Do you remember when we lay together
and I told you not even a blood-red moon
could drag me away from your eyes,
when I said you were my cotton candy kiss,
my bubble gum smile, and so much more?
I lied.
Author notes
I realise that I seem to have an attraction towards confectionary in my poetry at the moment....
I have no idea why, just go with it
x-Gravedancer-x's contest;
Friday
Wasting Your Heart's contest;
'B.l.e.e.d for me baby, Show me how much it hurts'
In a list
A contest entry
- [LoveAQuickie] by whiterabbit..
450 points, ended August 18, 2007, 21 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [Sweetie, rip off those plasters && show me what it's like to b.l.e.e.d] by over the rainbow--x.
875 points, ended August 31, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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no comment
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'when I said you were my cotton candy kiss,
my bubble gum smile, and so much more?
I lied.'
Those last three lines [=
Are amazing [=
**finalist**
♥
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I absolutely love this. Exactly what I wanted. Beautiful imagery and Yummy too. I don't know what else to say except this is wonderful.
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uh um...shit...this is so nicely done it kinda left me...floating..in a weird possesed and disturbingly perverted kinda way...i love it, i noticed your profile said ur an Aussie...nice to meet a fellow ausdyke on AP, i was starting to think they didn't exist, my girl put me onto your profile...nehoo, i think im done....like i said...tops poem - many smiles- Isis
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Aww well thank you hun
I have to say, I'm curious, who is your other half?
Oh and I read over your Authors Page and noticed you had Dru's Homophobia poem up on it
It's great to see that getting around.
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This is the Shit. I don't even know where to Begin. You got Style. thats all I can say. but i'm sure you know that already. so this comment was almost useless. and if i Type long enough maybe you will give me some credit for this comment of something. i don't know. i like to type alot. but I'm serious. you Got some Talent.
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Wow, that is very bleak. I like the imagery (the blood red moon moreso than the cotton candy - fairy floss?) and the rhetorical power is potent. We are led to believe that this is a certain type - lovey dovey, to get technical - of poem, and it turns out to be something very different.
Nicely penned,
K. F.
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Really well put together, holds just the right tone through the first section to make the final line unexpected without the first part sounding naff. The imagery at the beginning is strong but not overdone and could be built on to form a really touching love poem if you wanted to use it for that (which is why the ending works so well).
One comment - because I am a pedant - "cotton" not "cotten"
LB -
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ACK! Thank you, I didn't notice that at all
I'm glad you liked it
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I like this, from a different point of view this time, the person narrating the write is the one who gives up on the love, not the other way round. Maybe you're pregnant lol, pregnant woman tend to get cravings for sweets and the like. Beautiful imagery here though, tasty in every single way babes.
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Pregnant? Oh HELL no!
Kind of a medical impossibility with a girlfriend (and certainly not one I'm complaning about
)
Thanks for the lovely comment babe, made me smile
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Great ending. It really puts a whole new twist on the poem. Great job!!!!
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Love This
great great poem....love the ending and the imagery.. well done
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Whoa!!!
Spectacular
Loved this
and good luck!
japan -
Gorgeous...
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bitter sweet...
but good enough to eat...
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Didn't see the last line coming, I love the imagery and metaphors in this, and the candytheme is fun I like it haha =]
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