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Pity Party

Silence

echoed through

his ear drums
loneliness and pity 
were his only companions.


Thoughts of nothing
ran helter skelter

through his head,
as he sat alone
waiting


Waiting

for the phone to ring.


waiting


Waiting patiently

for someone,
anyone

to call,


some friendly voice
wanting to make contact
he waited


as the booming

tick-tock of the clock
echoed
round the cobweb littered walls
of his dingy room
finally invading
the darkened shadows

of his mind


He waited

 

patiently


for that knock

on the door,


waiting

for the invitation
for some company,
just so he could say 


'No thanks, not tonight'.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

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Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    November 9, 2008

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    I love how you made the emotion so real in this Ann. I know I've had a few pity parties in my time.It can be a dark place to be. You built the emotion in this wonderfully and I have to admit that ending hit hard.
    Thank you for sharing
    Gaylene

  • The Rainbows Mind
    September 26, 2008

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    Aah, yes, I really enjoyed this peace

    The only party that never ends, and that never could be obstructed by authority figures. The pity party, is such an irony.
    You cannot get help if you do not seek it. No one will come around, if you push them away. Yet trapped in Club Illusion, drinking the tonic of hopelessness, one is so drunk that they cannot see, the logical conclusions needing to be drawn.
    I'll admit, I was once like this myself, but decided to be my own police officer and arrest my demons, and I said those 2 vital and valuable words. "Party's over."
    This week is something I guess I could constitute as my defining moment.
    Good poem, keep it up.


  • DennisP1
    September 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Aww the great "woe is me", the harbinger of toil and trouble.. God I hate depressed people like that... They bring everybody down. Yet we never know exactly what it is that brings them to this sorry state. Though mine, written on this subject, I give a hint..
    http://allpoetry.com/poem/813946 (The Paper)

    I enjoyed the read

    Dennis


  • wizzard72
    September 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    that was great


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    January 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You can feel the loneliness in this piece. Its sad how many of us have actually lived this moment, I know I have in the past. And at times I think we all should at least once just to appreciate those around us. Great one!


  • Celticmoon
    January 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I never realized how much depression can affect someone's daily life until I found myself there. I can so relate to this and it is a sad feel to live with.

    Keep it forever flowing!
    Blessings
    Bel


  • Ellis gold member
    December 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    He is a sad case!

    I have been that depressed before in my life, BUT NOT ANYMORE! Allpoetry has made a big difference. I have problems, but this draws me out of them.
    --------


  • Deathletter
    November 18, 2007
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    Wonderful piece!

    Really liked this! Made me chuckle


  • Cari Cullen
    November 8, 2007
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    wow thanks is this British style poetry? Its really good i like it

  • womania
    November 2, 2007
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    How true! The bitter need to cut off one's nose to spite one's face!!


  • suseann
    September 25, 2007
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    Cliffhanger ending. That ego thing leaves us wanton for things we may not want.But insist on being offered just the same.


  • Lyndon gold member
    September 11, 2007

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    Introverts make for Idiocy!

    This is a happy poem because one smiles. I am not sure whether this is female or male behaviour. What the heck! We are all people. I like your title. Ron.


  • Blankscreen2222
    September 4, 2007
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    Had to laugh at the ending of this one.
    Such a bittersweet write you have penned here.
    Enjoyable.


  • mungbean
    September 4, 2007
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    this makes me laugh only becasue it shows the ultimate irony of our life in boxes. good show...


  • barefoot contessa silver member
    September 4, 2007
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    You know. I wasn't expecting that ending. I shamefully admit to giggling after reading this. I'm not laughing at the man, but how the tragic nature of his plight so mirrors my own when I'm in that mindset. It's sad really when you come to think about it. I agree with the comment below me that said how the ending ties with the title of the poem.

    -Aly


  • guttermouth
    September 1, 2007

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    Haha... great ending. How perfect is that end line to tie in the title after everything which was said? Absolutely outstanding work.


  • stavykm gold member
    September 1, 2007
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    I can relate

    Great Poem! For I do know how that feels it's horrible. I appreciate poetry like this for then I don't feel so alone when I'm in this kind of mind set! Yes Pitty Party I think perfect title, it is so silent for sure and then when someone comes it's no thanks like that too. Great Write so thank you!!11

  • JustBreathe gold member
    September 1, 2007
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    Great write! So many people feeling socially disconnected these days. For some, computers, DVDs, video games, text messaging are how they interact with the world. So, they may be caught off guard when a 'live' human comes to call. Dealing with people face-to-face takes a different kind of commitment ... an eye-to-eye give and take.


  • HugsForEveryone
    September 1, 2007

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    understandable! Awesome, I don't know why this happens, but I do understand that it does. Very nice, good job!!


  • dubiety
    September 1, 2007

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    Interesting

    and spooky, it gripped me. The last line was a mystery and it didnt solve the questions I had in my mind which shows skill
    Well done, -blackburn


  • Advocatus Diaboli
    August 31, 2007

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    wow this was a great poem ann kinda dark yet deeo in thought at the same time really makes the reader think when reading, wonderful work here as always dear

    Temple~

  • suseann
    August 29, 2007

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    Ending wasn't quite expected. But this well crafted piece certainly delves deep into humanities feelings of loniness.


