I'm running out of ideas.
How to change this earth...
Gardens of cosmos,
more than just living fossils.
The void above is fueled by dragons lies.
Oh I hate to burst these bubbles,
but your beloved Hubble is just a
smoking guns intergalactic spy.
Space is full of living answers to
questions living in lies.
What more could you expect from,
unprosecuted Nazis, overseeing NASAs secret skies.
The Vatican, Smithsonian,suppressing human history.
Without a Masonry shake and shimmy,
I am but everything and nothing in this equation,
this deceptive ritual, rearranging adorned union.
Staring down at something, thats not like me.
I want to be running back down,
down to the garden.
to the garden...
Where truth, never takes and lies.
Where real men search and arise,
truth, a treading zion
I am running out of ideas here, soaked in sun.
Awaiting an echo sent by my moonrise.
Just listen...
In a list
A contest entry
- Secret Place (for pre-writes) by aslanlight.
600 points, ended September 1, 2007, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For the love of god CONFUSE ME by h202.
450 points, ended February 10, 2008, 63 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, I can take it.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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ok so looking over this again and reading my previous comment which i admit was so long ago i forgot it, i feel more to say about this. i dont like the "I'm running out of ideas" line in either place it pops up. it seems like that's sort of what the poem is about and so it doesnt really need to be plainly stated. i seriously had to think over that 'living answers to questions living in lies' part, and i find it interesting. i think if you considered stanzas then you could write about what those answers are and how they 'live in lies'. it just seems like interesting ground to tread in a poem. good metaphors throughout, though the ending falls a little flat to me. again thanks for entering
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i like this. sometimes it starts to rant, and the lack of any stanzas got me feeling a little like i was reading a run-on sentence, but that's minor. other than that i love it. i don't get it! good! well i kind of get it. there are lots of good ideas and metaphors here. I love "smithsonian, vatican, suppressing human history". very insightful, and true. one other qualm: a few places where some punctuation is needed, unless it's puroseful and i missed the point. and what does "living answers to questions living in lies"mean? i get the questions living in lies, but i don't understand living answers. well nice poem here thanks for entering it
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G'day Creatress
Brillant write!
Absolutely brillant
The whole write is stunning and the last two words of "Just listen" sums it up beautifully
Congrats on the HM
Stay safe
~Amanda
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Absolutely stunning! I really don't need to add anymore to that. If I did I'd probably be rabbiting on for a very long time so be releaved!
Peace Georgia
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WOW~ From the background to the write~ its beautiful all the way around! I loved it!!! Nice Job!
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nice
Lovely penning you have created here. And oh so true. I soooooooo enjoyed reading and commenting!! sweet
POETDONTKNOWIT -
Thought provoking, as far as you can follow it. There is a lot here, and some of it gets lost. I think a little more order would get your point across better. Grammar issues aside, there are some lines that feel incomplete.
Still, the imagery is good.
Thank you for sharing.
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very good
I like this write my faveriout line is " I am but everything and nothing in this equation" very creative,and alot of personal thought...good write!!!1
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Great Job!
Very nice write, your language is nice.
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nice creative idea, sweet use of metapohrical lanuage
yeah no ma thing but good write.
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umm i see that a begain of such like a dairy of a extremeist for lack of bette words but i think it should be longer it feels even though it was a very good write as if it was cut off at the half point but neverless loved the conveyment once i love your ideals in ur work
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sounds as deep as space itself. I think this is a tease-piece on the actual poem. I believe the actual poem should be a bit longer as it has to further develop ho the images come together.
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I like the original feeling of this work, its very sort of technical and scientific while also being appropriatly poetic. my only gripe is that you use the word "lie" three times, I know its an easy word to rhyme and fit in but the repetition does take something away from the wor
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Promise...sing
A search for open minded open ended comments is not easy to substantiate when one runs out of ideas awaiting an echo sent by an APed moonrise
A couple of typos such as dragons' or dragon's lies (depending upon interpretation) not dragons
also von Braun is no longer alive
Nevertheless some good ideas and potential upon the borderline between poetry and prose which deserves attention especially as Space is doubtless full of living answers
Hoping this is construed as constructive criticism ... -
this is good too. i like this and the idea that you have here. sorry i couldnt write more. but this is good.
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Extremely well written, with an obvious understanding and intelligence behind it. I'm amazed at this piece, for all of its fitting references. I like how you expressed how you feel that you go back and forth, between feeling a part of it, and yet feeling detached from the rest as well. Very thought provoking and so full of logic. "To the garden..." Excellent piece.
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Thanks so for taking the time! It means so much!
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What is out there!!
You do not exagerate when you declare yourself "fiercely political and spiritual" on your home page. My favourite lines are
"Space is full of living answers
to questions living in lies" and I also like the reference to the "Masonry shake and shimmy". The latter is quite funny until one considers why the reference is there. The "space reference appeals to me on more than just it's intentioned level. Life does become complex and some of it without true value when out of "the garden.
Title is very appropriate by the way. Jadon
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thank you so much for the comment! You always get it Jadon!
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