I want you to feel my misery, to feel each heart string as it broke,
Your face a flush with tears, hot streaming, never ending,
To have to sit in an apartment and stare at everything your other half left behind,
I want you to put on a smile and face the world as if yours didn’t cave in,
Live in self doubt wondering what you did to deserve abandonment,
I want you to crawl into a bed that a few hours earlier occupied your love,
Attempt to sleep where once two warm bodies dreamed together,
See if you don’t wake up in tears and confused,
See if suicide doesn’t cross your mind a time or two,
Live in a place that is filled with ghosts,
At every corner you can see their face, hear their last words spoken,
And have to call this place home,
I want you to suffer in the realm of silence, no comforting words, no apologies, no hope,
I want you to attempt to fathom the hell you put me through,
And I will attempt to be as callous about it as you were,
To laugh as if nothing happened, tell you life has joy to give though I just stripped all yours away,
To give you solace in the material possessions I left behind,
I want you to experience one second in the hours I spent weeping,
Begging God to end the misery,
I want you to have all this,
You have given enough,
Please allow me to return the favor.
A contest entry
- Contest Of Options by MourningSun.
450 points, ended July 5, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Taking Over Me by mourningmonday.
1000 points, ended July 16, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Love Has Gone {{Pre-writes now allowed}} by PerfectImperfection.
975 points, ended August 21, 2007, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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wow ... this poem has been is so many contest. Thanks for putting it in mine to I really enjoyed reading it. It was a great poem!
xo
kandy -
I love the angst here. This too made me cry... Because I relate so much; sleeping in our bed alone. Wondering, lost, empty... Excellent piece. So well composed, your words are powerful and filled with ache. Thank you, for sharing this with me!
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I read your contest and understood completely how you feel. What happened to you happened to me a few months ago. Came home to a 'Dear John' note..sorry your going through such agony..I hope the contest helps..glad you liked the poem.
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You make this sound like some kind of purgatory, and it almost sounds like a curse, as this sounds unhappy anyway, to prove someone a discretionary measure, such as hope. Not bad at all, good work. Titus
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Oh, I quite liked this piece. I really liked the 'I want you to...' theme, it was very emotional and powerful. I really felt your emotions coming through your words, it was such a sad piece, it made me feel sad too. Which luckily was the point of the contest!! KUDOS!! BRAVOOOOOOO, KP
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I am sorry you were left feeling so miserable. But keep verbalizing your emotions and trust me it will pay off and it does help aid the pain that you feel, if only for a while.
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You have done an excellent job with this piece. The flow was nicely done. Great work and good luck in the contest.
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Very sad write...Love this poem. Great insight in the torment one face when left to be alone.
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Amazing, I loved every word of it. A brilliant poem, you deserved the win =]
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reading these comments attached to this poem I'm kind of in shock... this poem was so good. In fact, great. Probably one of the best I have read on AP in a long time. People don't need to be so... nit-picky and touchy, you know? Anyway, good job on this one. Its incredible! Good Luck.
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Hmmm.. you didn't read my rules.. (or you did and didn't care). re-read, fix it, then enter. it's one of my rules you didn't follow.. re-enter when it's fixed
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Ooh.. i like this one. A lot of emotion and pain in it. I can tottaly and completely relate. I know the feelings. I love the flow and just the whole overall feel of this piece.. especially the end..
"I want you to experience one second in the hours I spent weeping,
Begging God to end the misery,
I want you to have all this,
You have given enough,
Please allow me to return the favor, "
Wonderful. Thanks for entering and Best of luck!
}{aley -
Such a poem filled with raw emotions...I can really relate to such a piece...tanks for entering my contest much love, Raneika
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Here are your scores as noted in the contest introduction:
Content:-
Sadness and tragedy: 8/10 points
Sentimentality and sloppiness: 8/10 points
Revenge exacted for infidelity etc.: 4/10 points
Humour and wit: 6/10 points ("a flush" is amusing).
Erotic content: 0/10 points
Use of imagery, metaphors etc.: 5/10 points
Literary style and elegance: 5/10 points
Overall emotional impact on ME: 6/20 points
Sub-total for content: 42 points.
Adjustments:-
Good spelling, grammar and punctuation: not too bad, but dubious tenses in line 1, & "a flush" is very funny but wrong, so MINUS 4 points.
New poem bonus: none.
Pre-write which has already won a cup: n/a.
Pre-write in other contests: MINUS 10.
Not putting disclaimer in author's notes as requested: you did it, thank you!
Sub-total for adjustments: MINUS 14! (Could have been worse - cheer up!)
Total 42-14=28 points. You MIGHT get an hon. mention but doesn't look like a winner to me! But thank you so much for entering!
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This is some really amazing work. I love the way I could feel the emotion and the way you put down as wanting to show the other that emotion. It is very good and good luck in my contest.
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Awsome. That all I can say. As you read it, you can almost feel the pain they went through yourself. It's great.
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Wow...I don't know what to say. So deep, so good. I wish you luck
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