pushing-
lost and alone
in a crowded mall
the din is deafening
struggling through
massive corridors
filled with
faceless people-
operating table ahead
surgeons- masked and gloved
dissecting
amidst the throng
closer
they push me
I try not to look
I can't turn away
on the gurney
my mother
strapped down
her belly laid open
no blood
it's black and white
an anatomy drawing
labeled
I call for her
she raises her head
but she can't
see me
the crowd
still pushing
ushers me away
I can't go back
Author notes
I'm quakietree.
This was a dream I had when I was a teenager estranged from my mother. Oh, and I was taking "Anatomy/Physiology" at the time.
I don't usually do "free verse"- maybe I didn't this time either- lol-
qt
A contest entry
- A Dream Poetry Contest by -BlackKnight-.
875 points, ended July 2, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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LOL @ FreeVerse comments
I have a dozen (probably) poems which poke fun at free verse, one being front and center on my home page. I like free verse when it is really done well, but it is hard, on this site anyway, to find a lot of good quality free verse. Nicolette did a wonderful piece the other day (can't think of the title off hand, but has me itching to go back for more.)
Anyway, I like your poem here... I used to do sketches from some of the scenes from my dreams the night before and tried to capture the feeling forever. Word art is a good way to capture the moment as well.
Enjoyed this, hope you might stop by my place and rummage about a bit... I'll guarantee you a laugh or two-- Jim
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"but she can't seem
to see me" -- Cut out "seem." It's just not needed.
Overall, not bad. -
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Thanks for the comment- And you didn't even call it "crap." :-)
I think I will get rid of "seems." Thanks.
qt
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I never give an "editorial critique" on a write that stems from a personal experience, as I feel it is not my place to do any "substituting" of the author's feelings.
But this having been a dream and considering all the things that were going on at that time....I can very easily get behind this write and into the dream and see how it came to be. I am always amazed at how[if we sort them out]our dreams usually somehow revolve around what is happening in our lives. They just tend to be a bit more eclectic and eccentric than reality and this write illustrates that very well. Best wishes to you , and thanks again for your kind comment
reenie
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