Who ever would have thought
I'd be the first to give in
Life is so amazing but all the pain and the wondering why
Fighting and pray and hopeing
for something and we dont even know what it is
How far must we go before we find what we're looking for
How long must we suffer to live every day and to breathe each new breath with full memory of the previous days
Surrounded in our heads by our regrets...
So I wonder, silently, Is something wrong with me?
I have crossed the line
I'm so happy
I'm so sad
Lost and confused and open and new
Ready and unwilling to suffer the joy of another day....
How far are we willing to go to understand things we dont realy want to know?
No matter how bad things are or how terribly these things haunt your mind and drive you from yourself, tomorrow will come
And that is what makes it all the worse...
Life goes on
Life goes on
I give up
Here I am
Lying in the sunlight
Staring at my shadow cast by the moon
And I dont understand it
I dont understand it
Who would have thought it
Who would have seen it comming
I was the first to give in
and yet the last one standing!
A contest entry
- Do what you want! by OnyxtheForsaken.
450 points, ended July 5, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
This is strange because the majority of this piece is a preamble for the last ten or so lines (the only part of the selection that constitutes poetry, the rest is prose, not that there is anything wrong with that). I know the urge there is to read the word "interesting" with a negative connotation, but that is not what I mean. I mean to say that the outline of this piece is nontraditional... and thats fine.
Knocking out the prose and looking just at the poetry (as this contest can only consider poetic entries, by the rules) you have a piece that reminds me of contemporary music. It sings, in a way, where the tendency by other authors might have been to allow the words to whine. That you manage to not to do that is beneficial and to your credit.
As I contemplate the lines "Lying in the sunlight / Staring at my shadow cast by the moon" I am can't help but think about what a great description of confusion that is. It is like how we try to reconcile everything that our eyes see and often fall miserably short. The last four lines of the piece reinforce this feeling appropriately.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
Very intriguing right you have. Hmmm... It makes one think.... And that's what I like about it. It's one I'll definitely have to read again because I feel there is hidden depth to this poem. Good luck in the contest
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