I watch her
Her lips, she’s kiss-able,
I listen to her
Her ideas, she’s adaptable.
I pull her to the corner.
My hands roll up her shirt,
I lift her breast out of her bra
Massage her caramel.
I touch it with two fingers
Light, small circles around it.
Her nipple swells.
I slowly rub it.
She steps away.
She makes a fist
And rubs her chest
Tightly over her heart,
“My heart is pounding pounding
This is too much for me." She says.
Author notes
With this poem, I wanted to show lust. Lust is identified through a longing between both people. Though the guy respects her, he is divided between what he desires and what he likes about her. Then he completely gives into lust which is identified by physical touching. She steps away, she reacts the way that she does because she is developing strong feelings for him. The last stanza describes the separation she is having with him and the overwhelming feelings she has within.
Let me know what you think
Comments
1 - 80 of 80
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Very sensual and romantic.
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Very Sensual write, This is awesome
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I disagree with crisstiena. Lust can be with someone you know. Lust is a desire,that influences a thought or action- desire through physical or mental actions/thoughts. You can lust after someone you know, and also add attributes to them that they may not have. Lust is the attraction towards such sexual innuendo for personal satisfaction. (this is my own personal opinion.)
A vivid and extremely descriptive poem. -
Perfect piece....you've captured the true essence of the moment....
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This is quite a powerful, intense, and beautiful poem
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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Powerful and very descriptive. Reading the poem and the notes. I can see what is going on. The notes almost don't have to be there. Very TOUCHING!
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When you said that she made a fist, I thought for a moment you will be punched. hehehe
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I enjoyed your lucid descriptions,
especially the use of the word "caramel" - I thought that was particularly intriguing and original.
Very interesting write on lust... it is respectful, so tastefully and gently done. Subtle, quiet, reserved kind of lust that is very enticing.
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beautiful
Very nicely written. Love this write. -
this is a good write
very full of that lust ha
keep it up lil homie
*high five*
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This is well done. It does show lust and yet desire for her.Of course with love their will be lust.
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Hmm
Nice poem, I like it. I think it describes lust quite well.
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I think your ideas behind this poem were conveyed very well. The desire was tangible and well-described and it had a great sensuality. I also enjoyed the ending, a unique and interesting twist!
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This was a beutiful poem keep up the great work.
Amber -
This is a stunning piece of writing my friend. I loved this piece. Very well written indeed.
Keep writing and I will keep reading.
Love
Me
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its really good, i suppose theres often a fine line between lust and love (my band wrote a song about it)But this poem really shows its audience about it. Really well written. luv lexxy xxxx
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such a sad story that I can defenatly relate to, beautifully written and romantic, well done xx
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It's sad, in a way. He wants her, needs her, yet it's too much for her. I love the passion in this poem.
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good write.
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i can understand both sides...i think many of us have been in this position before. it reminded me of a time when one of my friends told me he liked me and made me feel like i was back then. the guilt both sides find...this is a great write!!!
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Nononono... this is NOT lust. Lust is wanting that which you have no right to. Lust is about wanting someone for their looks, for praising their looks, for treating their looks as something of great importance. Mostly, the attraction is superficial and is based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. Lust fades if the person gains 5 pounds or gets grimy in the garden. And while lust might keep you feeling high on life for a month or two, lust rarely sustains. Lust will have your eyes wandering after a while, to find a new jump-start for your libido.
Love is when there are a million things you want to say to someone, but when they look you in the eyes and hold you in their arms nothing in life matters other than being with that person at that moment. Love is when you find yourself spending every wish on him.. it's what none of us can point out because it's that unexplainable thing that only appears when you realise you are not asking yourself, 'What is love?' It's trust and faith, believing and not doubting...
Your poem is not about lust. It's about that tiny bud of longing and a physical chemistry, emotional and intellectual compatibility, and acting in objective and benevolent ways to create a profoundly contented and life-enhancing experience. That experience is commonly known simply as... love.
But saying all that, I do like the poem (apart from the capitalization). It has a raw innocence that touches my heart and makes it go boom-boom.
♥ ~ crisstiena
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i think the way you described this is perfect for anybody in a friends with benefit relationship. its just completly what it reminded me of. i absolutely adore the first stanza as well, just the way it flowed toghether i can definetly see it getting stuck in my head.
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This is a fantastic example of lust! I would do the exact same thing as she did, because when emotional feelings are involved, it's difficult to separate lust and love. Its so easy to be fooled when the emotions are coming from the victim...
Great write and thank you for sharing!
