Still
within
this old heart
the echoes scream
in the voice of tears,
painting this ground solid.
My blood still boils of lost anger
reflecting the past of midnight,
speaking with a voice unheard by you
who stole away this fragile marble heart.
Now standing in shadows of yesterday
I will shed away these weakened wings
and follow the road to the dawn
still opening so hollow.
Just memories of me
riding the lost wind
that turned away
on my road
to find
you.
© Janniina Hentilä
July 1, 2007
Author notes
This is my 300th poem all in all so I wanted to do something different for a change, as my poems have gotten way too similar these days. So I did something that I haven't done this far: I decided to give form poetry a shot. I've always loved the form of Ethere so I decided to try and I hope I managed well in that. Because English isn't my first language, I hope I got the syllable count right for this one (I still aren't very good at that). Be as nasty as you can; I want to know if I managed on this try or not.
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Entry in the contest:
"Not another titles contest...." by Andu
For this piece I used tittle #5, Some Shadows Scream. Hope it fits the contest.
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A contest entry
- Not another titles contest.... by Andu.
450 points, ended July 13, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think - be as bold as you can; I don't break.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is really good, it's hard to believe that english is not your first language and that you've never written in this form before! I like how you divided this poem, and how the tone changes from one Ethere to another, first you voice your fears and then end on a note of hope. Excellent write too, full of imagery and emotion. Well done, thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
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Thank you very much for your kind words. Because of the fact this was my 300th poem, I put a lot of efford to it and I'm glad that it shows.
Thank you for your words; they mean a lot to me!
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If this is your first attempt at form poetry keep on doing it girl. This is a beautiful piece and although I am unfamiliar with the form myself I found that it flowed smoothly through my mind. Well done Den and good luck in the contest. I just glanced down and saw Amera's remark about your language. Bravo, my friend you have my applause. Val
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I'm very glad that you liked this piece. Ethere is a ten line poem where you use strict syllable count. The first line has one syllable word; the second line has two syllables, the third one has three and so on... A double ethere is the same but for the second stanza you use the syllable count backwards so the first line has 10 syllables, the second one 9 etc. It's challenging but I liked writing this piece a lot.
Thanks a million for your kind words; they mean the world to me!
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I love the Ethere and this one is beautiful. It’s hard to believe English is not your first language, this is lovely and so sad.
kiittää minun tuttava.
Lempi,
Amera ♥
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I've studied hard for my English and I'm happy that it shows these days. Thank you for your kind word; they mean the world to me
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