A bottle of poison
Seems to call out your name
It's a mystery to me
But I know I must be to blame
Twisting the child-lock cap
Smelling the vile fluid
I wanted you to know I was sorry
For wanting you like I did
Lifting the dusty black bottle, I knew this was the key
But I was still praying for you to stop me
I took a long drink and fell to the floor
You saw my limp body as you opened the door
Rushing over to me
With a teary eyes and a horrified look
I didn't really understand until then
What from you I took
Could it be
That you had actually loved me?
Gazing at you holding my lifeless body
Remembering I had left for your sake
A single tear rolled down my cheek
When I realized...I had made a mistake
Author notes
pills...cutting...or in this case...poison!
Written August 17th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- ~Suicide~ 300 points by Confused Gemini.
300 points, ended January 2, 2004, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Wow... this poem... its really good, the last stanza... wow!!! i love the poem... I have tears in my eyes.
"Gazing at you holding my lifeless body
Remembering I had left for your sake
A single tear rolled down my cheek
When I realized...I had made a mistake"
I love that part!!! this is really good, good luck... hope u win!!!
Keep Writing
Brandy~ -
that was just so amazing, so sad and bittersweet! i makes me feel something inside, might be because i had considered poison many many times, but that is just wonderful!
The first verse is my favourite part because i could see it so clearly in my head:
"A bottle of poison
Seems to call out your name
It's a mystery to me
But I know I must be to blame "
And it flows so smoothly too, i applude you
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This one is very good in many different ways. The way that you made it flow with the rhyming is a great thing, because alot of the time it messes up the meaning of the poem or it is forced. Only one time in my life did I ever think about killing myself by drinking a type of poison and the person that it was over walked in right before I did so I never got to feel what it was like to see the pain in there eyes and I am glad for that. I enjoyed how you presented this poem in narrative form because it helps the emotions be seen easier and clearer. Thank you for entering this one into my contest.
Keep up the great writes
Gem
Edited on Dec 18, 3:57 p.m. because ''. -
ah, yes this is the one i read in a rush and wanted to come back too. Excellent piece, It really reaches out and hits you. Sometimes it's hard to perceive the feelings of others, many times they are hidden in places we think aren't there, but they are. This really shows the impact of that and the desire to see and hear that we are loved. Very thoughtful job here, done to perfection
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I seriously did not expect this to turn out like it did. You don't see this sort of ending very often and it's great, truly great. Of course, in a sad way. Sad, but very original.
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A Thousand Stars***********
Incredibly Amazing !!!!!!!!!!!
Miss Scarelett, this is perfectly written, and the background sets the mood and tone of the poem
Your writing is developing so beautifully, I am really proud of you
, keep writing, and I'll probably be buying your book real soon 
Very powerful words in this thought provoking write, excellent rhyming, strong and deep emotions flowing throughout
Karen
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whoaaa yet another great poem, the best I've seen today infact... I love the imagery in this poem especially in these lines;
"Gazing at you holding my lifeless body
Remembering I had left for your sake
A single tear rolled down my cheek
When I realized...I had made a mistake"
It's like when we joke around saying "argghh I want to kill so and so" - say it was a boyfriend , cus I've said that a hundred times about him ... hehe but not a word to him , shhh!
neways in reality when its done, in this case .. he drank some poison' - You can never take it back! Thats how I inturperate the poem to be, I hope im close to what it's actually about because i'd look a fool otherwise
neways AN AMAZING poem.. I love it with a burning passion! love * rachey *
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oh yeah! now this is a great piece. I loved it all. wonderful job her hun,truly!!! Blessings
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wow......the last stanza really hit hard - was not expecting that at all!! Brilliant work here....sometimes people don't think before they act, like the person in this poem, a mistake like that that has been made is a pretty big one!!
A sad and touching write here, Scarlett - keep up the great work
Much love to you
~*blue*~ -
amazing
wow just wow. amazing job you have done here. i absolutly loved it. i aplaud you! "But I was still praying for you to stop me" i was struck by that line quite a bit. it is very common for people to wish that the one they love so much and hurting themselfs perhaps even killing themselves for would stop them and become their knight in shining armer so to say 'no! you musn't do this! i am a jerk and i love you so much!i was wrong for hurting you and i made a mistake dont do this!' and then sweep us off our feet. really though in reality (i know, *ahhh everybody run! she said the R word*) we really should not rely upon others to save or stop us because really we are the only ones who can save us from ourselves. anyway great write i truly enjoyed it. you have some great imagry and passion built up which helps make you feel like you are actually in this girl head and watching all of this happen. bravo great job! keep up the good work -
Wonderful rhymes, I like this piece so much, I liked those two lines:
"I took a long drink and fell to the floor
You saw my limp body as you opened the door"
Great job. -
WoW i really liked this poem Great Write
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Beautiful... wonderful mental images, almost Romeo and Juliet like in the tragedy at the end.. but that may be just me. Very nice write... perhaps a little more fluidity in the rhyming scheme would improve it? Those 3 sets of 2 lines each threw things off a bit... but once again, that may be just me. ::applauds:: very good.
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very well written, i loved the way every thing was worded, it created such a vibrant picture. i too am also surprised, yet satisfied with the ending, and i especially liked it cause i wasnt suspecting it!! really good job! keep writing!
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Wow...now that's the kind of twist you don't see very often in this kind of poem. I really liked the ending, and this whole poem was just so well written...defintiely a great work. I really like the background too. Awesome!!
forever searching
~Dreamer
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