Tripping over hysterical tears
she rips her heart for the answer,
she begs the past is just a dream,
but nightmares fester like cancer.
A diary of childhood secrets
writes itself over her eyes;
she echoes in her emptiness
still pleading for some disguise.
Walls won’t change what happened;
mascara scars can’t hide truth,
& suddenly the love’s a dream
‘cause she’ll never afford the proof.
Ten million bars of soap won’t wash
the curves from under her skin -
the memory haunts her body
as if her veins were filled with sin.
Nails clutch skin & hands rip hair,
her skeleton’s folded flat;
she prays the numbers will drop,
believing she’s fucking too fat.
Author notes
Mmm, personal, but if you've got a critique I'm always ready for it.
xxx
In a list
A contest entry
- The Champion 3: Round Four Entries Turn In by Tangled Angle.
425 points, ended July 2, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you deserve this? by Never Fall in Love.
850 points, ended August 14, 2007, 60 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical comments are most welcome.
Comments
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Excellent. I love this. As tyler said below there .. you definately put some attitude into this. I do believe though, that the flow can be improved in some areas. Try reading this out loud and you'll see that some lines could borrow an extra syllable. Into the finalists list you go.
NeveR ♥ -
Okay, I absolutely love this for a lot of reasons.
1. Your title is so interesting, and mysterious
2. The personality in this brings so much attitude and life to the poem, and makes it a lot more enjoyable to read.
3. Your message is crystal clear
4. The flow isn't that bad, it actually flows pretty good.
I think you did a great job. -
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Ah yeah...
Title = finger spasm.
Thanks so much.
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