Made it out the house fine
But, quickly discover
That your car's been towed
There you are - caught
Traveling from point A
To point C
But while at point B
Car broke down
There you are - stranded
Married your school sweetheart
Discovered his mistress
There you are trapped
One job ends
Oh, joy another one
Rats
Parents squabbling
Heroine to the rescue
Didn't go over well
Capturing a blow meant for another
Enjoying a great exciting book
Halfway through
Most exciting part
Company
Not now, please, oh please
Multi-millions on the line
Got five of the required numbers
Couldn't materialize the sixth
Crying in my beer!
What can one do?
With all those in-betweens?
C'est La Vie
Author notes
Venting vacation...thanks for your indulgence. hahaha
In a list
A contest entry
- Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your BEST Prewrite! - For Mike [degarmo] - by Never Fall in Love.
950 points, ended October 29, 2007, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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C'est vrai - c'est la vie
Haha, my french is absolutely crappy. But this is an interesting poem. I see so many poems around in this topic but I never seem to get enough of it once it is written tastefully..
I hope this wasn't a true story - and if it was, I'm sorry..
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
Never ♥ -
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Well, most stories only touch the surface, as does this one...thanks for your review
lol
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This is a very competent poem and worth the read, there is a power in the abbreviated line and it works well to enhance where image falls down – you have a grasp of what it is to convey what it is you want to say, but this unfortunately missed on the flow as I found it too choppy. But this is my subjectivity at play here and don’t let the ramble of an old man keep you from your gifting. Thank you for entering the contest, I appreciate your efforts.
1) Content 7.5
2) Originality 7.5
3) Flow 4
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 7.5
5) Imagery 8
6) Grammar 9
7) Form 7
8) Spelling 10
9) Emotional Impact 8
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 8
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score = 76.5
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thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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Thanks so much, I appreciate the review and the lovely sentiments.
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wonderful piece, it's well written and really draws me in, I love how you wrote it, keep on writing
nicely done
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Thank you so much. lol
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um. different. i like the french at the end. actually it was really humorous. A great write from an excellent writer. cant wait to read more of your writings.
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Thank you,
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i have the link pat ,thank you sweetheart. heroin beer .surely not you..i will have to sort you out xx
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Thank you, Peter. I had to protect my parents from each other hahaha, I got a lick in the process thus - heroin(lady hero was what I was trying to say, did I not do so?)
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I can relate to this poem completely. I have been delved into things then distracted. We poets seem to need that alone or private time and when we dont get it we get very cranky
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Thanks Jeff, hahaha it does appear that you can indeed relate to it. hahaha Nice to have somebody else in the boat with me hahaha. lol
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I think we all need pause in one's life to assess the situations we find ourselves in so we can take the right road, hopefully, the world's a crazy mass of colour, sometimes it us that makes it swirl and other times the rush of it is beyond our control. A good poem.
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Wow
This review should win gold. It is beautifully worded
Just the right words, wow Thank you so much, a holiday treat.lol
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I love this...some great moments here and a perfect read for me as I am having a horrible day at work...need to let go before I wind up losing a secure job over anger...i don't cry in the beer much I usually like to smash it across someones forehead which is equally as dangerous...Poem reminded me of the John Lennon lyrics "life is what happens to you when your busy making other plans",a great piece
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Oh, by the way, everything depends on how one handles those in-betweens. Stay calm and cool today Iggy, it'll all pass.
"And it came to pass" Here now? hang tough...it'll pass. lol -
Thank you Iggy for this most outstanding review. You rock.
I love this review. Wow. lol
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