Back then I couldn't tell you
Baby you taught me loving myself.
Holding your hands all the parts of myself grew
After loving you I discovered my reflection entirely new.
Delights of desire running through my vein
Collecting the pearls of rhapsody from pain
Everyday exploring you within me and falling in love all over again.
Seeing my reflection with the splendour
With your velvet touch I'm decored.
Mounting pinks of my cheeks when you are near
Falling of my eyelids in the form of prayer.
Back then I couldn't tell
Baby distance feels like hell
One part of me does yell
Baby without you I'm an untold tale.
A contest entry
- Take this Line and RUN! by DareU2Byourself.
800 points, ended July 16, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
This is a lovely testament to your love for him. I also feel that when we find "the one," it is a revelation, because of the way they see us. This is a subject that is seldom written about here on the site.
My only negative comment would be that you are always a "tale," just not always the entire one.
~ Joyce
-
un told tale
whether a tale full of sound and fury ??!!!! ....but its good ya
-
I like this....good write.
-
i strated to yawn in my chair and slouch in my chair so this tells me that your boring your reader and you never want to come off as boring in your material this piece need a crisis immediately more love more emotions pour out the love and this will be good ~ lady enthralling ~
-
5/10
It didn't really speak to me. The thought is there, but what do you have to support it? -
Read and scored.
-
I could feel the sincerity and the love is there, but I feel like maybe you could bring more emotion out and really speak to the reader, tell the reader exactly what is on your heart. I love that you continued the rhyming, I love rhyming because I think it brings more structure to a poem. Overall I give this a 7/10
-
6/10
-
this was passible in my eyes you put out my flames though here and there but you have the potential to give me a black eye if you take the proper procedures in your writing, just write anything then you go back give it life and make it poetic then edit then you shakk be good to go i give it a 7/10 ~ the red book of love ~
-
Back then I couldn't tell
Baby distance feels like hell
One part of me does yell
Baby without you I'm an untold tale.
I really like those lines. Nice sentimental write. -
Aww. Sweet!! "Mounting pinks of my cheeks when you are near..." I've never heard "smiling" put so poetically! If there was a contest of who could best say "smiling" without using the word, you'd friggin' win! As for this contest, this is a great write. Thanks so much for sharing and for entering the contest. Best wishes. Take care.
-
This is a good poem.
-
-
Thanks for commenting.
-
-
Your pen flows smoothly like running water. Nice write
-
-
Thanks for the lovely poetic comment dosto.
-
-
aww
This a very good write.. I loved the way you expressed yourself and made it so true and detailed! Distant relationships are very, very hard...but with some work from the both of you, everything will turn out just the way you want it to! You are an awesome poet.. Keep up the great work!
Shannon*Leah -
-
Thanks a lot for so much appreciation.
-
-
Beautiful again. I love lines--
'delights of desire running through my vein.' and the concluding 2 lines. They are loaded with emotion.. Good Luck In the contest! -
-
Thanks a lot for your comment.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