Miss Marie -
This was really good.. I loved it.. Its so0o touching and sweet but also has that nice tint of lust. but it seems there is more love then lust here.. wonderful penning friend
Laters
Loves...*hugs* ♥
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This is fantastic. It is beautifully written and presents a point of view that I've not often seen in writing. Great work.
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This is fantastic, almost wishing she did not back away, smiles. But you have captured the moment well, too well...grins. Love your title.
~B.
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WOW...
Great job with this one, oneal!!! i love how you used a realistc scene to show how bad lust can get... this is GREAT!!!!!!
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I thought this was a good poem. One you don't see much that depicts the thought that maybe the girl doesn't want to go that far yet. Nice.
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♥
oh my geezz..
i so loved this one bunches sweetie, you took every word to a new meaning i am so happy that i got a chance to read such a lovely wright you really are talented babe i hope you do know that and show more of your words with other much love to you sweetie..xoxox -
Good
I decided to look at this because of the message on my page. I think it's Great. keep up the good work. -
Funny..I thought I had commented on this piece...Anyways it is very well done and serves the purpose you ahve stated in your notes...
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very good i liked it..ur a very good poet..keep up the good work..i like how u express what lust is and how the guy actually respected her and not kept going trying to force her or talk her into it good job
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this is good. great job. it is a nice way to write it. i didnt think of any of that when i was reading it but i see where it comes in. great write.
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wow, i love this, i love the end, my heart is pounding pounding this is too much for me she says.
great job
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This is another great poem. It's passionate but not to the point of closeness and love. It does exactly what you wanted it to, it shows lust. A lust that seems like it can't come full circle.
Really this is a fantastic piece.
Congratulations you now have my full attention and I will promise to read every one of your poems...when you write new ones.
Lee-Ann
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Well I like this poem other than the last line with the "she says" it kind of ruins the flow in my mind. But I love the imagery..and i love the line..she's kiss-able..hehe..and the poem definitely expresses lust. Good work!
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well done
it's amazing. u've captured the emotion of lust so well. it's very well written.
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Lust is perhaps one of the more basic of our emotions and you have captured the feelings so well.
It is easy to identify with your words, the longing, the needing, but feeling that you must stay in control and not give in to the basic instinct of lust.
An excellent poem
Sue
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Wowww this poem is absolutely ahmazing. You described lust very well in this, and there was also good imagery in this poem. Definitely incredible=]
I especially loved:
"I watch her
Her lips, she’s kiss-able,
I listen to her
Her ideas, she’s adaptable."
Greattt lines right therrre! I'll have to check out your other poem for surrrre. You're an ahmazing writer, and that's definitely a fact.
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Well the imagery here is wonderful and so true you painted a perfect picture.
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Very erotic. You did indeed capture the image of lust here. It was very imagative and created an almost vivid picture
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awesome scribe
seems like I have been there B 4 -
Wow, outstanding piece! I like how in the first stanza, at the beginning of the poem you made it seem like the guy is understanding and sweet, and pays attention to not just the physical, or sexual. Then followed by lust as you mentioned in your author notes. It's so very true. And a lot of people confuse lust with love, when there are two huge differences. Very very well written. Keep up the good writing! I would love to read more.
-Bella -
Alsome Write! :)
U did a gorgeous job this poem way to go keep up the marvelous work that u do loved the way it was written and the form it was writtne in keep da ink flowing outstanding job
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It certainly matches your descriptions. A beautiful piece that captures the plight that lust puts people in. Job well done
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This is a great poem, and you depicted the emotion well. I liked that you explained it in the author's note. The imagery was intense. Very good.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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wow. very sensual. i like it, it had suh a strong and desirable nature. the last stanza really made it good.
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thsi piec is so sensually loving..real emotions are shown here very good!
She steps away.
She makes a fist
And rubs her chest
Tightly over her heart,
“My heart is pounding pounding
This is too much for me." She says.
more afraidof hereslf than of you...hmmm I can understand this scene completely
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nicely done.
I like it.
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Wow
Lust, Eh? smile and lol
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EXCELLENT
This poem is bad ass. This is SO raw. I know this feeling..and wish I had it more often.. To be overwhelmed with emotions..THAT is being alive.
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Passionate and Beautiful
Lust is indeed what you have shown very well here Oneal...Im so glad you invited me to read this.
Wonderful, I loved the part when the anticipation was too much and she stepped away...when really I think she wanted to stay. Powerful and sweet
Ephiphany
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Wow
That was really intense
I havent read anything like that
Ever
It beautiful
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Wow. I havent read something quite that intence in a while. very good tho. The passion of lust is very well described here. Good job. Look forward to reading more of your poems.
