A soft and soothing lullaby of crickets, frogs and such
A placid lake that ripples at just the slightest touch
The sound of children sleeping as stars dance 'cross the sky
The feeling of contentment that makes me want to sigh
A silver moon cascading as it kisses tops of trees
A gentle breeze persuading me to this one moment seize
A contest entry
- Poetic Phrases by amaranthine lover.
390 points, ended July 9, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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a fantastic piece
wonderful imagery -
very good
your imagery was excellent... your rhymes may be a bit forced... not bad, but try domething like this...
I hear the soothing lullaby of crickets by the shore.
With just the slightest touch the placid lake will ripple more.
There are always other (often better) choices of ryming words, it is usually not the first one you think of (in my experience). You penned a nice piece, I for one, am always trying to perfect each piece, until is is just right. Others like to leave them the way they wrote them. Obviously, one way takes more work... but, I think it gives you a more polished look and feel. so, just a suggestion... I look forward to reading more - Kevin
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good
nice work!!! -
Nice images and emotions in this nightscape… I did think the first line was rather weak though – ‘frogs and such’ perhaps ‘trees and breeze’ might be a better rhyme, since allied amphibians, would break the spell a little – lol.
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Absolutely beautiful! Every word used flows so well. The title really emphasizes the meaning of your poem; just one moment of beauty and serenity. The poem itself was short and sweet, just as a moment would me. I am going to let my mom read this one, she will really like it, because at times no matter what is going on in her life, she always finds time for a peaceful moment like you described here. I read your profile and I see that you are a mother too, so it is really a heartfelt poem, and your children are lucky to have a creative poetic mother! Again, wonderfully done
-Bella
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beautiful piece,
love the lyrical language
thanks for entering
keep on writing
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phrase:
"silver moon cascading"
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