I am on the barrows tonight,
a cold wind blows in my love's heart,
she is unsure;
and so I suffer
wrapped in this old cloak,
alone
on this cold rock,
the spirits howling in the dark.
Oh, sweet
step into my fevered light,
fall into my waiting eyes,
just once,
touch me,
then you'll understand,
why I wear this tattered cloak,
and speak a bit too softly
to be heard within this bitter wind.
In the distance
I can see you
tightly wrapped
and fearful,
the voices in the cold wind
touching you,
catching your long hair,
too many times I have said goodbye,
too many times have I spoken too softly
to be heard in this hated wind
atop this lonely rock.
Look back, through the mist:
I will always be there.
Quietly.
Author notes
Barrows=burial mounds.
Written August 17th, 2003
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Very beautifully written, with wonderful metaphors giving the poem quite a powerful effect. I really enjoyed this, well done.
Thanks for entering! -
The first, fourth and last stanza are clearly the strongest in this well developed metaphorical poem, love in the shadows, cold wrapped target in the balance. Great write. This had that dark feel, and cold used only to enhance the images and feel the narrators sad mood of melacholy.
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Excellent!
Beautiful work! I'm surprised you've not received any applauds for this to date. It really is lovely. It's sad, but it somehow brought a smile to my face also.
The images evoked in me were splendid. Took me to place I have not been for many a year.
"too many times have I spoken too softly to be heard in this hated wind, atop this lonely rock". This part , in particular, reminded me so much of my inabilites to speak up, speak my mind, especially when it comes to intimacy. In the end, to be left in my lonely isolation. Beautiful! Great title as well, thats what initially drew me to this piece. Keep up the excellent work. Sincerely -Emmjay
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Really atmospheric and haunting. I have to admit my ignorance, and say that I don't know what 'barrows' means either! Perhaps a footnote in the comments box would be helpful. This is not a complaint however - I really enjoyed reading this - it's wonderful!
Love and Laughter,
Chrissie
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its a good write. thats all i can say lol, well done .. haha funni comments btw
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Excellant
Love unrequited, the most painful of all. Very well written. -
Oh, sweet
step into my fevered light,
fall into my waiting eyes,
just once,
touch me,
then you'll understand,
Awww, it just makes me want to touch you, heheh, just kidding. I have no idea, I am so naturally high right now, it's funny no matter how I look at it. Well, nice right, made me smile, and made me laugh a bit. - Lance Ryan Williams: To be forgotten it worse then death. -
1) which sort of barrows? wheelbarrows? barrows as in prehistoric structures? or some other sort?
2) apart from the initial confusion, it has quite a nice (BUT CONFUSED FOR ME) atmosphere.......................... -
Thank you for directing me here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fear.
Fear is a killer of all things good. Wanting, yet running.
Two people who love...yet so afraid to give up their own
personal cloaks that they would almost rather remain trapped
in them than toss them off and walk into the mist of the
unknown without them...
and in the end...all it leaves is lonely...wanting more...but
too afraid to take another chance...
that is a sad thing.
UB
Edited on Feb 17, 6:16 because 'forgot my smiley'. -
how sad and lonely
i understand such as this...
so quiet, so soft, so like the whisper your speaker mentions
this was beautiful -
A very nice visual the old cloak and on the cold rocks. I love the visuals, and also the mist. The metaphoric levels of this poem are very complex seemingly and intricately woven. A championship effort Lute, thank you kindly for sharing. I'm glad I found this one today.
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the shadow of love in this
beautiful yet sad
wanting to take away the sadness
wanting to fill the special someone
with laughter... -
I will come back with detail when I get home, but just wanted you to know I've been...
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Always waiting in mist or shadow. Part of you will always wait. ~~~Val
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I hope she will hear. mist so confusing bounces false echoes, she must have follwed in a whisper and found cold disappointment once, embracing empty air, worse the shame that it was for another.
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this is just wonderful.... I was spellbound.....
I shall buy you a new cloak...... hehe... -
what will become
of two hearts apart
two souls shattered by fear?
what has become
of the circle of stars
which dreams held so dear?
oh Love let the darkness
not enter your veins
be dressed in sweet kisses
and light
leave the moon to its mourning
leave the winds to its howl
and let Hope take control
of Love's reins
myra
Edited on Aug 17, 2:49 p.m. because ''.
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