only to be slapped in the face.
Determined to be the first to break this cycle.
Ready to step up and take my place.
If you still don't get it you never will.
From here on out, it's all uphill.
Time for change, ready to begin a new day.
I only want to break this fucking cycle.
All in my own way.
Author notes
Unstoppable
A contest entry
- Life Sucks (rounds contest) by SoftlyScreaming.
600 points, ended July 12, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUND 1 Contest ~ Anything goes ~ Points in final round 1950! by Florida Sunshine.
525 points, ended July 20, 2007, 48 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites and fresh writes.. opposite views! FUN!! by Angierie.
770 points, ended August 23, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Need New Favourites by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended April 10, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very strong and emotional, I like this piece. You are right you should break free from this treatment, whoever treats someone like that deserves to be punished anyway!
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Firstly, congratulations on the two HMs you won with this. Now, my opinion is that in places the rhyme seems forced. Example:
"I now know you're just an adolescent,
I'm already out of school.
Breaking the cycle to better myself.
Once again I set my heart back on the shelf."
Also in some places the lines need to be broken up so it flows properly. Turning end line rhyme into internal rhyme by doing this also sometimes makes the poem stronger.
"Praying to God,
Assured that He keeps me safe.
And only He is in charge of my fate.
I've put myself into other's hands only to be slapped in the face."
You should break up the last line to help the flow.
Hope you understand me removing this, and good luck in the other contests you are entered in.
Chelsea
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you should use more imagery.
but this is very good.
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BRAVO! I liked all the words you said~ and how you said it~ made the write very powerful! Thanks for entering my round contest~ good luck to you!
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wow the power and rage in this piece. it is always hard to "break the cycle", and a lot of people-including myself- dont seem to have the strength and courage to do it. but still there are people like you who can. You have put so many parts in here that reach true to a lot its awesome. Thanks for sharing and keep the muse flowing.
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good poem
i like and share the feelings expressed in this poem pleasure to have you in the group -
i'll tell you this much, it was really long, and dont get me wrong i like long poems, its just this was a little over the top.. i mean, i did like it, it had a meaning to it, although i didnt get some of the first part in the poem, it was still really good.. and your points were some of the highest, so thats pretty good.. you wouldve gotten highest if you had put what this poem means to you.. but thats okay.. great write overall though
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I don't think it's a rant. i think it's just a strong-worded poem about a very emotional subject. It was really great I tink, keep up the good work!!
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A little too rant-like for me. I think a lot of people make the mistake of venting on paper when they're angry and calling it poetry. I'm not attacking you here or judging you as a poet, but the simple conversational wording, and the simplistic rhyme scheme as well make it sound either like a letter in prose form, or a pop song with no chorus. If I could make a suggestion, perhaps if you do more "showing" instead of "telling" it would come out better. Poetry that just "tells" can be a little boring because it's generally just hearing someone rave about their personal opinion. But if you try and SHOW how you feel, you let readers make their own conclusions and if you're really good at showing they'll probably end up sympathizing with whatever you were aiming at in the first place. Anyways, I hope this isn't seen as an attack as I know people get sensitive about their poetry, that's just my suggestion.
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Thank you so much for the feedback. That was actually towards someone. I dont want to change it but I dont plan on writing anymore life it. THanks.
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