Today I carry a heavy heart ...
for what I mis-understood as love
may just have been a fantasy.
Everygirl's dream
of a knight on a white horse,
riding with a shield of strength
to come and wisk her away
to a world of peace,
beauty,
love ... Protection.
A strong,
handsome knight with shoulders
to carry the heavest weight
without ever wavering.
A first touch
of his racing heartbeat
as he whisks you away
upon his beautiful steed.
Ahh,
to rest beneath his shield
and feel his strength
and tenderness beside you.
These are the dreams
of many
who are just a hopless romantic
awaiting this fantasy to become reality ...
A knight
to truly give of his heart
to earn the claim of yours.
Who with such strong hands,
cradles you in a warm embrace,
taking you to paridaise
with each touch of his hands
upon your skin
as his body pressed against yours.
As the passion grows
between you both
as he raises his sword
to protect you from all evils ...
with every breath
bringing you closer to a true love
so pure
the heavens shine down upon you
causing your body's to blend
into the bliss of harmony.
How the heart aches
with such unbearable pain
when one hears
the knight ride off
to kneel, swearing his lance to another.
Tears pour forth,
as the heart breaks
yet at the same time,
never wanting to give up
the dream, hoping day after day
this level of love shall grow ever deeper.
Able to feel the face
behind the mask,
and beauty within this encrediable heart.
Forever,
shall I give my all,
for you are already
a piece of my heart and soul ...
As the heart
around my neck
will always protect me
keep me warm and safe, from harm.
Promise,
to never forget me,
tell me why ...
you would want to let me go.
As I cannot see me without you.
Your shield,
your heart,
you body,
your mind,
your soul!!!
For a true knight
will leave his heart,
within the hands
of the one
who will weather the storm.
Take hold of the sunshine
as you feel the warmth of this soul.
A rose -
to show real feelings,
and a hankercheif
to dry my tears,
or hold my hand and calm my fears!
Hold onto this heart
like a fragile piece of glass,
yet feel the beat
for it is all I have to give,
all that I am.
A contest entry
- The Pain That Love Brings by Sesheta.
600 points, ended September 10, 2007, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - love(imagery) by forever and ever.
300 points, ended July 27, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hurt. by Naridill.
550 points, ended August 16, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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As I cannot see me without you.
Your shield,
your heart,
you body,
your mind,
your soul!!!
pure love -
Very beautiful and sad, I like the mixed emotions but steady thoughts. Very intriging write.
Thanks for entering.
Much luck.
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I liked how you brought the feelings of happiness and sadness in this poem, it made it very real to me.
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Well, you did ask for crit - please dont take this too personally:
I have mixed feelings about this. It does come across as being very heartfelt and it does convey a lot of pain, but there are so many things about it that didnt really work for me (and this is only one person's opinion!!)The imagery of knights is very cliched, and it has been rather done to death in this poem, it almost feels like you are just repeating yourself by the end.
Also the spelling and grammar need some work, the errors do stand out!
The most notable error is the change in the person you are addressing, it starts off about "I" then addresses "her" then becomes "you" before going back to "me". It makes the piece a little disjointed, and is not good grammar.
For me, the whole thing reads like prose, not so much like a poem, and the only thing that makes it a poetic form is the way the lines are arranged on the page. If it was re-typed in normal lines, it would read like a piece of emotional prose.
DONT BE DISHEARTENED!!!!!!
You are off to a good start, you have some strong imagery here and you have put a lot of emotion and strength of feeling into it. If you fix the spelling and grammar and re-work it a bit it could be pretty good.
Good luck in the contest!
LB
x -
Excellent write and i so admire it!!
this has been written amazingly with beautiful choice of words and the sorrows seem to be all over in the poetry from the top to toe.. i love the sad ones more so this piece of work is a good one!! i respect your emotions and the title has got the attraction and is heart felt.
I love this so much I have sad writes too, u may want to take a look at them i guess.
thanks x
God bless,
Mansoor -
The sorrow your words express make your poem all the more beautiful...subtle yet powerful emotions


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p.s. Love the image above!
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Wow. I love how you played on the every girl's dream. Very vivid and show a strong passionate side of yourself.

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This is the song of the true romantic. The mating of strength with tenderness. Willing to follow, willing to heed and when the warrior is away at war ready to defend the home. All that is asked is and honorable love. The willingness to become as one. Nicely done.
Love, Tom B.

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touching
your poem is so touching...i loved it!! good job and good luck in the contest!! -
Mom,
This is beyond words!!!!!! And well parts of it jumped out at me as if written just for me! And yes, you know what I am talking about again. I did spot a few typos in this. But wow! What a read! Best of luck in this contest!!!!!
and much love
Nyetta

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Paridaise? "Bodies" is the plural; "body's" is the possessive. I saw no other possible errors...
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very beautiful =] i loved it! great write
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An Absolutely Beautiful Poem !!
Oh! This touched my heart -
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Thank you!! for this came to me at about 2 am this morning lol but I am very happy with it and all it's oop's meaning misspells to me reminds me of the moment I was in.
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wow...
this is very good! I really like it... it's so cool! Today I carry a heavy heart ...
for what I mis-understood as love
may just have been a fantasy" is my gavorite part! (I carry a heavy heart... but for a different reason... I will be carrying it for a long time...) again, good work! keep it up! (And i like the pic at the beginning... what's it of???) again, good job!!!
Crimson -
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Thankyou for your commment!! the photo is of a woman with her arms around the muscular arm of a mythical forgive my spelling being or god. Found it stumbling across a website. and it reminded me of a beauty and the beast sort of thing or a cinderella story.
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So Beautiful
Wow ,I love this!,its so beautiful and you have portrayed a great image here,I think every girl and woman all wish they had one of those men who are real..Great write!

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