Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
 

Icebound Emotions

 

Cold,
silence,
frozen lips,
whispered secrets,
breath mingled with icy clouds of moisture.

 

Her half dead eyes flicker faintly with life,

untold dolor,

all revealed,

gazes,

told.

Tears,

unknown,

pools on lids,

frozen lashes,

delicate icicles frame her cold eyes.

 

Staining deep blue from her docile sorrow,

frozen in pasts,

void of life, 

the end,

comes.

 

Ice,

freezes,

frigid hands,

now bruised and blue,

a simple detachment, ice in her veins.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Image by daashuyr at deviantart.com
Emotion: Frigid
The Sisters Grimm

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Tangled Angle
    December 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Too many commas...messed up the flow. Besides that, this was done well.

  • Never Fall in Love
    October 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Alright, I read this a few more times.
    I'm going to stay with my frist opinion but since I've gotten clear on the quickie part ...
    Reading this, I felt like more needed to be told. Perhaps the form that you used didn't allow more lines or so [not familiar with tetractys] ... The picture is out of my view since this wasn't picture inspiration. I also felt like the word "frozen" or it's forms [freeze, froze, and so on] were use a bit too often..
    Overall, as I said before, the poem is good.
    It just left me feeling like more needs to be told.

    Never ♥

  • Nam
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I looked at the picture, and then what you wrote, and I guess we both saw two different things, 'cause what you wrote isn't what I saw. Of course, this isn't about me but still ...

    I may disagree with your opinion of verse with the picture but it's still nicely written, in regards to it.


  • Never Fall in Love
    October 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sucj a big fan of quickies as I totally disagree with the fact that a good poem can be made in less than 30 minutes.

    You did do a fairly well job .. but my opinions on quickies are getting in the way. I still feel that some revision needs to be done - as if there should be some more substance in the poem.


    Good Luck in the contest and thank you for entering
    Never ♥

  • midnightsun000 gold member
    October 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This poem seemed very calm and dark, and it seems as if it more about hidden emotion, which is great. Being stoic is a part of emotion as well. I liked the idea that her emotions are iced over and doesn't allow them to reveal themselves. I don't know if I'm right, but that is how I interpreted it.

    Thank you for entering and good luck!

  • Viyanna Rosemarie
    October 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie

  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    September 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write, my friend... I am most impressed!

    L.


  • Anfractuous
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It is...all I can say is it is beautiful. Wonderful flow, and description. Sticks out to me very well. Great image, and feel.


  • Akimbo silver member
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    hauntingly beautiful

    Nicely crafted, so many vivid images... so very, very cold and yet at the same time brimming with warmth.
    Well done,
    Kj


  • Figg
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is simply a wonderful piece. The imagery is especially well done, I could practically feel the ice pouring from your words. Excellent!


  • FunnelWaxFate
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Splendid write. I always adore writes with the condition of being bitter and callous in reference to ice and the physical attributes of cold, deathly and icy conditions. This piece is marvelous conception of such, effectively and very skillfully written. Its poignant prose and delicate toxicity of such a doleful, dark, melancholic write is truly masterful. The imagery is phenomenal! Very well done!!!

  • Moonbeam fairy
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow! This is so beautiful and sad. I love your imagry. The last line rocks - "a simple detachment" - Brilliant!

  • Heavens Child
    September 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done! An excellent job with the form, very solid. You've portrayed the icy emotions eloquently. Thank you for entering.

  • x-Suicidal--Love-x
    September 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow i love this peice and the pic and backround go great with this peice, all i have to say is try bolding the letters so they r a little easier to read but still an amazing peice of work

  • crystallynnbradford
    September 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    holy crap.....dude you would put the Brother's Grimm to shame....the is awesome

  • autumns rising
    September 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    ice in her veins

    I found this poem in the spotlight section and it was definetely a worthwhile read! Wow this is a knockout. congrats on the gold and your other achievements.


  • Ryno
    September 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on being in the spotlight


  • Morbid Knight
    September 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    O.M.G.

    (Tear) So sad yet so powerful, the details in it are just incredible. Especially loved the part about half-dead eyes flickering faintly with life, as if the soul is just about to give up fighting.

  • Tirrell
    August 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the imagry of this, such vexed emotions
    vivid raw and powerful. Very nicely done as it yeild a moving poem.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    July 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing write.
    Thank you for your entry best of luck to you

  • porphyry
    July 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    phenomenal!

    hey, i really like this
    reminded me of a picture my daughter drew once where the face's eyelashes were feathers
    really like what you did with breath, tears and ice on this one!

  • Nicole Hanna
    July 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely picture, and the words were a great addition, each adding to the impact of the other. It's always nice to be witness to that when it happens. Many thanks for entering my contest and allowing me the opportunity to view your piece.

  • Ryno
    July 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery is so darn moving, descriptive and yes, emotional. This piece portrays so much flow kept steady, which is difficult with this form. The idea of a Tetractys is to be profound, but that is the classical Tetractys, I like your contemporary feel to it. Nice job and thanks for the entry.


    Ryan
1 - 25 of 25