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Very sweet and filled with tender emotions...the art to please and then to be needed Thank you dear friend for sharing
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I liked the first stanza because it was well crafted in terms of rhythm and content - light hearted, it made sense, introduced the piece well. The second stanza was about the lust, well written, perhaps a little tame for my tastes, but you may have alienated readers if you had gone for something a little harder, then the last stanza just brings it home, and it becomes real - like how everyone else is saying. Were I to leave any constructive criticism here, it would be to say that this was slightly impersonal. I didn't get the impression that you had any FEELING when you wrote this.
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Aww
I really liked it your an insperration to us young and not so used to spelling out big words teens all like,. Thanks on writing this pice who knows one day you might become a huge poet!
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very relatable, as we can also see from all the brilliant comments you have received....i am sure this piece will/has reach various people in various ways for whatever it means to them.
I too enjoy the last lines...sometimes making that step is so overwhelming, not neccessarily in a bad way, just is. great job with this one i think you fulfilled the aim you set out in your author notes
ttfn
xo
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Wonderful poem.
Amber
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This is a very beautiful poem!! Love is something to be adored a lot. A nice ending. Keep up the good work.
Luv,
Candy
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This is very good. I agree with the others, I like the last line, making it identifiable.
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I like it! It shows more htan one side to a situation while keeping it artful. I too like the last line, very identifiable
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Beautiful write. I liked the way it ended. Interesting. It makes me think of the girl while loving a guy may not be ready to take the relationship to the next level. That's what this poem made me think of, anyway. Keep writing.
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this is interestingt. i liked how it ened. the last line more specificall.y great write
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Cute.
The title is real attractive....
I liked the piece...kinda teasing in a way...
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Well you have expressed your message very well...lust and the resultant feelings are brought to the fore with quite clarity... Very well done...
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wow that is an amazing poem it has so much emotion and i can inagin everything happening! wow keep these poems coming!
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WOW
Oneal...this is a powerful write...I've been in a situation like this before so it hit very close to me...I was never able to write about that experience but the words you have said about something very similar have led me to realize that if I write about it I can move on....thanks for the inspiration.
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sexy, very sexy. I completly get what your message is. Great job!
Mem
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hum...not cliche at all...I really like how you combined love and lust so smoothly...many writers make it about one or the other but not really both...
"I watch her
Her lips, she’s kiss-able,
I listen to her
Her ideas, she’s adaptable."....i hope someone feel that way about me, someday -
hey
i love this poem its so sweet and well lovable
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this is a wonderful job. great write. I love the sensual side as it built into a hot passion.
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wow. starts out really sensual and very hot but then turns into the place where it's about love. As you said, it starts out with lust and the physical. It's great that you show both points of view, because the other way would have felt like taking sides. So this is great!
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Excellent work here, I love the duality you show with both points of view. It always amazes me when a poet can express such depth of human emotion, using so few words, but you have done just that. Even without your author notes, I could feel not only his lust over taking him, but her trepidation at sharing so much of herself. Awesome read, I am thrilled to have had the honor of reading.
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The way the poem progresses shows the unending story of love. The very legitimate issues you address here are ones that a lot of people don't know how to deal with. The way the girl in the story responds does show that she probably does have much deeper feelings for the man and that the physical act of sex would mean a whole lot more than simply being "sex". Perhaps she does not want to become attached in fear that he will not feel the same, or perhaps she is simply overwhelmed with feelings and doesn't know what to do.
"I watch her
Her lips, she’s kiss-able,
I listen to her
Her ideas, she’s adaptable."
From the man's point of view, we aren't given much as far as what he is truly feeling, although you've placed many hints throughout the poem. In all things dealing with him, there is a sense of gentleness and great care when handling her. There is also a sense of the lust he is being overtaken by. It is a really good write and I enjoyed it. I hope I didn't bore you to tears. Keep it up! I always look forward to your writes.
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WOW! you really are amazing! this is my fav. poem ever. your good. bravo bravo! such emotion in your poems. keep it up,
my friend
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good job
it's sexy and sweet playful and deep good work -
wow this is such a good poem your have here...you sure have the imagery mind of love...fill with love...thanks for stopin' by my page love, Raneika
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hmmmmm very sexual..but you are explaing lust so it has to be. plus its very detail.
After reading the author's note I understand the message you are trying to put out here...how a person is dealing with lust..love...and plain emotions of one self and the other person they are loving. fighing aganist physical and emotional needs
Anways great job.
Bloved
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this was a very interesting poem. very sexual, and detailed. then end did leave me wondering however. could you explan it to me please? the poem is great, my favorite part was "I watch her
Her lips, she’s kiss-able,
I listen to her
Her ideas, she’s adaptable"
that was vey sweet. great work.
Kelcey
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