With our souls in our pockets we went down,
With our eyes shunning motion and picture,
and our ears, numbed from ringing, only echoing sound,
We descended the steps to the cellar,
We descended the steps to the dark,
With our souls in the deep of our pockets,
we descended the steps to the dark
not a finished project, but it's my first poem in about three years so I figured I'd share
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Welcome to AllPoetry
For an unfinished piece it is actually rather nail biting. I would love to see you finish this someday - I think it could be a real winner
Glad to have you here at AP and please feel free to contact me or any online Greeter if you need help here at AP.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance
Rosemary -
Well for only a prelude to the finished piece..it;s utterly amazing, it's so innocent sounding, but has that tense feeling of insecurity beneath it, for such a simple write it really displays power, simply complex.
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wow this is a really strong start..please send me a message when its done so i can read the finished poem...i love the repeats but try not to put too many in depending on how long you make it....a short-ish poem could't have too many is all i mean...
again depending on how long you make it maybe put it into seven line stanzas, so what you have already it one stanza. with regular repeats...so last two lines of each stanza are
"With our souls in the deep of our pockets,
we descended the steps to the dark"
sorry ive rambled...take care hun and good luck with the poem! xxx
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