The knight of Pencroft Palace
Rode from his home one day
Adorned in hoary armor
Upon a steed of flaxen gray
Trappings of blue and gold
Hung from his stallion tall
Fluttering in the searing wind
Of an uncommon kindly Fall
His lance was likewise adorned
In the colors of his proud house
And not a thing escaped his eye
Not man nor horse nor mouse
No unsightly signs of age or use
Protruded from his fair guise
And he was only young and fair
Beneath the Autumn skies
Steady on his silvered mount
He rode from his grand hold
Sitting tall upon his beast
Appearing uncommonly bold
Then he came to face his enemy
Who on the green did wait
And as he approached he eyed him
And his gaze did not abate
His enemy too was passing fair
Exceptionally strong and bold
With armor of deep ebon hue
And eyes of falcon-bright gold
The steed of this man was seemly
Tall and thick of muscled limb
Its heart and mind sensitive
To all that was asked of him
And trappings of gold and red
Were set fair about this beast
Made of silk and woven lace
Brought out of the distant east
Both these men where named best
And for the title they’d vie
Until one was borne up in victory
The other felled and left to die
Now they eyed one another sharp
Across the distance in-between
And many words and meanings
Passed in that glance unseen
Then pivoting they each rode off
Each to a different edge of the green
Both these warriors uncommon brave
Young and limber and lean
Once more the steeds wheeled around
Their trappings rising in the breeze
Obeying swift with steel shod feet
The urging of their masters’ knees
Then each lance was set at the ready
Against the saddle brace
And no more time was left to either
For all was in its proper place
As one they leapt forth from their stand
Charging across the arena they’d made
Every stride of each beast powerful
Each glance a murdering blade
In mid-field they met at last
The hoof-beats a screaming thunder
And wood rending with a cry
As shaft and shield were torn asunder
Both men tumbled to the earth
And both steeds bolted swiftly on
As their masters lay in pain
Upon the emerald-hued lawn
The dark knight swiftly rises now
And also the light climbed to his feet
And drawing swords of day and dark
They rushed forth once more to meet
Then in combat long and weary
They sport their skills in vain
For though many blows fall now
None succumb to their pain
As all must end at last though
So one combatant fails
As blood and life are drawn away
He falls and swiftly pales
The Knight of Pencroft is fallen
His hoary banners floating down
His cloven helmet falling away
To reveal his scarlet gilded crown
Now removing his own helm
The dark knight swift kneels
Bending his knees, bowing his head
And rising off his heels
The hand of the fallen knight
He takes into his own
And gazes kind down on his foe
A knight bitterly overthrown
Forgiveness then he begs
For the necessity of this death
Cradling his fallen enemy
As he takes his final breath
I forgive you Ebon Knight
For the taking of my life
For I came out seeking battle
Aware of the pain and strife
And though I die now, know this
I do not even envy thee
For though I die I am content
For at least I am left free
And though I die in the morning
Passing young from the light
You will sit long in Pencroft hall
And not fall until the bitter night
Author notes
2007RC003
A contest entry
- Final Stand by DeadofKnight.
525 points, ended July 14, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Raven Contest: Uncovering Genius in the Written Word by Raven Contest.
14500 points, ended October 1, 2007, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Oh wow, this was really amazing! I don't usually like really long poems but this was just perfect. The rhyming flowed so well and did not seem forced in anyway. These are the kinds I enjoy, because then it is not the rhyme I am reading but the story, which is often hard to do. You did an amazing job with this, the story is so beautiful.
Good Job!
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There is a plurality at work in the writing of your characters that I find enjoyable and interesting. It is like you are using simple instructions to control the minds of your readers to think this way, or that, and to see both the image that you promote and that which stands just behind. This effort, set to a easy beat in competent flow is worthy of the reading, several times through.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
It reminds me of a someone telling a story to the audience. It could of been in a medieval paper. It recounts past events of what could of happen. It lacks a depth of feeling and emotions. To me it reads more like a newspaper article. There are many scene and facts. One could look at it from the Knights thoughts they choose what they did and paid the price for it. I think it can be viewed as both. Wish you the very best on the final round.
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This poem calls to mind the countless medieval style films I’ve watched at the cinema or on TV and thoroughly enjoyed. I think the story content of the piece is well detailed as each stanza gives the reader a clear image of the scene and the action. At twenty seven stanzas, it could be condensed slightly but I don’t think it’s really that necessary simply because there is so much detail which kept me wanting to read further. The rhyme along with the flow also added such a pace like the gallop of the horses, that the length isn’t a problem and added to that the story is in a logical order making it follow through smoothly.
I personally feel there are a few lines that would benefit from a little punctuation or grammar change, for example in stanza five “Appearing uncommon bold” as I wanted to read it as “Appearing uncommon, bold” or “Appearing uncommonly bold” but this is my own preference in reading. There are also a couple of areas where I think the wording could be improved and two lines in particular stood out to me. In stanza fifteen “Each stride of each beast powerful” I think the first “Each” could be change for something different and in stanza sixteen “The hoof-beats screaming thunder” I thought more of hood beats pounding like thunder than screaming but again this is my personal view.
What I feel is lacking in this poem are the emotions the knights may feel before and during their battle, though it may be that bravery masks all else, and it was good to see forgiveness and contentment added to the conclusion.
There are a lot of images I like in this poem and a couple of those are in stanza seven “And eyes of falcon-bright gold” for the novelty of the eye colour, and in stanza eighteen “And drawing swords of day and dark” because describing the swords in this manner could indicate both colour and the qualities of good and evil.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
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wow. well, thanks for all your wonderful comments and suggestions... I'll certainly take some of them and ammend this piece a bit. Thanks again, and thanks for having me in your contest!
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A wonderfully flowing captivating story. The imagery is wonderful. It's a bit longer than I normally read but well done.
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Poetic story
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The story here was so captivating. I found myself, by the third stanza, really involved with what was happening. The meter wasn't necessarily perfect, but the flow was still incredibly strong regardless, and I moved easily from one stanza to the next. It had a very Lady-of-Shallot kind of feeling to it that makes me want to go watch First Knight or something. lol. Great stuff here.
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I got it. Wonderfully done. Many a warrior has died happily on the battlefield knowing they will not have to grown old and feeble. Its the way all true warriors should go. With head held high and an eye to the Reaper. Just daring him to come. Excellent work and good luck in the contest.
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Excellent Poem
This is really great for a poem with a great story to it!I enjoyed the whole thing,i thought it was neat and long!I don't usually read long ones much but this was really good and thrhythm and rhyme is good too.You really should put this in a contest and win with this!This is awesome!You definitely got talent!Keep up with the writing skills and facinating words!Its like a movie in the picture!Good work,and keep on writing!I really got into this!Lisa K haslett Raytown Missouri!
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Well done. It reminded me of many old legends and I don't believe I have ever read a piece where the fighting was so well described. I could see it well. Your choice of words was also excellent and the entire thing understandable.
A very great narrative!
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Ok then. thats kool. i loved it.well written and Good Luck in the contest.
"No unsightly signs of age or use
Protruded from his fair guise
And he was only young and fair
Beneath the autumn skies"
Claire-Anne
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