Alone in the darkened room.
My gaze upon a static reception.
Without a soul in this gloom.
Tired vision. Distorted misconception.
Press the power. The noise is gone.
Rising with sleep overcoming my senses.
Near midnight but before long . . .
Ringing not from past but present tenses.
My slow groggy mind soon finds
it’s in my pocket, my ear hears the cell.
I curse “Who’d call at such times?”
Who’s breath is that? Who won’t speak I can’t tell.
Begging now and more alert.
No response, just panting from the unseen.
Then a voice . . . “Your body hurt?”
“Who is this?” A ring tone the only thing.
I turn it off. Drop the phone.
After a moment in fear race to bed.
I lay; the sheets close. Alone.
My mind’s confused and scared at what was said.
Just be calm. Shut my eyes tight.
It was nothing but a prank by a jerk.
Open wide. Shrink at the sight.
Engulfing the doorway. The Shadows lurk.
Leap unto my mattress. Hate.
Raise the blade of silver above his head.
How did he get in? Too late.
Precious scarlet spills. Pain falls and I’m dead.
My eyes flash wide. Sit up fast.
A dream. I’m still here. My death! No such thing.
Pounding on my nerves won’t last.
My heart stops. Senses fall. I hear a ring.
Author notes
This is actually a rewrite of a poem I did over a year ago. Also, I just watched both When A Stranger Calls movies which helped to re-inspire my rewrite.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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3 claps...9pts
The Poetic Bandits
~Lilac
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I was thinking as I read it that it sounded like the movie you'd described. This is good. I haven't seen the word "groggy" in a LONG time. In fact I remember the day I last did... very weird.
"How did he get in? To late."
^"Too!"
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I love those movies they are so scary!! Great write so full of suspense and emotions. Keep up the wonderful writing
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This is creepy. I hate to have this happen to me. I would be so freaked out. I haven't seen that movie but then again, my imagination doesn't agree with creepy movies.
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Oh my goodness! That was indeed some great stuff! Made my heart rush in fear....Lol....Good one!
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Thank you.
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That was very in depth. You just brought the rhyme every split second. I would rather the hitcock version for inspiration. But you are good none the less. Good Job
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Thanks lol. I love Hitcock and King. I'm hoping to be get as good as them.
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this was really good. i had a dream like this once. it was really wierd. and when i woke up, i didn't know where i was, so i thought it had really happened, and i was really dead. but after a little while, i realized i was at my friends house. that was just freaky though. great write! keep it up!
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Wow, i guess that's what happens when you actually answer your phone at night. ( I don't ) Good work on this poem anyways, I'm not sure that i liked the abundance of punctuation. I mean, i know you were using it for the effect of your poem, but it did get alitte overwhelming after a while. Good job anyways...
(p.s. My family and I watched that movie as well... we all agreed that the chick should have just killed the invader in the end... at least that way she wouldn't have to worry about him coming back.)
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Was it a nightmare or a premonition? This is a spooky write! You build up the suspense well and supply a suprise ending. Thaks for sharing, Bandits Rock!
Dennis :^)
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Can see where watching these two When A Stranger Calls would make you write this way. Liked the alliteration throughout. Interesting short segments in each line - do think all the periods stop the natural flow of the poem in places though.
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Vivid description of a very bad dream. Suspense builds throughout the piece. Very good expression of feeling. Good flow, rhyme and tone. Good word choice. Very nice alliteration and assonance. Nice inspiration from the movie When a Stranger Calls. A well crafted piece.
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You've described this scary nightmare well.
I like the short sentences you used, they add up to the tensed feelings.
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WOW, i think that's all i can say, well not really but it is really good i like it, the suspense and imagery GOOD JOB BABE I LOVE YA!
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