Blood surrounds the blade instanly,
but still it cuts
Deeper and Deeper.
The familliar feeling comes,
and an insane smile spreads across his face
still he cuts
Deeper and Deeper
Her head feels light,
the water runs red,
but still it cuts
Deeper and Deeper
The tension relaxes.
Her body collapses.
she goes into the blackness
Deeper and Deeper
Her mom comes home,
to find her daughter on the floor
she cries as the pain cuts in
Deeper and Deeper
A contest entry
- Kill me with your words, 'quickie' by Avalanche.Echo.
400 points, ended July 20, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Matter please. by My Selfish Romance.
380 points, ended May 15, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver into GOLD pt 7 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended September 20, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Ok, I think in your sixth line you meant to put "she", because the rest of your poem is about a girl. Your font color is kinda hard to read against the background. I'm sure you have captured the feeling of cutting pretty well. This is a good write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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Wow. Deja vu much? (Been there, done that, bought that T-shirt, wore it out, got a stain on it, washed it, shrunk it, lost the receipt, bought a new one, wore it out, etc.)
That's my way of saying I can relate. Nice work It gave me chills in the best possible way. -
OOOOOHHH, wow, that is good. And coming from someone who has dealt with stuff like that's probably saying something. That last part, "Her mom comes home" onward just gave me the chills
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Thank you! I have been waiting for someone to read this one forever and tell me what they thought about it. Gllad you liked it!
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Oh, I loved it... like I said it gives me shivers...!!
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