Several inches
over the floor,
your tear-filled eyes
pleading for help...
I see you.
I just can't hear you.
Author notes
Title from the Titles Challenge Group
I previously wrote a 31 word version. I forgot that the contest required that the poem be only 20 words. The old one:
Stuck at thirty,
never to age.
Several inches
floating over the floor,
pleading for help
with tear-filled eyes.
I see you, I cry with you.
I just can't hear you.
A contest entry
- Everyone wins a trophy ~ 6 entries only by Lavender Butterfly.
390 points, ended July 2, 2007, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TURN A SILVER INTO GOLD CONTEST by Swan song.
600 points, ended April 25, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very intense Well done and good luck.
I like the approach to this -
this was a little too abstract, well not so much abstract more like i didnt really know what was going on, but alas that can be the case whan having to write to a limit.
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I have found these quickie contests to help with the ability to focus and see the essence. You have captured so much in so few words. Very nicely done. Congratulations on your silver trophy. Peace, Liz
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This is brilliant but has been written in 31 words and not the required 20. Can you edit before I judge... x
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