  • Star Shine
    August 6, 2007

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    A dark and deep glimpse that is very intuitive. The wry ending shows a lot of insight into the isolative prison some people live in. Well done. God Bless. -K


  • The Black Iris
    August 5, 2007

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    This was amazingly deep, I spent the whole time pitying this person and then at the end I wasn't sure if I felt more or less pity. Took me on an emotional journey. I was really wowed by it. Thank you for writing this amazing piece.


  • Ogreatbaldone gold member
    July 14, 2007

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    Very deep and slightly disturbing on a cerebral level. hope this one wasnt pulled from your own depths Ann, miss you lots...peace Terry


  • Kevo MF Last
    July 3, 2007

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    *looks over his sholder* okay where are you hiding the cameras lol. No seriously, I can relate to this poem extremely well. Every time I click on one of your peoms I tell myself that im going to find something wrong with it THIS TIME but it never happens. Ill get you one day lol.


  • Touchof1der silver member
    July 3, 2007

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    Deep thoughts flow along the page here. The sad fact is though, there are so many people who are in this exact position in life... aching with a great need for human contact yet always turning it away and wallowing in the dark, dank corners of loneliness and desperation. This is quite moving Ann. You did an awesome job here.
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • ventus11
    July 3, 2007

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    what a twist at the end! i guess he just wanted people to feel sorry for mhim. To be honest i've felt like that two. great poem.


  • cognitivedistortion
    July 3, 2007

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    I loved the last line so much. I guess he said that line too much before. Sounds pretty sad but it sounds like he, whoever he is, is pretty boring too. If there aren't any invitations, then go out and find a party (and crash it).


  • Rain86
    July 3, 2007

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    Very nicely done. Very interesting with the imagery and the emotions and descriptions you have created within your poem. You make the reader see what you have described quite clearly. Nicely done!

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    July 3, 2007

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    The poem portrays imagery well,the character surrounded by the dinginess of his surroundings reflective of the dark thoughts echoing.Am offering a suggestion ( not a criticism) that line four within the first stanza "was his only companion" may instead work as "were his only companions" as within the first lines both lonliness and pity are refered too,just a thought.The reader is left with an impression of a man isolated by his character and who has a sense of misplaced pride,he is frustrated that there are not more offers to socialize and resents feeling as if he is the last guest to be invited,rather than let his need for being wanted be met he will say "no thanks" and feel that he has returned what he deems as the insult of being remembered at last.Yet the man has not percieved that he too has had the opportunity all along of picking up the 'phone and extending an invite and perhaps too pride plays a part for this man is easily wounded and would take a "no thanks" personally.A thought provoking write into the lonliness of the barriers that an individual may erect almost as a self defence mechanism.


  • Cannonsfire gold member
    July 3, 2007
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    Feelings of being alone can make you want to shut the world out even though in your heart you'd prefer the company, you turn them away to wallow in the sadness only you can heal. I liked the deep thoughts in this, made me think and I love poems that do that. Love, C


  • catz Moderators member
    July 2, 2007
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    The feelings of this lonely person creep through each line, Ann. The ending is sure a twist, but even in its 'poor me' attitude, there's lonliness as he disasociates himself from what could be meaningful inreractivity with others.

    A good poem, Ann. Excellant visuals and emotions portrayed.

    love and
    Dee


  • coffeeangel316
    July 2, 2007

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    As I read the poem. I felt the sadness and the sorrow in the poem. You penned it so well, what a great job. I love the way you let his feelings linger letting us feel his sorrow. great write.


  • ImogenSky
    July 2, 2007
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    oh I loved this. at first I held compation for the character in the poem, because I've been there waiting for the phone to ring. But then at the end you showed that his motives were only to alert others how pitifull he was feeing! How disgusting! Very nicely written, and the ending had a huge impact! Keep writing, I liked this one!


  • Storm-Goddess
    July 2, 2007

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    nice job

    your message was very clear i can almost feel the sorrow this person feels . how many nights wasted doing just that waiting for the phone that never rings . i like this piece great job


  • DolphinLass silver member
    July 2, 2007
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    wow so expressive yet so true...dont we all get like this..well done


  • Kari gold member
    July 2, 2007

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    Actually I think this sounds a little bit like us all...a lot more people now adays really tend to keep more to themselves and don't like having to fool with other people..
    Well done

  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    July 2, 2007
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    OMG! This sounds like me This is a great piece Ann, I love the whole feel of it, it's so realistic. How many of us wait for that call, only to have either fear or sheer laziness keep us from responding in a manner that would get our arse out of the house and motivated to LIVE! Bravo!


  • HopelessScribbles gold member
    July 2, 2007

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    oh that seems so familar!

    Ann you did post this so well not tonight was what I used to do, pity party indeed..thanks for sharing and good luck...MM


  • Angel w o Wings
    July 2, 2007
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    Well that was a twist. I was feeling sorry until the end kicked me in the ass. Very well done.


  • Electric Sunrise Moderators member
    July 2, 2007

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    lol, love it, sounds a little like me hmmmm, just playing, well it does sound like me, i think thats why i connect with it so well, nicely done here Ann, love the images too, very vivid, hauntingly beautiful

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