I’m alone in this concrete jungle
No one to show me the way
Guide me through the fire
I fight for my home and family
Protect us theycry, keep us alive
He comes for us
I can't save them in this concrete jungle
Sit back and watch them pay says Lord Lucifer.
You can't save them,
Protect them from me.
I can control them if I wish
My children come home.
Slowly they leave me
Alone with my sorrow
Wallowing in self pity.
I'm completely alone now
No friends, no family
No love, no home.
I need you to come home
I need tou to guide me, to love me, to save me
It's to late for me to save you, but you can still save me.
He's coming for me,
Coming to deliver me.
Slowly i sink to the pit of hell.
Losing my soul, never to be human again.
He has taken me to his lair,
To have his way with my soul,
He has stole my soul,
No longer human,
Only a body walking on this lonely earth.
Alone no emotion left in mt heart.
Have i not paid for my sins?
Is this torture over?
Will i ever be free?!
REPENT, REPENT, REPENT your sins in here.
How will i repent for something I never did?
I never sinned against you Lord,
Always had my faith
Why make me pay?
Always had my love for you, never lost sight
Why must I pay? why?
You must pay for losing sight of your friends ans family
They could have been saved .
That my dear i why you must pay,
For all your sins.
Why you must suffer for all enternity in this
Concrete jungle
A contest entry
- Show me your talent! by Beating.
1000 points, ended July 17, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
This is a great one also. It's a very interesting read!
-
cheers
-
now this one is great....flows really well atleast until the end where it seems a bit force.. but still o well, loved the begining tons...
-
Wonderful!
A strong foreground. Your finished idea needs a little developement, but its a really beautiful poem!
-
Except for the grammars it's a good write you put here.
It feels like something where you are going to be a believer or a disbeliever...that's my opinion.
Fix those few errors and you can stand a change here
I know you have talent..so use it
XXJeannette
-
In this line:
"It's to late for me to save you, but you can still save me."
It should be "too late" instead of "to late"
In this line:
"He has stole my soul,"
It should be "stolen" and not "stole".
Other than those two errors, there are more typing errors different places in the poem. You should read it through and edit.
Other than that, I like this poem although I can't say I relate to it. I like the feelings that you show. Very nicely written! -
I really like it! I can relate to this, there is an error in line 5, I think theycry is supposed to be they cry, but who knows, maybe u wanted it that way. Great work.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
