People think that Basra is an interesting sand filled city of antiquity
Full of café deals, women dressed head to toe avoiding skin cancer
And mosques where five times a day a gentle populace is called to prayer
By a voice through the PA sounding as if testicles are being squeezed-
But there is another side to Basra, a darker side, I know, I’ve been there.
I was wandering happily around the historic venue with my mute sister, Zelda
Listening to the gentle chatter of some local Basrians
And “I could go a fookin’ beer” by some not so local British soldiers.
Taking a few photos for an upcoming slide night of captivation
For some stay at home relatives who are still alive
And live vicariously through my travels,
Our guide Muhammad ibn Sirin, a smallish man
No legs, one arm, a slight scar on his good side, in a constant dream
Who despite the recent carpet bombings
Appeared to have more brothers, uncles and cousins than myself,
Took us to a place of, what he described as, “great fascination.”
It was there where we were set upon by a herd of rabid camels.
I was buggered senseless and can’t even describe Zelda’s treatment.
That lead camel was hung like a donkey
And Zelda should know how they are hung
Being recently rescued from the pornography industry.
But where donkeys are tender creatures, mad Basrian camels are animals.
Despite huge flat feet those rabid beasts defiled Zelda and myself in unspeakable ways.
I couldn’t walk for a week and poor quiet Zelda was nearly humped to death.
She clung to life for a few days, in a delirium, screaming not to be fingered yet again
but she eventually died when the fly blown wing of her hospital
was mercifully struck by a US smart bomb.
Dear God, I won’t be revisiting Basra any day soon.
Author notes
Needless to say this is dedicated to writing of Barry Hodges
http://allpoetry.com/Barry%20Hodges
and in special memory of his diminishing family, deceased wives and shrinking circle of friends. Quite frankly you would rather go travelling with Typhoid Mary than Barry as he is very obviously cursed.
I just love his stories of misadventure
In a list
A contest entry
- Parody by Edna Sweetlove.
500 points, ended July 5, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
marvelous!
-
Wonderful story. Edna and Barry should mate and honeymoon with the camels.
-
Oh my goodness! I have just read two of Barry's stories today in the featured and was enjoying them. Then I read this and thought that you did a great job of writing in that style!
I thought it was funny but in a kind of sick way that you just can't help but read to see what's going to happen next. Very entertaining.
-
I found this to be an excellent poem. God moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform. And nowhere is he more mysterious than in I-rake.
-
A marvellous parody!
I am seriously impressed by this. I actually laughed out loud. You have caught the matter-of-fact (yet caring) Hodges writing style perfectly with one very slight exception: I don't think he would have used a direct quote such as "Don't finger me!" (especially with an exclamation mark). Since he strives for objectivity at all times (or so it appears to me). I feel he would have favoured a line like...
"She clung to life for a few days, in a delirium, screaming not to be fingered yet again"
But that is a minor quibble. This is a poem Barry Hodges wishes he had written. I know, I was there, I heard him say it in that soft Norhumberland burr of his which has captivated so many ladies' hearts and groins, and which has encouraged so many of his unfortunate relatives to accompany him on his fatal touristic adventures.
I am tempted to close the contest here and now and give you the gold, but there are other prizes to consider. BTW: this contest allows multiple entries, so do you wish to try for a clean sweep of the three prizes?
-
well, i dont know .. i am such a naieve ! .. i was with you on your travels (marvelling at the crafting of language and writing and imagery, enjoying the jaunt) ... i stumbled at the mute sister and got highly suspicious at the guide ... then fell in a hole
... no matter the angle, or where i went with it - there is crafting ... and i loved it all ... most enjoyable >>> gina -
I'll comment when I finish the best laugh I've had in weeks. You have such a flair for the ludicrously hilarious. Have you ever considered a vocation in stand up comedy? Best of luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
ps. I pity poor Edna almost as much as I do Zelda.
-
-
A Plea!
Please consider entering my other current contest ("Write me a poem I would be proud of") as most of the entries there to date are total poop and I am in despair about what to do with the cups and points. -
-
Shut it Edna. You know my participation was literary fucking genius. Let's fuck.
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
