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Insinque

On the shore I sat.

The rush of  the water,

Like fluid to a pen.

It rushes to the shore.

As the tide hurries to come in.

 

The glory of the night.

The twinkling stars, 

And the dancing moon light.

Putting on a show of wonder,

Till the sun turns off the night.

 

Time is all that changes.

From night into day.

Years in and out

Like grains of sand,

Move on the shore with the tide.

 

To not move and stand still,

You lose out in life.

Nothing is ever fulfilled.

You have to fill your dreams.

Like the sun, moon and the tide insinque.

 

 

8-12-2006

 

 

A contest entry

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Comments

  • mcheadle
    December 13, 2007
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    This poem was never entered any where before.

    when i was sick I wrote poems to pass the time as it is I have had over 200 srugerys and that is a lot of time - time out when I was taking classes I was told to date the poem. If you don't like a poem say so one dosen't have to be a butcher and cut the hell-o out of it. You know that is like cutting on one of your kids. I write as it comes out. God put it in my head and I put it on paper. Bite my buns is all i have to say...mac I didn't even have a computer when this was written. I consider all my poems personal and sharing was a gift. Look what you did to my gift.


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    December 11, 2007

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    I personally think this is well done
    The sands of time....
    A unique and creative piece this is!
    Thank you for sharing and for being part of this contest!


  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    June 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I wish you well but prewrites are not allowed, sry, but at least about that crisstiena is right. though I noticed the date on my own.


  • crisstiena
    June 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Um.. you left the date on this, which makes it a prewrite. Just a word of warning as some hosts will disqualify you just on those grounds.

    Your poem:
    Firstly, you have some spelling mistakes.
    "insink" should be "insinque"
    What is a "pem"?
    "loose" should be "lose"
    "forfilled" should be "fulfilled" (I think)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I'm not quite sure what to make of this. I can see no discernable pattern to your rhyming, which seems forced and halting in places. If you are going to use rhyme, you need to be very, very good at it.
    This has the potential to be a very nice poem had you made a little more use of metaphore and descriptive language. A good poem is a blind date with enchantment. Above all, no matter what its subject matter, it must possess perfect verbs and no superfluous words. It must be an antidote to indifference. The acid test is that you want to read it time and time again, and not only to yourself. A good poem begs to be shared with others. Your piece doesn't quite achieve this, I fear.
    Still, your voice is your own and that is a good thing and at least you have made an effor to describe your 'majestic morning'. Thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest.

    ♦ ~ crisstiena