GlistenGlen,
just off the rutted pathways
-ugly and puddlefilled-
, delightingly dazzles dopey mens eyes.
With all veils lifted, this clearing
-this diamondstudded shimmerdance-
becomes a sacred altar.
We shake trees and watch stars fall,
softening wetly wonders
that trickle into our veins
and bring release.
((Wrap me) up in miracles!)
iam Intense
A flaring somersault of whirlwind
Magic.
iam In Tense:-
Feeling the ebb and rise of
Suggective mindstrength flexing
Ludicrous.
If I have been taught one thing
It runs thus-
Be ever Intent on
the moment is utmost.
Author notes
Option two- written about a very beatiful clearing that was found last night by me and two friends.
A contest entry
- Que the Senses by Honesty Abounds.
400 points, ended July 5, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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interesting
It was a good attempt at achieving a surreal-experiance. I thought it was somewhat one-dimencional. Maybe you could have tried to expand it a little bit more with controversy and made it a bit longer.....anywoo good work. -
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Lol Achieving surrealism?
This was a description of an event that took place!
And how i felt at the time...
What do you mean by controversy?
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Strange yet interesting.
It reminds me of what I hear it is like to take a drug. 
I can’t remember which drug it is. The images are colorful and the flow is first-rate. 
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Love the third stanza especially and the ending is awesome. Great and mind expanding write man.
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Right. I really enjoyed the first three stanzas. I really love the way you are compounding words - 'puddlefilled' being a favourite! This really evokes a setting to me. And 'shimmerdance' is equally thrilling - it has a quality of movement and vibrancy that appeals. 'Softening wetly wonders' is also lovely. Experimentation with wording is paying off, and brings my mind to a place that only good poetry can. So good. However, I sometimes feel that your experimentation is somewhat overflowing. The brackets perplex me, and I struggle to be moved by the 'in tense' device or the isolated 'ludicrous'. I am certain that a more seasoned mind may find more profundity in these bits, but I would have liked more of the beauty of the first three stanzas, and these innovative flourishes can sometimes leave me cold. That said, the concluding lines are super. The message is put across. The moments, described so beautifully earlier, are truly precious, and we must be alive to the beauty around us? Romance, etc. Yes it is magic, 'trickling into our veins', and I too would dearly love to be wrapped up in it! I enjoyed very much.
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moving Harvey away...
not much shotgun sense, but it does sit there and glisten, doesn't it? Where the chandelier sets and light from a 3rd story building reflects across it, one might see the infinite possibilities as the words land randomly, and are formed by he who conceals each building block of sensitivity. Rake the coals - stir the fire, and like every dazzling enclave, your star will appear. Strange, yet interesting work... ~ EZB
http://www.moodgroove.com
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You have some incredible imagery here; and have painted a picture of what I imagine to be quite a beautiful place. I also really loved the wording and form of this, how it was just a bit on the abstract side; it worked very well for this piece!
Your use of punctuation really helped to make this piece more complex and worth reading further into. I however, feel like the line
iam In Tense
the breaking of "In" and "tense", makes it sound as if you are Tensed rather than intense, which can have two very seperate meanings, and from your words above, I feel as if this setting wouldn't be considered "Tense", but I suppose thats just my opinion : ). Great job on this!
Amanda -
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Thank you so much for your comment! Just so you know, the In Tense line is deliberate. The idea was that I felt caught in the ebb and flow of life, the tensing and relaxing of mind, almost in waves that suggest magic in that little glen.... Its sorta a hard feeling to describe, and i guess i didnt do the best job, but it was one of the strongest feelings in that place!
Thanks for your kind words!
x
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Beautiful Piece
An interesting array of descriptions that were like a sparkler on the Fourth of July...as in life...must enjoy it as much as we can because one never knows...Thanks for entering my contest....and for sharing a part of yourself...
^j^Honesty Abounds
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